Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Petal22]

Hi P12,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I think it would be helpful for you to call one of our friendly councillors 1300 22 4636.

Talking to a councillor can help…

[P12]

Thank you, Petal22, for your suggestion. I phoned the service yesterday, though I can't really say I feel or think much differently as a result. Thanks again.

[Yen2]

Hi P12,

I just want to say that your experience was absolutely interesting to me (not in a judgemental way, sorry if that was insulting). I'm currently the opposite of you. Everyday I strive to be as normal as possible, believing that standing out was unnecessary and all I needed to do was live, breathe, eat, sleep and pass away (cuz thats normal). For this exact reason, I really admire your courage to do something out of the norm. I've been living with GAD for a few years now and I relate to you when you listed out your goals. The difference between us is that I think I'm TOO normal and should do something with my life more, but am scared to start step 1.

Therefore, I really admire your confidence and self-acknowledgment in trying. I just want to say, in my experience, that you definately don't have to conform within the "normal" society. You should live life how you want it to be. A true friend would understand your goals and happiness. And you are already a wonderful person.

I also wish I never had these thoughts and symptoms along with it, but am determined to live with it. I hope you feel better hearing a similar experience from the "normal" side.

Everyone is different and that's the wonderful thing. Therefore, you are wonderful! 😄

[P12]

Thank you, Yen2, for your comments. I act as I am naturally compelled to act, which is apparently as an outsider. It seems I must use conscious effort to try to conform, but then it is only as an actor would act in a film, which doesn't give me any satisfaction. Almost all of the time I wish I were more normal but cannot be. Being an outsider is not much fun on average. I believe many people in history have increased their esteem after their lifetime. I suppose my life belongs in the sky where the impediments of a human life are absent.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I hear your frustration with the mental health support that you’ve been receiving. I’m wondering if it would pay to pause a moment and take a step back.

There are many different types of mental health treatments, CBT is just one. But people don’t usually pick and choose their treatments by themselves, even if they are recommended by friends or other people we may know.

It’s really important to seek a professional diagnosis of the condition(s) you’re experiencing and then to let the professional recommend the right treatment.

I think it’s great that you have a MH plan but feel it’s important that it’s based on a professional diagnosis. This diagnosis needs to take into account your unique needs and the ways you feel you are different from other people.

From my experience, a psychiatrist is best placed to make this assessment.

So, my question to you is: have you ever received a professional diagnosis?

I really like your goals but it’s a really big list. I’d like to suggest that you prioritise and then break the goals into “chunks”. I do this all the time, so I don’t get overwhelmed when I have a lot on my plate.

So, my first question is: what’s your top priority on the list? Second question: how can you break it down?

For example, if your top priority is to make a friend, you might start by aiming to have a conversation with a neighbour and then to build rapport and then to build a friendship over time.

Does that make sense to you? This approach makes it easier to achieve some measure of quick success and then continue to build upon it. I find this helps to keep me motivated and feeling positive.

Happy to chat as are all the others.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Hello Summer Rose.

The clinical psychologist referenced in my MHCP has told me he believes I have a recognised disorder. At the conclusion of my first six visits I returned to my GP who asked me what I was told during the visits and then wrote it in my subsequent referral. Is this what you mean by being diagnosed?

The psychologist told me there is no proven treatment for my disorder and it will remain with me my life. He recommended I attempt the strategies I have described in these posts.

I feel my highest priority goal is independence. I've tried for 14 years to make a friend but have been unsuccessful so I would like to try to reinstate my circumstances before I attempted to make a friend, when I was much happier.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

A clinical psychologist is trained to make a diagnosis and treat mental health conditions, so we can give that a tic. Good that your GP is across everything.

I’m sorry that there is no treatment for your disorder and that it will be with you for life. I know that’s a harsh blow, as my daughter also has a disorder (OCD) which will be with her for life. But in her case there are treatments available.

We all have to deal with our challenges in life and not everything can be fixed—some things have to carried. You, my daughter and me, as I live with the legacy of severe physical injuries sustained in my youth, and most everyone I know.

I’m sorry that you have such a heavy load. Please know that you are not alone.

I’m going to think about your goals and sub goals and will respond in a fresh post.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi again

I just came back to respond to your second post but it’s gone, or am I confused??? I’m sorry but I can’t remember all the sub goals.

I do remember that you said you’ve achieved the first seven. So, I want to challenge your thinking a bit because you are actually making progress and kicking goals. Well done.

Anyway, let’s start with your top goal to live independently and “chunk” it down. That takes money, which depends on employment. This could start with freelance work or volunteer work. This starts with a connection.

I take it from your posts that you want to work in your special interest field, is that right? And you say the interest is: “fracture mechanics, and how it relates to research, analysis, conserving nature, and reducing land development.” And the two people in Australia who could collaborate with you won’t for selfish reasons.

How about looking for people interested in fracture mechanics globally? UK, Canada or USA? Europe or Asia? You could look for an online community group or professional organisation to join. Or try to make a connection at a University.

You write very well, how about writing a piece for publication? Having a go at a book? Volunteering for a professional association? Volunteering to assist on a research project at a university?

I don’t know much about fracture mechanics (sorry, only what I could glean through a Google search) so I can’t really comment on whether or not it’s “relevant” to society but I find it hard to believe that it isn’t. Building industry? Engineering sector? Aeronautics? I wish I knew more about, just guessing here.

There’s got to be a way to reframe your interest and find greater relevance. Think about it. If you want to explain more about the topic, we can brainstorm.

I don’t know if I’m helping or not but I hope at least that me and all the other thread participants have made you feel welcome here. Your efforts to reach out, communicate and make connections have worked here—another win for you.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Hi Summer Rose,

Here are my sub-goals. I have tried some of the things you suggested in relation to my interest. For example, I have written and submitted several articles but none have been published, except by me placing them freely on my own website. I have organised several discussion events. Two organisations rejected my request to advertise with them. A third accepted but of the five meetings, three I sat in by myself because of the five registered participants none attended.

• Avoid others.
• Write and speak my ideas.
• Ask others to leave me alone.
• Complete a short walk alone in a wilderness area.
• Receive payment for performing an activity, but with psychological cost because it doesn't match my talents or values.
• Purchase food, water, and basic supplies.
• Purchase mental health support.
• Purchase a car.
• Complete an extended walk alone in a wilderness area.
• Practice double thinking by performing my own interests simultaneously with other interests without causing me distress.
• Receive criticism and exclusion from others without negatively affecting my wellbeing.
• Purchase land or house.
• Obtain food, water, basic supplies from the land.
• Receive support from an individual or organisation for an activity matching my talents and interests.
• Others leave me alone unless they know their actions benefit me.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I think it’s great that you’ve already tried some of the ideas that I suggested. It takes courage to make yourself vulnerable and try new things. You should be proud of yourself.

I am a writer. I’m in my first news room, some 30 years ago, and an editor makes a comment that I’ll never forget-good copy doesn’t lie.

You write well and I’d like to suggest you keep going. It’s really really hard to get published but with each rejection you learn. So, if you make a realistic goal to learn and improve with each experience, you will succeed. In time, through this process, you may get published and meet another goal.

It’s a shame the discussion event didn’t take off like you hoped. Why do think this happened?

I’m wondering if maybe your desire to avoid people played a part? Could be that in-person events aren’t for you. That’s not a criticism (I’m not trying to upset you) just an observation. So, if you think that may be true, put your valuable time into something else. Thankfully writing is a solitary endeavour. Could you take the discussion topic, which obviously had relevance and interest, and turn it into a written work that you could market?

I like the idea of achieving your walks in the wilderness. Exercise is very good for our mental health, as is nature. Have you tried to progress this one?

Kind thoughts to you