Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

Supporting my Brother after suicide attempt

replies: 3

My Brother is 22 and has been struggling for awhile, he has had 3 suicide attempts with the latest being tonight :(. He always calls and instantly regrets it and seeks help. He is withdrawn has dabbled in drugs, I just don’t know how to help him! He has tried rehab type mental health centres and such. I just dread that phone call everyday! I absolutely love and adore him no matter what, but I feel completely useless. Our parents are divorced, which makes communication hard but I am just at a loss. I can’t keep watching him do this How can I help? Is there any other places he can go? Therapies any suggestions welcome please!

Supporting a family member who won’t get help

replies: 2

Hello - my brother (who lives about 1.5 hrs from me) has a long-term problem with alcohol addiction. He also has diagnosed ADHD and OCD. He justifies the alcohol as a coping mechanism and won’t take his other medication due to interference. I feel like he has become way worse during COVID-19 as he is also influenced by conspiracy theories and doesn’t think there’s any point looking to the future. I am sick with worry that he will hurt himself or someone else and have repeatedly suggested he seeks treatment but he deflects by saying he can’t go into rehab due to his cats (and won’t listen to my offers to pay for them to be in care while he seeks treatment). I know that he has to be the one to make the step but it’s starting to seriously affect my own wellbeing. Has anyone else been here, and found some strategies that have worked?

Dealing with a partner who suffers PTSD

replies: 1

HI - my partner is an ex policeman and saw some disturbing stuff in his service- he is not a policeman anymore- but then he lost all his family including his wife to cancer or stroke- He is generally a lovely sweet man...but he does change persona at times when he is faced with a threatening situation.....and then he changes into Godzilla and says the most terrible things..... I was wondering if anyone had tips on how to deal with him when he looses it....

The best way to show support

replies: 1

Hello! I'll keep this short. I am looking to find out what helps you guys the most when it comes to receiving support from friends and family? Do you enjoy being texted or given space? What phrases or affirmations do you need to hear? And also, what makes you tick? What can people do to absolutely ruin your day? What do friends sometimes do that you wish they didn't? I want to know this so that I can help my friends with anxiety and depression THANK YOU ALL!!! Every contribution helps, no matter how small

Husband depressed and angry and I just don't know what else to do

replies: 8

Hello My first post. My husband and I have been together for nearly 20 years, married for 12 and we have a 7 year old. For as long as I can recall he has had various levels of depression but it has become especially worse in recent years and in particular the last year. He is constantly angry at me and my son, rude and mean. I'm working so hard to keep things going - home life, parenting our son and work (we run a business together.) When he is in a depressive state he says some truly awful things to me and I don't know why I put up with it. I'm just done. I vowed I would do anything to protect my son (who only thinks that daddy is cranky because he is tired). I feel sick and tired of having to be walking around on egg shells and being the "strong" one who has to keep the peace when inside I'm anxious, lonely and sad. I'm sure as you read this you would think that I should just leave but of course it is never that simple. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this today. Therapy perhaps? I just wish that he could say to me "I'm sorry, I'm feeling really bad at the moment, it's not you, it's the depression, just bear with me." I want my husband back. I hate this depression.

New concerned parent

replies: 1

Hi. I'm new to this forum and would love some guidance. My teenage son suffers from depression and anxiety and recently started talking about self harm and suicide as he see s no point in living. Won't see his psychiatrist and has stopped attending s... View more

How to support my partner while protecting my mental health, and help him become more emotionally resilient & get him out of negative thought patterns

replies: 9

Hi all. My partner and I have been together 6 months and he has been very upfront about suffering from depression and anxiety for most of his life. What I need help with is protecting my own mental health while supporting his. Throughout the relationship there has been a lot of push/pull from him. He will say something often not very nice or cruel, which pushes me away. I've been close to ending the relationship over the things he has said because I don't deserve it. Then he says all the right things to draw me back in, it's good for a while and then the cycle repeats. I feel like it's coming from a place of fear, but then another part of me wonders if he's just unsure about the relationship but he tells me this isn't the case. The other thing is he is stuck in constant negative thought patterns, and is holding on to past hurts. I've been supportive in listening and offering suggestions but he can't seem to move forward, and sometimes I feel more like his therapist than his partner, and it feels like we are going over the same things constantly with no improvement. I feel like I'm very understanding and supportive of his difficulties, but if anyone has suggestions I'm all for it. Everything of course has a flow on effect, thoughts in his head at night equals restless sleep equals flat and tired which effects his work-he has a lot of mental health days, which effects his concerns about losing his job because he isn't being effective which leads to worries about financial concerns and on and on. I've no doubt living in his head would be exhausting, and covid and lockdown has made everything worse. I've never been in a relationship like this before and I'm lost as to where I draw the line, because it is effecting my own mental health, happiness and self worth. The upside is he is great at communicating most of the time, he is willing to admit when he has made a mistake and I can see he is trying. I think this is a relationship worth fighting for, and I hope that if we can resolve some of the current problems in his life that will relieve some of the pressure. Thanks in advance for any advice.

This is just the start of my story but I am seeking hope and support

replies: 2

Hi, First time poster here so please be kind, let me share my story with you so you understand why I am here and reaching out for support. So here I go... My 19yo daughter suffers from schizo-affective disorder and I am her biggest support and carer as well as being her mum. What is schizo-affective disorder you may ask, well it is a combination of bi-polar and schizophrenia. So in one neat little (or not so neat) bundle she swings from being depressed (at times suicidal) to being manic as well as having psychosis. As her carer, I am utterly exhausted. As her mother I am overwhelmed and emotional as I process all that she is going through. There is so much more to this story but this is just a start. Why am I posting today I hear you ask, well I am reaching out to others in this community who may be in a similar position as I am in need of support but also hope. I need stories of hope that my daughter will come out the other side of this and be able to start living the life she deserves to live. I also need to hear stories of others in a similar position to me, I need to feel that I’m not alone in this journey and that there are others out there that understand what this is like. No judgement, no criticism, just hope, I need to feel some hope that we can get through this in one piece and that life will get better. Thanks for taking the time to read my post

Zoom connections for my mother

replies: 1

Hello everyone, I am looking for connections for my mum in terms of virtual/zoom meetings. She is finding it hard coping with her anxiety and depression and I’ve suggested zoom meetings to help her talk with people in similar circumstances. With everything going on in the world she finds it comforting doing zoom meetings and staying safe so if anyone can point me in the right direction that would be great.

Wife of depressed partner. Need some guidance

replies: 4

Hi My husband just got diagnosed with major depression. I'm so lost and confused as to how I support him. At the moment all I feel is frustration and sad that this is happening. Intimacy has dwindled, I feel I need to be in a great mood everyday to try and lift his, I feel I can't rely or lean on him as an equal partner. This all feels so sad. I know what he is going through cannot be helped. He has started taking an antidepressant and is going to see a psychologist soon. But will this get better? Can major depression be reversed or is this us now? Trying to be positive but it's so hard.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Supporting my Brother after suicide attempt replies: 3

Supporting a family member who won’t get help replies: 2

Dealing with a partner who suffers PTSD replies: 1

The best way to show support replies: 1

Husband depressed and angry and I just don't know what else to do replies: 8

New concerned parent replies: 1

How to support my partner while protecting my mental health, and help him become more emotionally resilient & get him out of negative thought patterns replies: 9

This is just the start of my story but I am seeking hope and support replies: 2

Zoom connections for my mother replies: 1

Wife of depressed partner. Need some guidance replies: 4