Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

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Suicidal sister

replies: 2

Hi everyone, My sister has been dealing with anxieties for such a long time. This has gotten worse lately, I believe she is depressed as she takes everything negatively. She cannot let go things that has happened in the past and keeps going around it. She wants everyone to give her attention, things to go her way, needs sympathy or it triggers her anxiety. This has gotten worse lately, she tried committing suicide last week but posted about it (indirectly) in social media an hour before doing it. Now what does that mean? I’m really confused. I have never dealt with a similar situation and I don’t know how to approach this situation. She doesn’t really talk to me and even if I say anything, she tends to take it negatively. I keep thinking about this a lot and everyone has expectation from me as I’m the one who lives with her. I feel anxious too when I think about it. I’ve advised her that she should seek help and I can come along if you need someone but I don’t think she is willing to seek help. And I’m tired of waking up everyday and thinking about this all over again and again.

how to help a depressed partner to move forward

replies: 2

I would just like to start of by saying thank you for everyone who is courageous enough to write on here and to everyone who is kind enough to reply. If it wasn't for you all i would not have been able to navigate through my experience. My boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months, 3 good ones and 5 depressed ones. He has never been depressed before and i've never dated anyone with depression. He is a cardiologist who lives with his aunty and uncle, as one of them has a heart condition. He quit work this year to go and look after his dad who is dying of cancer in Italy, however due to the Coronavirus he can't leave the country. After 4 months of failed medication he is now on an antidepressant and seeing a psychologist. He is on his 7th week of the antidepressant and it is working (slowly) i can see a positive difference in communication and thought process. His psychologist thinks he is not getting better as quick as he should be because he is not moving forward with his life. The problem is, is that he doesn't see a change, he still has no energy to get up or even talk on the phone, thinks of himself as useless and due to not working he doesn't have a schedule. He is unable to go back to work due to side effects of the medication. He is well taken care of at home, too well, and he has nowhere to be so he sleeps all day. He is an amazing man with big dreams and accepts he has depression, however i feel he is now comfortable within his depression and his dreams have faded. This concerns me. I understand that everyone who suffers depression has a difference experience. He responds well to me and i think with a gentle nudge i might be able to start the wheel turning. I would like to know what steps a partner can do to slightly push/assist/encourage their depressed partner to want to move forward (eg: exercise,move out, get in a routine, donate his time...ect )

All I feel now is resentment

replies: 1

My de-facto partner of 3 + years has diagnosed depression, anxiety and OCD. He is so deeply absorbed by his rumination that he barely responds when I talk to him and his presence in the house is like a dark cloud. He never smiles or has anything positive to say and frankly it is draining to be around. I was forgiving of his behaviour and supportive of his efforts to seek help for a long time, but he won’t commit to therapy for more than few months and any slight improvements fade over time. Now all I feel is resentment and my solution to protect my own mental health has been to check out of the relationship emotionally. Due to recent financial commitments, I can’t leave right now, but I am considering a long term escape plan. I know this forum is about supporting loved ones, but what happens when you just can’t anymore? I’d love to hear from someone who has been in this place and come back from it? Is it possible?

I’ve got a family member that I’m extremely worried about

replies: 1

Hi everyone. Just tonight I caught up with my mum and I’m extremely worried about her mental health as the conversation got very dark as she fell into tears which I’ve never seen her do before and mention that her work has been hell for her as her boss isn’t helping around the workplace and has been very cold towards her and very unorganised and she’s feeling the pressure at work and has effected her behaviour at home. She mention that she has no energy to fight and more and wants to roll over and give up. I’m very worried. What should I do. I know if I recommend a psychiatrist she won’t go as she can be as stubborn as me. Please help as I’m as m concern that it may affect my parent’s marriage P.S. Before anyone’s stresses about me I’m doing good. I’ve got a job under my belt and working full time on a job that I love and I’m moving out in 3 weeks and got close friends to communicate to. Any advice would be appreciated and I wish very one that no ones alone during these difficult times Thank you

Homeschooling A Child With A Mental Health Condition

replies: 4

Hi all, Just wondering if any of you have children with a mental health condition and you have had to home-school them? Are you able to share any tips on how they can benefit the most from these challenging times? Background:- Miss 7 (grade 1) has ADHD, is on medication but still finds it hard to concentrate. I'm working from home whilst trying to home-school her again so I'd appreciate any tips you can share please. I'm sure there are others in the same boat or similar too. Take care. Thanks in advance.

Guidance needed

replies: 1

My husband suffers from anxiety/panic disorder. I have tried to talk to him about the reason (not going to wake up) and I have now realised that this has been a fear for the 11 years I’ve known him. I have suggested seeing someone to discuss the issue but get met with “it’s nothing that happened” before. He now doesn’t sleep in bed with me anymore choosing to sleep on the couch as he can have the TV on to sleep - this was all through our relationship but didn’t realise the real reason until recently (we had about 2 years roughly where the TV didn’t have to be on). Hubby refuses to even acknowledge that it could have started from a trauma in younger years. I am now at a loss at what to do. It’s starting to affect my own mental health and I have considered to seek therapy myself. I feel silly though as it’s not my problem and I know that. I just can’t get my head around him not wanting to seek support and not seeing the issue for what the issue it is. It is starting to affect our relationship as I am getting to the point we can’t plan a holiday, we don’t sleep together anymore, I don’t sleep because of the sound of the TV, and I don’t feel I can express my true feelings anymore. I am at a loss of how to help. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated. Note: he is taking anti depressants/sleeping tablets prescribed by docs.

Worried about longterm friend with signs of depression

replies: 4

Hi everyone, first time on the forums but am really struggling at the moment. I have a long term, best friend who has been showing signs of depression for a while now (where I have tried to support her and suggested ways to get help) and now she has completely cut me out of her life with zero contact. I myself struggle from anxiety so am finding it hard to know what to do next and constantly overthinking things. Should I continue to check in or take this as a sign to distance myself from this friendship because she is not wanting me to send her messages etc? Thanks.

Helping Mum

replies: 3

Hi Guys, I’m here because yesterday my amazing Mum deliberately harmed herself. She has since been treated in hospital and discharged with some input from the mental health team. She has suffered with amphetamine use for some time, was in a toxic relationship with a narcissist and ice-addict which has been ‘ending’ for the last 2 years, with AVO’s, arrests, warrants etc, she has recently been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, is struggling financially and told me today that she was assaulted as a child (didn’t want to elaborate except to say she never sought help as a child as she didn't think she would be believed). I have tried everything from having her stay with me, helping her financially, taking time off work/uni to support her, I call her nearly everyday and have got her started with a psychologist, however she didn’t like her and didn’t think it was helping so left. She still feels hopeless about the future which scares the crap out of me! And when I try and explain how much I need her, she brushes me off and says ‘Well it’s gonna happen eventually anyway’. I’m at a loss as to how I can support her anymore and am sure she won’t seek help on her own! i just want my mum back!! Please help!!

Tolerant partners

replies: 11

There's no denying it, a partner with mental illness needs tolerance. The more tolerance the smoother life will be. Unfortunately, empathy isnt an individuals priority. It's normal to think of yourself first for you carry your body around not your partners, you do so many tasks without your partner present...so focussing on yourself has to be ok. And that is amplified by the one who has the mind issues for we are not only trying to carry out the bare basics of living chores, we are battling our demons. So where is there room for our partners? Do we contribute enough to feed their needs of love comfort, enjoyment and care? Maybe not. And if not, what can we do to compensate as insurance they will hang around. Our partners deserve love care and enjoyment. But there we are with our special needs, extra sleep, moodiness, frustration medications with their side effects of zombiness! It all adds up to more work for your partner. A lonely existence at times. I visited a new GP once. After the general info about my conditions he turned to my wife "and how are you travelling"? One of my suggestions is to... "grease the cherry tree" Thats an old saying but it means to prime your partners needs to avoid conflict. A revamp of effort every few weeks will keep the mechanisms of your unit in good shape...kind of reward for those extra bits of effort your partner has put in. And you will benefit to. A candle lit dinner, words of appreciation, a surprise day out that could be a simple picnic. What about offering to be a caddy when he plays golf? Or cheering her when she plays basketball? Your presence is gold. Too impossible? You'll need to wait until you are on the upside of a depressive cycle'just the time to spring into action! The ideas can be endless. One friend of mine with anxiety plays a game of Monopoly every week. Its what her partner loves to do. It unites them. No phones, no TV, no distractions. After the game he tells her of his appreciation for her patience and also asks her what plans she has for the coming weekend. The proviso with plans is always that you'll be well enough to participate. But you can live your lives with a mental illness together in relative harmony rolling with the waves of disruption far better with empathy from both sides. The "well" partner sacrifices an enormous amount of extra effort to get out of the relationship their own needs Try to supply them what you can to make their life enjoyable. Its part of "loving" Tony WK

Advice / support needed for wife of husband

replies: 3

Hi, I've used this forum a long time ago and found it very helpful. My husband has moderate depression and over the past years it has gotten worse. He also has worsening anxiety. He is ADHD and autistic, extremely well educated and we have two kids who are both autistic, bright and very challenging! We have recently been able to greatly increase the level of support at home which has been fantastic, with an almost full time nanny to support me. He is in the early stages of a PhD and is also facing some physical pain at the moment with the reoccurrence of an old injury so sitting to work is hard. I'm trying to support him by being understanding and offering my high level organisation skills to book appointments etc but he is very resistant to do anything. He continues to propose that all he needs is more time to himself and it will all be fine. I'm beginning to get a bit resentful as I have my own mental health to manage, which is fine but is the result of hard work at improving my health and a lot of personal growth. I am a bit worried for him and for our children. I've mentioned this to the GP and his parents but no one is really doing anything. Together we signed up to a free online course but he hasn't been able to do any of it due to the mental barrier. I really feel he needs medication but the GP says only the psychiatrist can prescribe given he is on ADHD meds. Next appointment over a month away... Any ideas of what I can do to support him? I have spent the past 3+ years just waiting for him to help himself but I can't keep doing this

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Suicidal sister replies: 2

how to help a depressed partner to move forward replies: 2

All I feel now is resentment replies: 1

I’ve got a family member that I’m extremely worried about replies: 1

Homeschooling A Child With A Mental Health Condition replies: 4

Guidance needed replies: 1

Worried about longterm friend with signs of depression replies: 4

Helping Mum replies: 3

Tolerant partners replies: 11

Advice / support needed for wife of husband replies: 3