Help.... just found out my partner has BPD

[Jase1544]

he started to accuse me of looking at women in public to the point she would get so angry and cause a scene. This has happened many times, at my 5 year old nieces birthday party and another time she accused me of having the hots for my cousin. Its been intense and constant. We cannot go anywhere and have a good time without something triggering her.
I have a 5 year old daughter to my ex wife. Whilst my partner has always been nice and kind to my daughter I feel there is animosity and jealousy towards my daughter , she seems to look for things to pick about behaviour or things my daughter may say. .. and there's the ex wife... my partner refused to meet my ex wife for a long time and has caused me great stress every time have to communicate with my daughters mum. She will listen to the conversation and make up crazy scenarios about us still loving each other and wanting to get back together... its completely ridiculous, she will even open my mail and go through my phone in an attempt to find evidence to back up her beliefs. She will look at texts between myself and my daughters mothers and get enraged. The msgs are simply communicating about caring for my daughter.
I honestly feel like she picks and criticises me all the time like everything I do is not good enough or could be better. She has manipulated me into staying by threatening self harm etc. She has even staged a hospital visit in order for me to feel sorry for her. Its been an absolute train wreck where I feel I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't We have fights that turn into yelling and swearing at each other. I often feel like I'm attacked and backed into a corner with no where to go. She then calls me abusive when she instigated the fight and escalated.... i get worried she will take her allegations further in order to play victim.
I have recently got her to go into hospital to get help. She has been diagnosed with BPD and has said she is sorry for everything and that she wants to change.

[Deckt]

Jase1544,

I feel for you. My ex had BPD. Intensely jealous of anyone or anything in my life that wasn't her. She once screamed bloody murder at a woman who touched my arm... that woman was her own mother. All of this was compounded by the fact that she is also an alcoholic.

I'm sure that you want to believe that she is genuine in her apologies and dedication to get help and change. I wanted to believe that too. I want to believe it for you. While she may be genuine, there's a better than fair chance that this is just another tactic. Threats are a tactic. Violence is a tactic. Remorse is a tactic.

I'd strongly recommend that you do a LOT of reading. Walking on Eggshells is good. I hate you, don't leave me is better. If you choose to stay, you have a tough road ahead of you. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's worth it.

Please feel free to check in regardless. I'll be following this thread.