Wife suffering from persecutory delusions, can they eventually forgive the wrongly accused?

[Logan_III]

My wife of nearly 20 years has always suffered from depression but the past 4 years have been the hardest on me due to the amplification of her hypervigilance/judgemental-ness/persecutory beliefs based on past unresolved trauma. She has seen a psychiatrist for many years but they never seem to delve into the cause and over the past 4 years her paranoia regarding people close to me has escalated.

I have had to part way for numerous friends, minimal contact with my family and I am now more isolated than ever. I have given up sports that I enjoyed due to the clubs being part of the conspiracy. These people are accused of sharing emails or texts, hacking accounts, passing on information to media outlets and general gaslighting in an effort to get her to return to a past workplace (one source of her past trauma).

Like many people suffering the above, jumping to conclusions with minimal evidence, not believing her Dr and being angry at needing medication (antidepressant and a mild antipsychotic) when she believes it's all these people who need to stop and apologise.

Can someone who believes in these things so strongly ever get to a point where they realise that these people have not done what her mind has convinced her of or is it 'locked in'.

I guess I am at a point where I am assessing our future as a family unit. We have children and it is really starting to impact them and my lust for life is also at an all-time low.

I read all the help guides regarding caring for someone suffering from this, but I fear catching up with people (who have not been accused) as I may lose them too.

It's not a great way to live and if things are set in her mind, even if she gets things under control, I miss all my friends and catching up with family regularly without the crippling anxiety it brings me.

Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hi Logan_III,  
 
We are sorry to hear that you and your partner are going through these challenges right now. Depression is incredibly tough for carers to manage, it is so very draining to be supporting someone ever if we love them. It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, it must have been difficult to write this post, but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience.  
 
It is so hard to know how best to support someone - hopefully there is some useful information for you here - we have a set of articles that may be useful for you. Our advice is to be gentle with yourself, it sounds like you are doing the best you can in a really tough situation. 
 
We are sorry that a call to Beyond Blue hasn't been helpful in the past, we are always here for you if you want to speak to us and there are these wonderful organisations you can also contact if that will work better.  
Lifeline 13 11 14 
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467  
 
We also think it could be useful for you to call Carers Australia on 1800 422 737. It is so important that you look after yourself during these times and they can help you, or just be there if you want to talk.  
 
This community is here for you if you need us, thank you for sharing and please feel free to drop back in and let us know how you are going. 
 
Kind regards, 
 
Sophie M 

[smiles_laughter]

Hello Logan_III, 

I am really sorry to hear you are going through this. I think my partner has some early signs of similar symptoms. I don't think she is properly causing scenarios in her head about something they have done but she just has a problem with every single one of my friends and family at the moment. I don't like to catch up with some of them or tell her much about our conversations because immediately it goes into well that serves them right or comments that are really mean about all of them. When she is going through an okay mood (might be 10 mins long) she can sometimes say things like "oh I know your parents are really nice they are very caring" and then 10 mins later, mentions all their bad qualities she sees in them. It is super Hypervigellance and judgemental-ness. 

She also does not even want to consider taking medication to get better and thinks she can do it on her own. She also doesn't realise lots of the things she says and does is linked to depression. 

I really hope your wife can work through her paranoia. 

I think having kids with all this happening is not great, I have a 3 year old and I really don't want her to be doing this when he is older and can understand, because she will judge all his friends and their parents and I don't think that is good for kids to be around. 

I just wanted to say you are not alone and I am sorry you are going through this. Enjoy the kids (mine makes me smile the most). 

Thank you for posting here, I really enjoyed relating a little to someone else. 

[Logan_III]

Thank you for the reply smiles_laughter. You certianly made me fell a little less alone in all of this. I have spoken to many peolple but until you talk to someone who has some idea of what you are going through it's very lonely.
My kids are high school age so they see whats going on and I do my best to try and shield them from everything. I'd love to say things are on the improve but I'd be lying. She has decided her Psychiatrist is against her and has decided to stop seeing them. Her emails and txts to her former friends/my friends partners are just getting more bizzare and really out there. 

I really hope you can convince your wife to seek help because from what I have witnesssed this behaviour increases, especially if they are not working or have something productive to do. Mine will spend probably 10+ hours a day looking at her phone reading news articles, past text messages/emails over and over but then be on the computer looking at Facebook for more information. Then finds a 'pattern' and links to events. It's all consuming and her head does not let her rest.

Hopefully you can help your wife not get to that point. For us it was the need to quit her job which led to her losing her identity as that job function was her identity and then the low feeling of self worth that comes with that over time.

I truly hope you can help guide your wife through this mate, it really hope that you do not go through what we are.

The one thing we did not do early and I am really annoyed at her Psychiatrist was getting behavioural therapy. To this day she has not seen or had someone to talk to frequently.

Have a look at this https://lonerwolf.com/judgmental-person/ and try and convince your wife to see a GP, get a referal to talk to someone, especially if she ticks off a number of these.

Keep in touch.