After being prescribed medication, starting on a particular dose to then being stable on a higher dose for 2 months I went and saw a different doctor to discuss the best side affects which I was experiencing. (Loss of libido, crazy dreams, extreme tiredness, loss of appetite which made me lose 5kg in under 3 months (and I'm already underweight) he recommended that I stop taking antidepressants going onto a lower dose until I felt ready to get off them. A certain dosage worked best for me in terms of the depression and anxiety, but the side affects still made this not worth it. I have stopped taking tgem now for 4 days, and have had outbursts of complete irrationality. Emotional and crying over little things. I have gotten over it quickly after but yesterday my partner had a meltdown about how I am not earning enough money at my job. He tries to motivate me to apply for new ones but i get anxious and make excuses. I do want to move up and I know i am capable but i physically and mentally can't cope with pressure. He sort of lost it at me and threatened to move out and leave me to fend for myself with all the bills. I took this BADLY. I understand his frustration, we have goals and at the moment i am the one holding us back because I don't have the ideal career to move us forward. But he chose the worst time to have an argument with me whilst i am weaning off medication. I have been crying all day because I feel not good enough and wonder if he is better off without me and he will achieve all he wants better without me being a drag in his life. It is also Valentine's day today and he is out Tuna fishing with friends and I'm home feeling utterly miserable and angry. I just wish he had this conversation in a couple weeks not when I'm trying to wean off meds and do cognitive therapy. Now i just feel like i have taken 10 steps back and have to start all over again because I can't SHAKE this feeling of hopelessness and fesr of abandonment.
