Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I truly understand your frustration in trying to find the right practitioner to help you. Please know that this is unfortunately a common experience when it comes to mental health.

When my daughter fell ill with a mental health condition at age 13, we really struggled. Our family GP—the person who had cared for my daughter her entire life—was not helpful. He didn’t get mental health. I interviewed three others and chose a new one.

We had more challenges trying to find the right mental health practitioner. With the second psychiatrist and third clinical psychologist we finally got the right help.

It is a heartbreaking process. The initial hope, followed by disappointment and then despair. My daughter felt like she was a failure—not getting better despite the treatment. It wasn’t her, the treatment wasn’t right for her.

I couldn’t sleep a lot of times, thinking to myself, “I’m just a mum, who am I to question this highly educated and respected professional?” But I backed myself and ploughed on because there was no alternative.

The same is true for you. The people you have encountered thus far are not meeting your needs. So, you must dig deep, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and persevere. Forget about the odds because there is something bigger at play—hope. There is always hope for better days ahead, always.

You are a unique and valuable human being. And, as a human being, you crave human connection just like all the rest of us. That’s why it hurts so much when we feel we don’t belong in society

But you do belong here. I am grateful to have met you and to be able to talk with you.

Kind thoughts to you

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi P12,

Apologies- I didn't see that you'd replied to me until now!

I'm going to try and break this down a bit because there's a lot of different trains of thought on this post so I want to make sure I'm on the right track.

With the actor example, yes- but actors don't 'start out' with followers. If you think of actors you like, you'd probably find a lot who couldn't find a role or working odd jobs just to work their way into the field. The idea was that their values of wanting to act were persistent enough with all of the setbacks that they've likely received. It's a hard gig to get into. You talked about writing; Dr Seuss was knocked back by 27 publishers and Steven King 30. You are relying on people to enjoy your work, but the persistence has to be key.

I don't follow the idea that professionals believe great suffering is great reward. Nobody wants their clients to 'suffer'. You talked before about how a psychologist wanted you to change your values to be more socially acceptable; what were they?

Your goals don't seem to be unreasonable or difficult; you mentioned intellectual satisfaction and contribution to society which is absolutely something to work for. You also talked about wanting to purchase a car/land/water which is also achievable although that does of course need money. There are certainly ways and lifestyles where you can 'live off the land'.

Hope I'm on the right track here.

rt

[P12]

Hi romantic_thi3f,

Here are three examples of values I was suggested to change.

1. I told my psychologist that I was interested in the natural environment and sought intellectual satisfaction. He told me that most people don't seek intellectual satisfication and instead find satisfaction from having human friends or partners, and that I would also be happier if I did the same. But I am clueless how to make a friend or partner. Apparently one must simply meet more and more people until they find someone mutually willing to spend time with each other. In fourteen years of trying the most I've achieved is people laughing or criticising me, hence the reason for seeking intellectual satisfaction and spending time in nature. Several times I've asked for practical help but the suggestions haven't worked or I am met with a response such as "you know how to do that". I was hoping to receive help achieving my values of being alone, studying the natural environment, and receiving intellectual satsifaction given the obstacles I met, but all I've received is suggestion my values are inappropriate.

2. I told my psychologist I wished to contribute to society by observing nature, postulating about its features, and sharing my insights. He told me Australia was mostly a free market economy meaning I had to demonstrate to someone that my efforts were valuable. He told me I would be happier if I did exactly as I was asked.

3. I asked how to cope in my work environment given the exclusion I feel, ethical conflicts, and traumatic experiences I have had. After describing my experiences of my industry, he proclaimed it is essentially corrupt because it takes money from people without justification. He asserted I have a major problem. He suggested I move to a different part of the industry but as far as I can tell the sectors he suggested don't exist or don't want me. I am at a loss how to act as my attempts to change my industry have been unsuccessful, I apparently must work to earn a basic wage for living expenses, and I can't find a role that matches my values. These are the obstacles I've encountered, I was hoping to receive help from my psychologist but all I received is vindication that I do have a major problem. I am no closer to solving it.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi P12,

1. I don't see any harm in wanting intellectual satisfaction and wanting to work towards that. It sounds like a very intellectual value. Perhaps your psychologist was on a different train of thought when he said they were inappropriate, or didn't fully understand what that looked like for you. While I do admire therapists and psychologists, they aren't the expert on you- you are, so if it doesn't mesh well that's totally fine and you don't have to take that on board.

2. I'm not entirely sure if I agree with that either. We are all different and unique and that's not a bad thing. He is right in the sense of earning money, or at least having money- as you mentioned living off the land, but you would need money to set yourself up for this, but that could be a 9-5 in the same way it could be side hustles of mowing lawns.

3. It's hard to know what this bit means because you haven't specified the job.

I wonder, what would it be like just to map out everything that you want to do with no obstacles standing in your way. You've mentioned intellectual satisfaction a bit; what are you doing as an end goal? What does your day look like start to finish?

I know this might not sound like a helpful idea, but maybe by being specific and detailed about the way you'd like to live it might get clearer about how to get there and the next step to take.

rt

[Whimbo]

Hi P12,

It does sound like a lot of your anxiety is coming from your employment - have you though about seeing a career counsellor or a financial counsellor? Perhaps some of the misguided things your psychologist has said has been in response to these anxieties - remember that psychologists are people, and they're very smart people, but may not have all of the solutions.

I've recently come to the conclusion that the career paths I want to enter make it difficult to jump in and start making money. For 1, I'm a musician, which is self-explanatory, and 2, I'm studying psychology, and they don't let just anyone go in and start counselling people people without qualification. So I asked my sister what work experience she had before she got her nice-paying job at a law firm and I expected her to say it was luck, but instead she rattled off about 6 casual jobs, internships, work experiences, and volunteer positions. The whole time she did that, to keep her head above water, she was working at a cafe downtown.

My point is that if you're finding difficulty getting paid for your passions, if you wanted you could look for avenues where you could get into the industry for experience and see how other people like you are getting paid. I used to think it was just artists who had to do 'exposure gigs', but it turns out just about everyone needs to gain experience. But you need to make money - I've had awful experiences with casual jobs but it's worth remembering that if you're really passionate and confident about where you want to go, the dirty work is only temporary. Anyone this is just a suggestion, totally cool if it doesn't work for you for some reason!

[P12]

Hi romantic_thi3f,

I am a Structural Engineer. My work involves design, analysis, assessment, inspection, and construction supervision of buildings and civil structures.

I found, however, that I am more interested in understanding and advancing knowledge of the mechanics of materials and how nature causes structures to behave than most people in the industry. I found that I believe more in reversing, than advancing, land development. And I found many people in the industry view it as a means to make money, rather than follow a technical interest, and that they exert considerable duress on others to achieve their desire.

Normally I am moved between tasks regularly before I am able to reach a sense of personal achievement at the work I perform. My employer places pressure on me to complete tasks to an approach, standard, and speed that meets their expectations but often conflict my values. Several times I have experienced traumatic events as a result.

Without obstacles I would walk through the natural environment and study it. I would study rock outcrops for features of fracture and stability. I would analyse existing structures to determine how they function, and I would encourage people to reverse land development.

[P12]

Hi Whimbo,

Thanks for your feedback and suggestions.

I haven't spoken with a careers counsellor but I have participated in two mentoring programmes as a mentee and am about to begin a careers coaching program as a coachee with a not-for-profit organisation.

You appear to be correct about barriers preventing people from performing the type of work that interests them. I honestly don't understand this aspect of society. Apparently I am partially able to satisfy myself by working on my interests in my own time, outside business hours, by myself and for free. Though it is only partially fulfilling because I must limit myself to interests that don't conflict my employer, some information I could use to improve my work is unavailable to the public, and I found some of my values and interests have been disproportionately damaged by my experiences in work, which hinders my experience outside work.

My experience of volunteering has been mixed. Most organisations in my areas of interest whom I've contacted reject me as a volunteer claiming they don't offer volunteering roles, and that accepting me as a volunteer would create a liability to the organisation. If this is the case, how is someone able to gain experience of an industry sector? However, I was successful at being accepted at a university as a co-supervisor of a masters research student conducting a research project.

[P12]

Thanks for sharing your experience Summer Rose. Yes, being an outsider is not fun. As you mentioned I will just keep looking and acting integrally despite the obstacles I've faced.

[P12]

Two days ago I visited my local park and cried for fifteen minutes. Sadly it was the highlight of my week. Earlier in the week I participated in an online workshop but left early because I felt too much an outsider. I am seemingly an outsider in everything I do. Why can I not be independent? On another day I was told that an area of national park that I would like to visit will effectively be closed to the public permanently. Why does society control its population to this extent?

I am depressed because I seemingly cannot achieve my goals and I am anxious because I feel like I have exhausted the treatment methods available to me but yet they haven't worked.

[P12]

Last month I found a free mental health service, Head to Health, which accepts me for counselling sessions although I already have a Mental Health Care Plan with another practitioner.