Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

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Given it my all and still no sign of light

replies: 7

I'm exhausted. As a result of domestic violence, for 10 years I have been a single, self supporting mum of a now 17 yo daughter with PTSD, anxiety and depression and a son with level 2 ASD (Aspergers) now 13. I have given every drop I have to keep my children in good schools and seeing good specialists (despite me being diagnosed with depression a few years ago as well). But after 10 years of giving it my all I am running out of steam and things have only got more demanding - despite Psychiatrists and Psychologists and medication and support for years, my daughter's depression has progressively increased to a stage that she cant attend school (year 11) most days and my son is hitting puberty and so presenting with a whole new range of challenges. I just feel so deflated, like Ive given it my all only to end up with both kids in an unhappy state and with nothing left in the tank to keep us afloat. I know all the rhetoric, and the importance of self care etc. But just for the time it has taken to belt this out on the laptop, I wanted to tell someone that some days it's really hard for me to keep giving and supporting and seeing no positive outcome. I'll keep doing it of course because there's no option to give up.

A letter to my future self

replies: 1

Dear Future Self, I am writing you this letter to share insights and strategies that have empowered me to persist in the face of my mental health and illness. I write with a caring heart that it reaches anyone struggling with their mental health, supporting a family, friend or colleague or those who just want to offer support to others. Collectively, we have the power to inspire more conversations on this topic and as well learn more about it so that you can adopt or share with the knowledge with others. Firstly, understanding the difference between mental health and mental illness is helpful. Everyone has a mental health, and based on our words, actions and behaviours contributes to whether or not we have good or poor mental health. For example, to making the decision to exercise regularly and eating well everyday. The consequence of having poor mental health can lead to mental illness, such as depression and anxiety. I have both. Similar to this unprecedented pandemic, mental illness does not discriminate on who it chooses and there is a no cure that can fix me overnight. It can happen to anyone at any time. Mental illness does not get cured through time, instead it requires the expertise of medical professionals. All personal and professional life events shape our mental health both consciously and subconsciously. The beast as I like to call it led me down a path from experiencing events that hurt me. From losing a dear friend in high school, becoming the ‘man’ of the house’ in my teenage years, and getting beat down on the tumultuous ride of Mum’s bowel cancer were only a sample of events that were building subconsciously until I couldn't cope with anything anymore. I lost my sense of identity, continually questioning my self-worth, purpose and will. It had crippled my passion for my work in the disability sector where I had to walk away from serving as a Board member for a non for profit organisation that was so dear to my heart. So what does it really feel like?

My daughter is psychotic and won’t go to the doctors I’m terrified

replies: 2

My daughter is having her 4th psychotic episode. This one has me dead centre as the enemy. Usually we have a good relationship but these episodes have slowly ruined our relationship. She’s angry and manic. She doesn’t think she is ill won’t go to the hospital, last ambulance visit ended with police, handcuffs, sedated, catheterised and detained...very traumatic, and I need to ring an ambulance again but I am so fearful because of the police being so violent. Why did this ya e to happen to her

I don't know how to help my friend tell his parents about his mental health

replies: 2

My friend has recently told me and his partner about his struggle with depression, anxiety and bipolar. We have since encouraged him to see the doctors which he has done. He has been put on some medication but has another appointment coming up. We are left with no idea what to do because he refuses to tell his parents and we found out that he has started to self harm. He has started to be open with us about the extremes of his mental health but we are struggling so much. We have considered telling his parents ourselves however we don't want to break his trust, but that means that have to figure out a way to get him to talk to them. He has told us that he doesn't want to upset his family but we know that they will help him. Please keep in mind that we are only teenagers

Seperate Father of 3 Feeling Guilty

replies: 2

Hi Everyone, My 40 year old brother has been seperate from his wife for nearly 2 years now. They have 3 kids together, & he feels really guilty that they’re now from a “broken home” I received a call for help from him tonight, & found him crying on the couch. He is very “old school” & is heartbroken his marriage ended. Mum & I have tried to explain to him that his kids are healthy & happy, & that it’s very common for parents to seperate, but in his words “it’s Just not right, They should have their mum & dad together” He has the kids 3 nights & 2 dinners a fortnight. We didn’t know at the time, but he’s had depression for over 10 years, & it started coming to light when his kids were born (He had 3 under 5) Unfortunately he took to drinking to help cope & ultimately it was the cause of his marriage breakup. He has a psychiatrist, he did start seeing a psychologist but “didn’t click”. He is completely broken hearted & riddled with guilt, I don’t know who will be able to help him? He doesn’t feel talking to someone will make these feelings go away, & honestly he is just so “broken” I don’t even know if it will help. Is there anything available for men in his situation, or has anyone gone through something similar and come out the other side? I’m so scared that one day he will end his own pain because he just can’t see any light.

Suicidal sister

replies: 2

Hi everyone, My sister has been dealing with anxieties for such a long time. This has gotten worse lately, I believe she is depressed as she takes everything negatively. She cannot let go things that has happened in the past and keeps going around it. She wants everyone to give her attention, things to go her way, needs sympathy or it triggers her anxiety. This has gotten worse lately, she tried committing suicide last week but posted about it (indirectly) in social media an hour before doing it. Now what does that mean? I’m really confused. I have never dealt with a similar situation and I don’t know how to approach this situation. She doesn’t really talk to me and even if I say anything, she tends to take it negatively. I keep thinking about this a lot and everyone has expectation from me as I’m the one who lives with her. I feel anxious too when I think about it. I’ve advised her that she should seek help and I can come along if you need someone but I don’t think she is willing to seek help. And I’m tired of waking up everyday and thinking about this all over again and again.

how to help a depressed partner to move forward

replies: 2

I would just like to start of by saying thank you for everyone who is courageous enough to write on here and to everyone who is kind enough to reply. If it wasn't for you all i would not have been able to navigate through my experience. My boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months, 3 good ones and 5 depressed ones. He has never been depressed before and i've never dated anyone with depression. He is a cardiologist who lives with his aunty and uncle, as one of them has a heart condition. He quit work this year to go and look after his dad who is dying of cancer in Italy, however due to the Coronavirus he can't leave the country. After 4 months of failed medication he is now on an antidepressant and seeing a psychologist. He is on his 7th week of the antidepressant and it is working (slowly) i can see a positive difference in communication and thought process. His psychologist thinks he is not getting better as quick as he should be because he is not moving forward with his life. The problem is, is that he doesn't see a change, he still has no energy to get up or even talk on the phone, thinks of himself as useless and due to not working he doesn't have a schedule. He is unable to go back to work due to side effects of the medication. He is well taken care of at home, too well, and he has nowhere to be so he sleeps all day. He is an amazing man with big dreams and accepts he has depression, however i feel he is now comfortable within his depression and his dreams have faded. This concerns me. I understand that everyone who suffers depression has a difference experience. He responds well to me and i think with a gentle nudge i might be able to start the wheel turning. I would like to know what steps a partner can do to slightly push/assist/encourage their depressed partner to want to move forward (eg: exercise,move out, get in a routine, donate his time...ect )

All I feel now is resentment

replies: 1

My de-facto partner of 3 + years has diagnosed depression, anxiety and OCD. He is so deeply absorbed by his rumination that he barely responds when I talk to him and his presence in the house is like a dark cloud. He never smiles or has anything positive to say and frankly it is draining to be around. I was forgiving of his behaviour and supportive of his efforts to seek help for a long time, but he won’t commit to therapy for more than few months and any slight improvements fade over time. Now all I feel is resentment and my solution to protect my own mental health has been to check out of the relationship emotionally. Due to recent financial commitments, I can’t leave right now, but I am considering a long term escape plan. I know this forum is about supporting loved ones, but what happens when you just can’t anymore? I’d love to hear from someone who has been in this place and come back from it? Is it possible?

I’ve got a family member that I’m extremely worried about

replies: 1

Hi everyone. Just tonight I caught up with my mum and I’m extremely worried about her mental health as the conversation got very dark as she fell into tears which I’ve never seen her do before and mention that her work has been hell for her as her boss isn’t helping around the workplace and has been very cold towards her and very unorganised and she’s feeling the pressure at work and has effected her behaviour at home. She mention that she has no energy to fight and more and wants to roll over and give up. I’m very worried. What should I do. I know if I recommend a psychiatrist she won’t go as she can be as stubborn as me. Please help as I’m as m concern that it may affect my parent’s marriage P.S. Before anyone’s stresses about me I’m doing good. I’ve got a job under my belt and working full time on a job that I love and I’m moving out in 3 weeks and got close friends to communicate to. Any advice would be appreciated and I wish very one that no ones alone during these difficult times Thank you

Homeschooling A Child With A Mental Health Condition

replies: 4

Hi all, Just wondering if any of you have children with a mental health condition and you have had to home-school them? Are you able to share any tips on how they can benefit the most from these challenging times? Background:- Miss 7 (grade 1) has ADHD, is on medication but still finds it hard to concentrate. I'm working from home whilst trying to home-school her again so I'd appreciate any tips you can share please. I'm sure there are others in the same boat or similar too. Take care. Thanks in advance.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Given it my all and still no sign of light replies: 7

A letter to my future self replies: 1

My daughter is psychotic and won’t go to the doctors I’m terrified replies: 2

I don't know how to help my friend tell his parents about his mental health replies: 2

Seperate Father of 3 Feeling Guilty replies: 2

Suicidal sister replies: 2

how to help a depressed partner to move forward replies: 2

All I feel now is resentment replies: 1

I’ve got a family member that I’m extremely worried about replies: 1

Homeschooling A Child With A Mental Health Condition replies: 4