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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Comforteater Neighbourly help
  • replies: 2

I am looking for some advice on how best can try and help someone that I don’t know very well. Some background, my neighbour and his dog moved in around 12-18 months ago. He set up the garden nicely with some lovely plants pots, a veg garden, furnitu... View more

I am looking for some advice on how best can try and help someone that I don’t know very well. Some background, my neighbour and his dog moved in around 12-18 months ago. He set up the garden nicely with some lovely plants pots, a veg garden, furniture the BBQ a fire pit etc etc. (we can see straight in!). All we really know about him is that he was successful in the music industry, his career faded and has dropped off. He’s marriage broke down, he doesn’t have any children and I’m not aware of family around or being close by. Over time, particularly the last 6 months or so, the house has gone into severe disrepair. We’re pretty sure he drinks heavily and daily. We’ve often had neighbourly chats in the past but he’s no longer outside very often and I find it hard to find a way to get something personal in a short conversation like asking are you ok. My husband has his number and reached out to him via text to see if he was ok and needed anything. He seems to appreciate the check in but always says he’s ok. I realise I must sound like a curtain twitching nosey neighbour here but there are months of many things that have happened that are hard for me to condense and explain why I am here. Just to mention a few…short conversations with him sharing stories of living life on the edge, telling us how he wants to ‘go out’, daily booze deliveries, hearing him throw up every day, hearing the bottles chink in the bin every few hours, no more guitar playing or regular/weekly singing sessions and seeing what was once a cared for house and garden fall into disrepair. Pre Covid lockdown, we'd rarely see him go out anymore or have any visitors. As far as I can tell his dog does have food, shelter and water. It might be nothing but I thought these were signs of someone needing help. Any advice on different options on how I can reach out would be greatly appreciated. I understand someone might not want help but I can’t sit back and do nothing.

LouiseEliz Seeking help for a friend
  • replies: 4

Hi there, This will be my first post on here. I am writing on behalf of a friend who recently confided in me he has suicidal thoughts ( of which he won’t act on according to him), severe anxiety preventing him from getting up sometimes in the morning... View more

Hi there, This will be my first post on here. I am writing on behalf of a friend who recently confided in me he has suicidal thoughts ( of which he won’t act on according to him), severe anxiety preventing him from getting up sometimes in the morning, physical exhaustion and feeling the need to be alone. I just recently took him out for a trip to the cinema to take him away from “real life “ for a bit and to just have a small talk to let him know that we can address this together. He mentioned himself he doesn’t know whether to see someone. He is worried he may see someone he knows when he s at a doctors locally, which I totally understand. The great thing is that he s talking to me openly about how he feels. He s giving himself a hard time for feeling how he does as he believes he has nothing to “feel depressed about “ but as we know it’s not as simple as that. I have mentioned things like going for walks outdoors instead of being trapped inside with his thoughts, perhaps getting some vitamin D and fresh air with me and the dog may help clear his mind and also a gratitude journal or just send me 1 thing you’re grateful for per day. But I don’t want to force anything on him. I know from previous experience that just being with someone else helps distract you from your sometimes “illogical” thoughts that seem so rational to you at the time. I want to advise him or be there for him in the best professional way so that he can seek help. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

donz40 Hi there
  • replies: 2

This afternoon while at work my husband sent a text that he was feeling lost and that he doesnt belong.. . I was going to call him but he said hes busy working . Prior to this he has said this before when he was down but i had to let him be but still... View more

This afternoon while at work my husband sent a text that he was feeling lost and that he doesnt belong.. . I was going to call him but he said hes busy working . Prior to this he has said this before when he was down but i had to let him be but still check on him. But today I said i am here for him...he didnt respond so i sent him a crisis number. I tried to call again but he sent another text he is working. I want to know how to get him to talk and communicate with me? How should i approach him? Advice, what do i say? I am not even sure on his mood

lilykitten Covid lockdown vent
  • replies: 3

I am a fulltime teacher managing online classes and a single mother of two daughters. A sixteen year old struggling with online VCE and a 15 yr old with autism and extreme anxiety. I am also caring for my elderly mother who has health problems and is... View more

I am a fulltime teacher managing online classes and a single mother of two daughters. A sixteen year old struggling with online VCE and a 15 yr old with autism and extreme anxiety. I am also caring for my elderly mother who has health problems and is locked down next door. The 15 year old who has refused school for the last 18 months was finally responding to medication and I had finally got carers to come to the house and she was indicating she was ready to go back to school in increments before the lockdown started. then the tensions with everyone home and in her space stopped her from taking medication, she refused online appointments too. Because of this YMH ar wanting to hospitalize her against her will. My gut is saying it will worsen both her anxiety and my relationship with her, (as her safe person) but I really need respite. Am I too old to run away from home?

Anonymous365 Hospital programs
  • replies: 1

Our 10 sessions with headspace are nearly up so we are looking at starting private health insurance for our 18yo so that she can access private hospital programs for severe anxiety/depression. Would love to hear from anyone who has used inpatient/out... View more

Our 10 sessions with headspace are nearly up so we are looking at starting private health insurance for our 18yo so that she can access private hospital programs for severe anxiety/depression. Would love to hear from anyone who has used inpatient/outpatient hospital programs, or recommendations for private health insurance that cover the most costs, thank you

Nico_B Best Mental Health Online Courses
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I'm very interested in the mental health space and I am desperate to help both loved ones and strangers, both personally and professionally. As I'm isolated and have time and space, I'm wondering... what are some of the best online courses to... View more

Hi all, I'm very interested in the mental health space and I am desperate to help both loved ones and strangers, both personally and professionally. As I'm isolated and have time and space, I'm wondering... what are some of the best online courses to upskill/educate my knowledge and to earn certifications/qualifications that legitimise me in the mental health space? I understand "mental health" can be a broad and vague term, so to elaborate a bit more, I am particularly interested in youth facilitation / supporting men, but I am very open-minded to other areas as well. I know of a few people that have done a Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) course with MHFA Australia and they said it was very good. I have registered my interest and hope to complete this ASAP. Does anyone have experience with this? Are there any courses you (or someone you know) has completed and you would recommend? Hopefully we can built a list together Thank you! Nico

Woocle Parenting a teenager with depression, severe social anxiety *TRIGGER WARNING* - suicidal thoughts and self harm
  • replies: 2

My 15 year old son has diagnosed depression and social anxiety. He self harms and he is also addicted to his phone. I find myself making many allowances for him on his technology and with not going outside (particularly at the moment with self isolat... View more

My 15 year old son has diagnosed depression and social anxiety. He self harms and he is also addicted to his phone. I find myself making many allowances for him on his technology and with not going outside (particularly at the moment with self isolation being encouraged) that I would never usually make as I am worried about the self harm and suicidal thoughts kicking in again. He is retreating further and further into himself and only seems happy when on his phone or laptop. He doesn’t even talk to his friends anymore and obviously isn’t at school to see them. Every day is a battle to get him outside for just a few minutes and although I do set technology limits, I’m aware they are too generous and he finds ways around them anyway. He literally goes into a panic when he doesn’t have access for more than a couple of hours. It’s the last thing he does at night before handing it over and he’s up early to get it back in the morning. He is also not eating well, binge eating on sugar and then not eating proper meals - again a constant battle. He constantly lies about things and steals food, technology and sharp objects around the house. We have a lockable box now but he finds ways around it all. We are being seen by an excellent team which is more there for me than him as he doesn’t want to engage, he says it’s a waste of time. Medication seems to be having a slight effect but he doesn’t think so. I have another child who has to live with all this too. He is handling his brother’s mental health problems really well but I still feel he is suffering. I’m exhausted and feel like a failing mum. I would like to find a group to join where I can talk to other parents in this situation. I have a number of sympathetic friends, always happy to listen and my husband is very supportive but I need understanding from an experienced point of view. How do I find a group in my area or online?

Find_hope Sleep problems and other symtoms from medication
  • replies: 4

My Son was prescribed an antidepressant and anti psychotic medication about 8 months ago. The doctor diagnosed he had bipolar. But since then he was re diagnosed. With substance induced psychosis. He has a terrible time getting to sleep and staying a... View more

My Son was prescribed an antidepressant and anti psychotic medication about 8 months ago. The doctor diagnosed he had bipolar. But since then he was re diagnosed. With substance induced psychosis. He has a terrible time getting to sleep and staying asleep. Does anyone have any ideas's of how He can sleep better. Also The medication doesn't seem to help his depression. He is tapering off the anti psychotic under doctor instructions and is having worsening sleep, body aches, stomach pain and worsening depression. His Psychiatrist doesn't like to talk about the possible side affects. There answer is to increase the medication again. I have been told that he should have only been prescribed the anti psychotic medication for a few days. But now its seven months later and he's still tapering. Has anyone had any of these experiences?

selflove1 Dealing with a spouse that has OCD/ Autism Spectrum Disorder
  • replies: 4

Hi All, I have not done one of these before but I thought that I will give it a try. I believe my boyfriend has undiagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder. He does definitely have OCD and it can be challenging at times. I don't know if I should or how to b... View more

Hi All, I have not done one of these before but I thought that I will give it a try. I believe my boyfriend has undiagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder. He does definitely have OCD and it can be challenging at times. I don't know if I should or how to bring it up with him. I don't want to make things worse I just need help to better understand ways to deal with it. We have had a lot of issues around some of his characteristics and I hate to admit it but I get soo frustrated. I know it is not his fault, I feel so horrible when I get mad at him. He is such a beautiful loving person, will do anything for me and 100% devoted. I find myself getting so angry and I just get why doesn't he understand the problem. He truly doesn't understand or pick up the signs that I am starting to get frustrated until its too late and he just thinks it had come out of nowhere. But anyways I am not here to vent I need help. I really want some advice on how to better handle situations that will allow him to perhaps have less agitated and for me, no get frustrated and deescalate the situation. Some off the characteristics are: - He has to shop at the same supermarket and if they don't have what he needs or they are closed he can't cope. He gets very stressed and can't see another solution. I would think it's fine I will get another brand or go somewhere else. But that is not the case for him he gets angry and can't think straight. -Things that are said it taken literally. I might say I feel like chicken tonight then later I change my mind to pizza. Or we do a rough plan of weekly meals then it changes and he is super stressed about it. response "but this is what we were doing what are we going to do now?" Or if we make plans and the weather doesn't allow it. - Following instructions - I am a rough and ready kind of person. I wack it together and hope for the best and laugh about it if it doesn't turn out. That might be cooking, building something or planting veggies whatever it is and he is the opposite. He has to read the instructions and follow them to the exact detail. I guess he also needs to research things and know everything there is to know about it and almost be an expert. Sometimes it can come across to people that he is a know it all and big shot but I know that is not the case. Well, that is just a few. I am hoping people won't judge me I really just want to support him and find a way for us to be happy with no conflict. Any advice is welcome. Thanks, S

valanne How to help and support my 20y old son through deep social anxiety, self-hatred and depression
  • replies: 49

Hi, my son, aged 20, has been suffering from social anxiety and depression for over 2 years, probably a lot longer in a not-so-obvious way. Since finishing his HSC he has cut himself off from all his friends, dropped out of uni 3 weeks into a course,... View more

Hi, my son, aged 20, has been suffering from social anxiety and depression for over 2 years, probably a lot longer in a not-so-obvious way. Since finishing his HSC he has cut himself off from all his friends, dropped out of uni 3 weeks into a course, and has been increasingly living a reclusive life eve since. After working night shifts at McDonald's so he could sleep during the day, hide or justify his antisocial behaviours, most of last year, and going to leave in a remote country town by himself with the hope and good will to 'sort himself out' and understand his existential and identity crisis and overcome his depression, he came back home last September, to my relief, and was very welcome back by both his father and myself ( we have been separated fo a few years). After spending a month or so with his father and trying to discuss and unravel with him the roots of his deep malaise and antisocial behaviours, as well as the effects of his father's over protective and controlling parenting over his development and mental health, which ended up in one too many arguments, he has been living with me since October, and had cut off all communication with his father. Small talks with me on how he feels and why keep him going as I am the only person he ever talks to... though this is on the decline as he increasingly shuts his bedroom door when I gently try to challenge his thoughts or ask what the next steps and future plans may be . He hardly goes out, spends all day in his bedroom, and has been refusing categorically and fiercely to seek (professional) help in any form - whether counselling, mentorship, therapy, group meetings, online forums (despite one brief participation in your forums last year) etc... I was hoping for the best when he accepted to see our GP in December to try antidepressants, which he did for a couple of months but stopped recently as he believes they had no effect whatsoever, confirming his belief in the uselessness of seeking help... As his mother, it has become increasingly hard for me to cope, to know what to do and say, given his fragile state of being and the barricades he has built to protect himself from any trespassing... he is very unwell, and I feel I need help and advice! I should also mention that he has taken great interest in the ideas and work of Canadian Clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson... me too... but he is going nowhere beyond understanding what's wrong with him... weak, too agreeable... HELP please !