Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Partner gone off medication, become distant and doesn't love me

replies: 4

My girlfriend of 2 years (living together for 1.5 yrs) has depression and aniexty (i think she may have bpd aswell not diagnosed) she stopped taking her medication just out of no where, this is when she started saying she didnt love me anymore and wanted space, i wasn't sure what to think we were so close and planning a future together. She has gone off her medication before and had the same reaction and the struggles to control her emotions, to the point where she has left a note and been threatening suicide on a few occasions. I have involded her sisters before never her parents as they are both alcoholics and she doent want to be around them especially when she is the way she is. She's told me not to contact her family at all otherwise she'll "end it" not sure if she means suicide or us. I dont want eother of those to happen, but if she needs to be on her own then id rather end our relationship. I have suggested seeing her go or going to therapy because she doesnt want medication as she says she feels numb, but that always turns into her thinking im calling her crazy. I'm so confused what to do i am really struggling. I am reluctant to contzct her sisters about it again. This time is the longest it has gone on, it started around march whcih was around the same time that her house that she owned with her ex had finally settled and she had bought him out. She's bought a bed to stay there as she wanted space. I wasn't okay on the inside but told her i supported her if she wanted space shes now buying a lounge and TV. She has distanced herself from me more and more. She still has all her stuff here and spends time here but shes being here less and less. Not replying to calls or messages and making excuses when she finally does respond. Shes always on her phone messaging which also makes me paranoid about cheating on me. My friend also found her on a matchmaking app. Which i confronted her about and she denied it even though i had been shown it to her. I want to support her as i love her but shes just turned on me out of the blue. I don't know what to do anymore I'm at at the point where its breaking me and i dont know what to do or who to talk to.

one big mental health mess

replies: 2

Hi guys, Im new to all this speaking out and talking about feelings etc, but I guess im just looking for someone who is in the same if not similar situation. I am from the UK im the only one from my family over here, so as u can imagine im all alone despite maybe having a few friends but not my go to ones. I have always been a worrier and developed anxiety and depression in 2017 after my nan died, I was one of her main careers and she passed on my way to the airport for England. This hit me hard and this is when i started showing mental health issues. Anyway fast forward to today......my partner also has mental health issues and has been hospitalised previously, she has been diagnosed with BPD as well as depression and anxiety. Doctors now think she could be autistic. This doesn't bother me as we are both in the healthcare industry and she has a son who has ADHD and autism traits. life is very hectic and due to covid it hasn't been pleasant. I'm struggling to support my partner to meet her needs aswell as trying to keep it together myself. Her meltdowns are very extreme and can become violent to the point where I'm scared to even say anything or do anything that's going to start it off, she also becomes verbally nasty which sets my mental health off. I'm really at a lost end and feel like I cant talk to anyone. I'm also concerned about my mental health deteriorating and I also think that there's more to my mental health as to just anxiety and depression. Anyone else in a similar situation with a partner who has BPD with relationship struggles? How do you do it?

Not sure how to help a friend

replies: 1

My friend has been dealing with depression for a number of years now and I am unsure how to help her without coming across as being pushy or making her feel worse than she already does. She has tried using online resources but did not find them to be helpful, and I am unable to get her to make an appointment with her GP to get a mental health plan, let alone get her to talk to a professional. I have broached the topic of suicide with her as she recently had a break-up and I was concerned that she is having suicidal thoughts. She told me that she is, but I don’t believe her to be in any immediate danger to herself at this stage. She also lives in a different state to me, so I am unable to physically spend time with her to check in on how she is doing. If anyone has any suggestions of how I can help my friend who doesn’t seem to want to help herself, it would be greatly appreciated.

Friend can't promise me he is safe, should I tell his partner?

replies: 2

Hi guys! Please read the whole thing before replying. Facing a moral dilemma: A friend with strong, active suicidal ideation is dreading Monday. He may be sent to prison. He believes that if he is then his life will be over as he will have a criminal record and will never work again. I tried to convince him that SOME people will be willing to hire him, and not just manual labour, but truth be told I know it WILL be tough for him. I think he knows that he is overestimating how bad it will be but at the same time he sort of hates his life right now anyway, so I am not sure he is convinced he has much to live for anyway. He doesn't really talk to anyone but me about his suicidal thoughts. He is secretive, I only found out because I came to stay with him after an attempt at his life. I have a history of suicide attempts & put him at ease and now he talks to me about it. We check in pretty regularly with each other. I am friends with his husband a really LOVELY guy, but he believes that talking about the thoughts makes them worse. Nothing I could say convinced him otherwise. My friend has tried talking to him before, but it doesn't usually go well. I made plans with him on Saturday cause he says he can't really hang out with anyone but his husband, since noone else knows about this situation. Unfortunately his husband has a huge exam on the Sunday. I offered to help make the most of his possible last weekend of freedom. He said he would try his best not to kill himself before then. After Saturday I will probably check in with him on Sunday but it's getting to that point where I feel like I really have to consider going against his will to keep him safe. He lives with his husband and I could easily tell him that I am worried that he will do something. But I really don't want to betray my friend's trust. Right now I am the only one he can talk to about suicide, and I just don't want to isolate him further. My friend will probably never call a service like lifeline, he doesn't want to be safe, he WANTS to die. But I am considering on Saturday telling his husband. I am worried that it will put strain on the marriage as his husband is likely to resent my friend for having this issue right when he has this big exam. I know it sounds cruel but their relationship is complicated. What would you do in this situation?

Don't know what to do anymore

replies: 2

Hello. I'm new to this and am looking for help. My son has been suffering from depression for many years now and despite all the treatment options we have explored- G.P., psychologist, psychiatrist, anti depressants, anti psychotics, ECT, ...you name it, nothing has helped. I suggest he has treatment resistant depression. He has previously attempted suicide 3 times. He is currently at an all time low and is saying he has had enough and just wants to switch off.. permanently. I have been fighting for him and with him to keep him alive but feel I am losing the battle. I don't know what to do anymore. Would appreciate any help that you have to offer.

Best friend with bpd and depression just attempted suicide twice

replies: 2

I guess this is the correct place to post this. My best friend (19f) has been diagnosed with BPD and depression for a long time, has been hospitalised before but it was before we reconnected and got so close. She has a history of self harm and is a dangerous mix of anorexic and bolemic when shes at her lowest. Unbeknownst to me on tuesday night after having a very normal conversation she attempted to take her own life, was hospitalised and released to go back home. She told me 2 days later after going AWOL she was hospitalised but I didnt fully comprehend why, she said she was ok and if anything I was glad she was still here. A couple hours later she then attempted her life again and is now locked in a hospital psych ward. On sunday night we spoke about me struggling to see the point and needing to start working towards getting better which I have neglected for too long which is entirely true. I just hope to god I havnt been the catalyst for this with talk of hopelessness and loneliness. I think I might be in shock because I feel no different to any other normal day. My best friend has tried to leave this world twice in the span of 2 days and Im not feeling anything. Im going to work to be as strong for her as possible and id like any tips on trying to be constructive or helpful when im drawing blanks trying to find anything to say. I just really want her to feel like shes not alone but I dont know how to do that for a person who is talking to me like they have really given up living. Thanks in advance. You will probably be seeing me around the forums a bit in the future.

Partner ended our relationship and I’m terrified he will commit suicide

replies: 2

My partner has severe depression and anxiety, and most likely bipolar that we’ve been fighting for months now to be diagnosed. Over the past 4 years he has isolated himself from everyone he knows. He doesn’t leave the house anymore. I’m only 27 and I’ve been caring for him for a long time. He has even isolated himself at home and hides in the garage. He stays up all night and sleeps through the day. He hasn’t worked for about 7 months. We see a GP and psychologist, but it’s not helping. We’ve had several referrals for more help but no long term plan has been put in place. He has been suicidal previously and is currently in a desperation. He has decided to end our relationship. I also believe it’s inevitable that this was going to happen, however I am so scared that he’s isolating himself to the point that he feels he can go through with suicide. We have no family near us, but I have let them know what’s going on and they are ready to help when needed. But I feel like I have sole responsibility for his safety. We’ve been together for 9 years. He plans to move to another city by himself and this scares me because he can’t be alone. I’m currently working from home because of his situation. At the moment he isn’t in acute need of urgent care, but I’m scared he’s making plans even though he tells me he isn’t. We are still living together while we both sort out where we go from here. Is there anything else I can do to ensure his safety? I’ve told his GP about the situation too.

Emotional toll and guilt over looking after a depressed friend

replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am reaching out for support or to hear from anyone who has been in the same situation. I have had to recently set strong boundaries with a depressed friend because her behaviour had become very toxic and she has not spoken to me again. I am okay with not having her in my life, I prefer it actually. But I feel so guilty for not being there for someone. When we met several years ago, I was very anxious, insecure and a people pleaser. I offered her constant support for years and years but the more I gave the more she wanted. If I was busy or going through my own stuff, she was polite but seemed to get distant and never offered support. She seemed to ask if I was okay sometimes just as a way to talk about all her own issues. She was mean to everyone but me. The minute they set boundaries or disagreed with her or made a tiny mistake she would say to me how unfair they were and cut them off or start arguments with them. Over things like someone not saying sorry when passing her in the hallway. Her arguments made me feel sick - she would send me screenshots of her bringing up peoples vulnerabilities to make them break down and give in to her and was proud that she won. I never told her I thought this was wrong because I was afraid. I was afraid to speak my mind in case I did something wrong and that happened to me. She would also make very entitled remarks and if anyone in her life brought up their mental health she would say behind their backs to me "they should be nicer to me, it's not that hard, I can be nice despite all I am going through... which is way more than them!!" It was always a competition. She thought that everyone was jealous of her too and that people were trying to imitate her and wanted to be her and she would complain about it. Basically I had to cut her off after several years because her messages started to make me feel like i was going to have a panick attack when I saw her name pop up on my phone. Last week I decided to tell her how I felt. She hasnt contacted me since after saying sorry and that it wasnt her intention to hurt me. I feel guilty for letting her go knowing she is in a bad headspace and has depression. I feel so bad knowing she has not many other people in her life because she pushes them away when they are honest with her or disagree with her. We had things in common and she didnt criticize me directly but I didnt feel safe. How do you move past the guilt and feeling like you are a bad person?

Supporting a coworker

replies: 7

Hi everyone, I am after advice for supporting a coworker who is currently suffering from depression. It stems from work issues where the manger has recently misdirected issues and blamed them for them. This has resulted in them being placed on a personal improvement plan and since this they have spiralled into what seems to be a deep depression. Do you think it is reasonable to request the PIP is temporairly put on hold due to mental health? Do you think I can request this for them?

Blast from the past

replies: 5

Hi all, I recently experienced a blast from the past when an old work colleague messaged me out of the blue for the first time in five years. When we worked together we would occasionally make small talk, however he suddenly started messaging me every day, replying within minutes of me messaging him back and he would always keep the conversation going or be the first to start a new conversation. I soon found out he has depression and for the past couple of months has been working hard to recover and only now is opening up about how he is feeling. He never mentioned this to me, I discovered this upon reading multiple posts on social media which received a lot of support from his friends and family. After talking for a week I mentioned my boyfriend in conversation to which he was rather apologetic about not realised I had a partner and was worried he had made it awkward. I explained it was okay to chat and I was glad he reached out. He also had previously mentioned us catching up however cancelled on me the day of our plans. Since then, I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. Normally I would take this as an indicator that he was looking for more, however he hasn't seen or talking to me in years. I am writing this as I would like some advice on how best to approach the situation. I would like to reach out to him to see how he is going, however I find the whole situation bizarre as I haven't been in his life for so long. I don't understand why he contacted me and was persistent in chatting - at the time I thought he might be lonely and could be looking for a friend but on social media he seems really popular. Also he went cold after hearing I have a boyfriend, but he never gave the impression he was flirting with me. I am happy to be his friend and want to help him how I can, I am just left feeling confused. Is it common to reach out to people from your past when you are on a journey of recovery? Should I make contact or just leave it? All advice welcome.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Partner gone off medication, become distant and doesn't love me replies: 4

one big mental health mess replies: 2

Not sure how to help a friend replies: 1

Friend can't promise me he is safe, should I tell his partner? replies: 2

Don't know what to do anymore replies: 2

Best friend with bpd and depression just attempted suicide twice replies: 2

Partner ended our relationship and I’m terrified he will commit suicide replies: 2

Emotional toll and guilt over looking after a depressed friend replies: 1

Supporting a coworker replies: 7

Blast from the past replies: 5