Wife is mentally ill and alcoholic

[Blackboy]

Please can I have advice about where I can turn to for help. I am 67 and my wife is 61. She is an alcoholic and matters have reached a point where she is so bad that I can't keep looking after her. She has reached a blood alcohol level of over .4 (NOT .04) several times. She has been to one clinic after another and while she is there she's fine but as soon as she comes home she starts drinking again. I am in despair because I can't stop her drinking (she buys the stuff herself and starts screaming and crying uncontrollably if I try to take it away), can't force her to eat (she is thin and weak), can't do much to help if she falls on the floor as she has often done, can't persuade her to take any exercise. She is often in bed sleeping or crying for most of the day. She also has severe depression and irrational thinking.

My doctor says the only thing I can do is to wait until next time she is taken to hospital and then refuse to accept her discharge to home. He says the hospital will then get a team of psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers to find care for her. But what if she dies? I love my wife dearly. I don't want to separate from her and she would quite possibly die of grief if she was separated from me. Is there any alternative to find long-term care for her? Clinics will only take her for a few weeks. Would there be any home care packages that would be available? I will pay whatever it takes. I just want to see her well and happy. At present she is wasting away and I can't stop it. I sit by her bedside and watch and my heart is breaking.

I suppose the position is different in different states. I'm in Victoria, near Melbourne.

[Blackboy]

Thanks. 7th went very well. She has had no alcohol for 5 weeks now, and shows no sign of wanting any. She is happy and productive. I think this is the way to go!

Previously when she drank I would sometimes sleep in another room but not always. It was necessary for me to stay not far away because there were 2 occasions where she ended up in hospital from falling over on the bathroom floor, cracking her head open so that it bled, and being unable to get up by herself. On another occasion she collapsed and vomited on the floor of her psychiatrist's office and again had to go to hospital by ambulance. She has also left a gas flame on in the kitchen, with potential to cause a disastrous fire. So constant vigilance has been needed. Almost the whole of 2019 was a write-off in our lives. But this seems to be in the past now.

The coronavirus lockdown in Melbourne has actually helped, I think, because she can't go far anyway to buy the stuff. But she could, if she wanted, get it, except that I am keeping her money and cards, which she happily agrees to.

I don't know anything about your situation but I think you should try my method. It seems to work wonders. If you care to tell me more details, I will try to help based on my experience. I have also found 2 Facebook groups (Living With Alcoholics and Partners of Alcoholics) where people are at least supportive and understanding. It might be worth trying them out, although the members are mostly in USA. Support, of the kind that you and a few others have given here, can make a big difference!