Supporting wife going through severe career struggles

[exponential123]

Hi all,

I have been happily together with my wife for eight years now. Throughout this time, she has been working as a landscape architect and by all accounts, enjoys her work, but not her workplaces. She excelled at university, but since she joined the workplace about ten years ago, she has struggled to thrive in her profession and feel respected by her peers, in spite of receiving a couple of promotions along the way.

Four years ago, we had our eldest daughter. My wife went on parental leave for nine months and returned to work four days a week. By all accounts she was very excited. But almost from the beginning, her treatment was nothing short of overt workplace bullying. She was excluded from social events, critical meetings were booked on her one day off and she was assigned dead end projects with no resourcing or assistance.

Her tenure eventually ended with her employers telling her that she was good for nothing and that they were relegating her to an impertinent role. A mental breakdown ensued. As it went on, she launched (anxiety driven) attacks on myself and my parents and we almost lost our marriage in the process. We went to counselling and learned there wasn't anything really wrong with our relationship; it was our reaction to the people around us that was the problem.

After a year, she found a job in a friendly, collaborative company who were supportive of her desire to work part time. We had our second daughter after she had been there a year, then she had another year off work. Upon her return, things began to deteriorate again. It appears that she has lost the trust of management and for several months now she has spent all night ruminating on her work issues with me all night. I'm always happy to listen, but I am losing too much sleep.

What makes things worse is that her family take great joy in anyone's bad luck. They are competitive and are jealous of our (perceived) success. Her mother and oldest sister constantly stoked the fire during our relationship issues and cut her down with little comments here and there. They guilt her for being a working mum because of their jealousy

For the past four years now, my wife has been getting help for her anxiety. She's a lot better than she was. But the psychs do make her face uncomfortable issues and she has refused further help. I love my wife dearly and really want to support her, but I've run out of things to do and say.

I'm worried she is approaching another breakdown.

What should I do?

[Tay100]

Hi exponential123

Thanks for posting- we know posting to reach out on behalf on someone else we see struggling can be challenging- we appreciate your effort. It is clear you really care for her and your concern for her wellbeing demonstrates that.

Firstly, you have seen psychologists- that's one of the most productive things you can do. If they are pushing her and making her feel uncomfortable, maybe ask her to ask them to try another therapeutic approach that isn't so 'head-on' and confronting. You could seek a second professional opinion also. If you'd like us to guide you with helping her with this, let us know and we can point you in the right direction.

You say you feel another breakdown approaching and that you are struggling to find more things to do that will help. This is common with concerned love ones- you aren't alone in feeling like this. There may be extra pressure on you, as the romantic partner, to there for her the most. If that's the case, please remember to be gentle with yourself. Take time for you- do self-care- we can provide advice here if you like. Share the load and don't be afraid to reach out and get support and advice from trusted people around you who know her and yourself the best. We can chat on this thread more too- we are here to listen. Let us know how she/you are travelling, if you like.

Sending kindness to you both,

Tay100