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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Anonymous365 Hospital programs
  • replies: 1

Our 10 sessions with headspace are nearly up so we are looking at starting private health insurance for our 18yo so that she can access private hospital programs for severe anxiety/depression. Would love to hear from anyone who has used inpatient/out... View more

Our 10 sessions with headspace are nearly up so we are looking at starting private health insurance for our 18yo so that she can access private hospital programs for severe anxiety/depression. Would love to hear from anyone who has used inpatient/outpatient hospital programs, or recommendations for private health insurance that cover the most costs, thank you

Nico_B Best Mental Health Online Courses
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I'm very interested in the mental health space and I am desperate to help both loved ones and strangers, both personally and professionally. As I'm isolated and have time and space, I'm wondering... what are some of the best online courses to... View more

Hi all, I'm very interested in the mental health space and I am desperate to help both loved ones and strangers, both personally and professionally. As I'm isolated and have time and space, I'm wondering... what are some of the best online courses to upskill/educate my knowledge and to earn certifications/qualifications that legitimise me in the mental health space? I understand "mental health" can be a broad and vague term, so to elaborate a bit more, I am particularly interested in youth facilitation / supporting men, but I am very open-minded to other areas as well. I know of a few people that have done a Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) course with MHFA Australia and they said it was very good. I have registered my interest and hope to complete this ASAP. Does anyone have experience with this? Are there any courses you (or someone you know) has completed and you would recommend? Hopefully we can built a list together Thank you! Nico

Woocle Parenting a teenager with depression, severe social anxiety *TRIGGER WARNING* - suicidal thoughts and self harm
  • replies: 2

My 15 year old son has diagnosed depression and social anxiety. He self harms and he is also addicted to his phone. I find myself making many allowances for him on his technology and with not going outside (particularly at the moment with self isolat... View more

My 15 year old son has diagnosed depression and social anxiety. He self harms and he is also addicted to his phone. I find myself making many allowances for him on his technology and with not going outside (particularly at the moment with self isolation being encouraged) that I would never usually make as I am worried about the self harm and suicidal thoughts kicking in again. He is retreating further and further into himself and only seems happy when on his phone or laptop. He doesn’t even talk to his friends anymore and obviously isn’t at school to see them. Every day is a battle to get him outside for just a few minutes and although I do set technology limits, I’m aware they are too generous and he finds ways around them anyway. He literally goes into a panic when he doesn’t have access for more than a couple of hours. It’s the last thing he does at night before handing it over and he’s up early to get it back in the morning. He is also not eating well, binge eating on sugar and then not eating proper meals - again a constant battle. He constantly lies about things and steals food, technology and sharp objects around the house. We have a lockable box now but he finds ways around it all. We are being seen by an excellent team which is more there for me than him as he doesn’t want to engage, he says it’s a waste of time. Medication seems to be having a slight effect but he doesn’t think so. I have another child who has to live with all this too. He is handling his brother’s mental health problems really well but I still feel he is suffering. I’m exhausted and feel like a failing mum. I would like to find a group to join where I can talk to other parents in this situation. I have a number of sympathetic friends, always happy to listen and my husband is very supportive but I need understanding from an experienced point of view. How do I find a group in my area or online?

Find_hope Sleep problems and other symtoms from medication
  • replies: 4

My Son was prescribed an antidepressant and anti psychotic medication about 8 months ago. The doctor diagnosed he had bipolar. But since then he was re diagnosed. With substance induced psychosis. He has a terrible time getting to sleep and staying a... View more

My Son was prescribed an antidepressant and anti psychotic medication about 8 months ago. The doctor diagnosed he had bipolar. But since then he was re diagnosed. With substance induced psychosis. He has a terrible time getting to sleep and staying asleep. Does anyone have any ideas's of how He can sleep better. Also The medication doesn't seem to help his depression. He is tapering off the anti psychotic under doctor instructions and is having worsening sleep, body aches, stomach pain and worsening depression. His Psychiatrist doesn't like to talk about the possible side affects. There answer is to increase the medication again. I have been told that he should have only been prescribed the anti psychotic medication for a few days. But now its seven months later and he's still tapering. Has anyone had any of these experiences?

selflove1 Dealing with a spouse that has OCD/ Autism Spectrum Disorder
  • replies: 4

Hi All, I have not done one of these before but I thought that I will give it a try. I believe my boyfriend has undiagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder. He does definitely have OCD and it can be challenging at times. I don't know if I should or how to b... View more

Hi All, I have not done one of these before but I thought that I will give it a try. I believe my boyfriend has undiagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder. He does definitely have OCD and it can be challenging at times. I don't know if I should or how to bring it up with him. I don't want to make things worse I just need help to better understand ways to deal with it. We have had a lot of issues around some of his characteristics and I hate to admit it but I get soo frustrated. I know it is not his fault, I feel so horrible when I get mad at him. He is such a beautiful loving person, will do anything for me and 100% devoted. I find myself getting so angry and I just get why doesn't he understand the problem. He truly doesn't understand or pick up the signs that I am starting to get frustrated until its too late and he just thinks it had come out of nowhere. But anyways I am not here to vent I need help. I really want some advice on how to better handle situations that will allow him to perhaps have less agitated and for me, no get frustrated and deescalate the situation. Some off the characteristics are: - He has to shop at the same supermarket and if they don't have what he needs or they are closed he can't cope. He gets very stressed and can't see another solution. I would think it's fine I will get another brand or go somewhere else. But that is not the case for him he gets angry and can't think straight. -Things that are said it taken literally. I might say I feel like chicken tonight then later I change my mind to pizza. Or we do a rough plan of weekly meals then it changes and he is super stressed about it. response "but this is what we were doing what are we going to do now?" Or if we make plans and the weather doesn't allow it. - Following instructions - I am a rough and ready kind of person. I wack it together and hope for the best and laugh about it if it doesn't turn out. That might be cooking, building something or planting veggies whatever it is and he is the opposite. He has to read the instructions and follow them to the exact detail. I guess he also needs to research things and know everything there is to know about it and almost be an expert. Sometimes it can come across to people that he is a know it all and big shot but I know that is not the case. Well, that is just a few. I am hoping people won't judge me I really just want to support him and find a way for us to be happy with no conflict. Any advice is welcome. Thanks, S

valanne How to help and support my 20y old son through deep social anxiety, self-hatred and depression
  • replies: 49

Hi, my son, aged 20, has been suffering from social anxiety and depression for over 2 years, probably a lot longer in a not-so-obvious way. Since finishing his HSC he has cut himself off from all his friends, dropped out of uni 3 weeks into a course,... View more

Hi, my son, aged 20, has been suffering from social anxiety and depression for over 2 years, probably a lot longer in a not-so-obvious way. Since finishing his HSC he has cut himself off from all his friends, dropped out of uni 3 weeks into a course, and has been increasingly living a reclusive life eve since. After working night shifts at McDonald's so he could sleep during the day, hide or justify his antisocial behaviours, most of last year, and going to leave in a remote country town by himself with the hope and good will to 'sort himself out' and understand his existential and identity crisis and overcome his depression, he came back home last September, to my relief, and was very welcome back by both his father and myself ( we have been separated fo a few years). After spending a month or so with his father and trying to discuss and unravel with him the roots of his deep malaise and antisocial behaviours, as well as the effects of his father's over protective and controlling parenting over his development and mental health, which ended up in one too many arguments, he has been living with me since October, and had cut off all communication with his father. Small talks with me on how he feels and why keep him going as I am the only person he ever talks to... though this is on the decline as he increasingly shuts his bedroom door when I gently try to challenge his thoughts or ask what the next steps and future plans may be . He hardly goes out, spends all day in his bedroom, and has been refusing categorically and fiercely to seek (professional) help in any form - whether counselling, mentorship, therapy, group meetings, online forums (despite one brief participation in your forums last year) etc... I was hoping for the best when he accepted to see our GP in December to try antidepressants, which he did for a couple of months but stopped recently as he believes they had no effect whatsoever, confirming his belief in the uselessness of seeking help... As his mother, it has become increasingly hard for me to cope, to know what to do and say, given his fragile state of being and the barricades he has built to protect himself from any trespassing... he is very unwell, and I feel I need help and advice! I should also mention that he has taken great interest in the ideas and work of Canadian Clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson... me too... but he is going nowhere beyond understanding what's wrong with him... weak, too agreeable... HELP please !

Kz30 Confused and worried
  • replies: 3

Hi I have been In Victoria for the last 2 months as my sister who is 52 has been diagnosed with throat cancer for a second time, I can see she is struggling with what maybe the outcome for her, my worry and confusion is that we lost our eldest sister... View more

Hi I have been In Victoria for the last 2 months as my sister who is 52 has been diagnosed with throat cancer for a second time, I can see she is struggling with what maybe the outcome for her, my worry and confusion is that we lost our eldest sister she was aged 49 in 2014 suddenly and I found her, I’m trying not to compare the 2 but it is hard when they look and sound so much alike, my husband and family are all in qld he does not understand the impact of what is happening nor do I feel he is willing to try and understand my sister and I are best friends and I can feel myself slipping into a bad depression ptsd state if I’m not able to get on top of it I feel like I am grieving again but for both sisters, I practice mindfulness everyday and grateful to be here with her I just really needing somewhere to off load we’re I don’t feel I’m crazy hope this makes sense

Jase1544 Help.... just found out my partner has BPD
  • replies: 1

he started to accuse me of looking at women in public to the point she would get so angry and cause a scene. This has happened many times, at my 5 year old nieces birthday party and another time she accused me of having the hots for my cousin. Its be... View more

he started to accuse me of looking at women in public to the point she would get so angry and cause a scene. This has happened many times, at my 5 year old nieces birthday party and another time she accused me of having the hots for my cousin. Its been intense and constant. We cannot go anywhere and have a good time without something triggering her. I have a 5 year old daughter to my ex wife. Whilst my partner has always been nice and kind to my daughter I feel there is animosity and jealousy towards my daughter , she seems to look for things to pick about behaviour or things my daughter may say. .. and there's the ex wife... my partner refused to meet my ex wife for a long time and has caused me great stress every time have to communicate with my daughters mum. She will listen to the conversation and make up crazy scenarios about us still loving each other and wanting to get back together... its completely ridiculous, she will even open my mail and go through my phone in an attempt to find evidence to back up her beliefs. She will look at texts between myself and my daughters mothers and get enraged. The msgs are simply communicating about caring for my daughter. I honestly feel like she picks and criticises me all the time like everything I do is not good enough or could be better. She has manipulated me into staying by threatening self harm etc. She has even staged a hospital visit in order for me to feel sorry for her. Its been an absolute train wreck where I feel I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't We have fights that turn into yelling and swearing at each other. I often feel like I'm attacked and backed into a corner with no where to go. She then calls me abusive when she instigated the fight and escalated.... i get worried she will take her allegations further in order to play victim. I have recently got her to go into hospital to get help. She has been diagnosed with BPD and has said she is sorry for everything and that she wants to change.

aprilmayyy Lost on what to do and feeling stuck
  • replies: 1

I suffered PTSD from an assault I experienced a year ago. Once I started to feel better and go back to normal, my partner's feelings about the situations began to turn. He questioned me for not coming to him earlier about the event and saw this as a ... View more

I suffered PTSD from an assault I experienced a year ago. Once I started to feel better and go back to normal, my partner's feelings about the situations began to turn. He questioned me for not coming to him earlier about the event and saw this as a breach of trust. I understand completely where he comes from but I feel as though he can not, and will not ever be able to understand the emotional damage the event caused me. Over he past few months his mood has changed as he becomes depressed and unmotivated in every aspect of his life. He has hardly initiated sex or said that he loves me. He will have really high highs then he will spiral out of control over something small. He will default to being rude to me and take out everything on me. Sometimes when we are together everything will be fine and then I go to work and he will text me saying how sad he is and that he doesn't think he right in the head. He has messaged suicidal intentions and sometimes will not reply to anyone, scaring us all. He has always suffered from depression and anxiety and it something we have always talked about. When we first started going out he mentioned how his last GF had left him due to his 'dark' times and he could never forgive her. He refuses to speak to anyone, when he has never even tried one. I am here for him 100% through all this but the way he treats me when he hits the down periods is really starting to effect me. I feel as though I can't leave him, he gets jealous of my friends, he will message me very scary messages as soon as he has left me. I am now developing anxiety as I'm scared of what he will do when he is not with me. He's pushed all his friends away and relies on me heavily. Just today he has gone from having a lovely morning to rock bottom, texting me while I'm work, a complete mess. I love him so much but this is not healthy for my own mental state as well as his. I am only 25 years old and having recently gone through an assault and trauma want nothing more than a happy life which I have worked hard for in the last few months. I feel lost and stuck and don't know what else I can do to offer support to the one I love who is also now struggling.

Kellie14 I don’t know what to do
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, my husband has depression and some anxiety. Sometimes he’s great, but when he’s down, he’s down. I try my hardest to support him the best I can. He has just told me that he is unhappy in our marriage and with his work and everything else... View more

Hi everyone, my husband has depression and some anxiety. Sometimes he’s great, but when he’s down, he’s down. I try my hardest to support him the best I can. He has just told me that he is unhappy in our marriage and with his work and everything else. He doesn’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to talk about it and he doesn’t want to see anybody about it. He says there is something in his life missing and he doesn’t know what it is or how to figure out what it is. What do I do? I don’t know weather to talk to him or give him space. Thanks in advance