Wife has serious delusions after mania and refuses medication

Little

My wife came out of a manic phase about a week ago. This was only the second manic phase she has had in our marriage of over twenty years. The previous one was over 15 years ago and for the last 15 years, we've led a relatively normal life, with her free from medication.

This time, she was involuntarily hospitalized, which traumatized her and made her incredibly angry. She blames me indirectly for this. Her previous manic phase came after 7 years of psychiatric treatment for depression. She suffered from strong side-effects during this time and from the medication they gave her for mania and this made her become strongly against western medication of all kinds. She doesn't even take Panadol.

So, this time around, she reluctantly took medication while in hospital but has not taken any since leaving. There is zero chance of me convincing her to do so or convince her that she is ill. In her mind, she is channelling and is on line.

She now does not have mania, but retains very strong delusions that there is an evil organisation out to get her. She believes they are monitoring her flat and around half the city are employed to watch her and trick her, including cleaners and members of the public.

She has zero tendency to self-harm, but she is impossible to live with (we now live apart but see each other daily). Also, it's becoming a problem when she confronts someone sitting next to us in a restaurant in the belief they are a spy sent to watch her. Having said that, she normally leaves when she feels threatened and she isn't a physical threat to anyone. She did leave her flat at 4am this morning to walk the streets because she believed the flat was haunted. She also keeps on throwing her phone away because she thinks she is being tracked.

Forced hospitalization is not an option because that would push her towards self-harm and giving up the will to live. This is one thing she has voiced very clearly. I see our only option at this stage as being me monitoring her while she "rides it out." In her previous manic phase, the delusions eventually disappeared without medication over time, but that was.very tough going

I crash read, 'I am not sick. I don't need help" over the past week, which details how to use LEAP. I've tried this, but am well away from being able to coax her to take medication as a "partner."

Any ideas would be appreciated.

Croix

Dear Little~

I'd like to welcome you here and hope you find it helps you. Your wife is lucky to have a partner with your pacience, care and wisdom.

There are very many people who have serious mental issues but do not believe there is anything wrong. That is the difficulty sadly you face, to try to get the best treatment from an adult who will not have a bar of it

Altohgh you believe your wife is no longer 'manic' it is obvious something is very wrong, with distrust and 'paranoid' thoughts and reactions. Now being at the stage you can no longer live together even though you see each other daily.

You may be right about the downside of hospitalization, though I can speak from expereince it is not all bad. While I realise you think it might make your wife's distrust of the medical profession worse the reason for treatment is to try to get rid of that imbalance in her thoughts. I'm no doctor so dunno what is right.

It made all the difference to a member of my family who was suffering paranoid thoughts.

Although I'm not familiar with LEAP I'm sure the path it sets out is the only one open to you unless you call in a CATT team and try to convince them your wife is incapable of looking after herself.

To listen to her points of view and not argue and point out her beliefs are wrong, even though you know they are, will lower the animosity and need to argue. If she is freighted of someone get up with her and move away from them, even though you know there is not real threat. Instead showing empathy and understanding about what she believes and she is going though. Try to get her over time to see you as someone she can always trust, a friend.

Perhaps if you are lucky enough to reach that position you will be in a better place to suggest therapy.

It is a very stressful time for you, and I'm wondering if you are going it alone or have some form of support, either counceling, or maybe a family member or friend?

If you would like to come back and talk more you will be very welcome, I suspect it may take some time

Croix

Little

I really appreciate your reply Croix.

Yes, as you said, I probably should have taken the lead in taking her elsewhere to eat when the people sat down.

Today is the first day that I haven't seen her. I can see from our bank records that she has checked into a hotel, probably because she thinks the flat is being monitored.

At least I can call her there. I'm planning on giving her another mobile tomorrow and showing her how to turn it off when she is in fear of being followed instead of simply throwing the phone away.

Thanks again. I appreciate that someone has listened and can understand what we are both going through.

therising

Hi Little

I feel for you so much at such a stressful time. How to manage a situation that feels so out of your control involves so many questions, with the hope of you hitting on the right answer.

I'm wondering about something that may or may not work, which is so far outside the square it's understandably questionable. If the thing she imagines she's channeling is what's leading her to the severe paranoia, I'm wondering whether you can lead her to imagine differently. As I say, it's a seriously outside the square approach. Basically, instead of approaching things from the angle of logic and reason (which she can't relate to right now), could approaching it from her perspective lead her to start to come down toward a more grounded state. Asking her 'How do you think it would feel to be able to channel something that leads you to feel peace instead of stress, calm instead of agitation, something that would lead you to not care about those who you feel can't be trusted?'. If part of the objective is to stop the 'voice' in her head that's making everything worse, could this be one way of doing it? While some may suggest 'Isn't that just swapping one voice for another?', the calmer one she imagines may be easier to deal with in the way of reasoning and further grounding out of this deeply challenging time. Of course, it could backfire. She could end up believing you can't be trusted, given you're trying to change her mind.

If she wants you to believe her, regarding everything she's imagining, you could lead her to imagine you do (believe her). Then it could be about you saying 'If I could channel anything, it definitely wouldn't be what you are. I'd go for something far less stressful, more encouraging and much happier'.

I think that if what's inside the square isn't going to work, sometimes it pays to go outside of it.

Little

Dear the rising, I very much appreciate your idea. I'm keen to give it a go. The problem now is that she is avoiding me. We were supposed to meet this afternoon, as I need a copy of a document of hers to help her do some admin. I waited in the hotel lobby for 1.5hrs and she didn't turn up. I tried to call her room, but she didn't answer and was probably out. She also didn't answer when I just tried calling tonight. I'll try again a little bit later.

I like the idea of asking her to try channelling something that leads to peace. Until recently, she (and I) had come to believe in self-manifestation - along the lines of the law of attraction i.e. you attract an experience that is consistent with the energy or frequency you are at. When her delusions started, I tried reminding her of this. I encouraged her to choose healthy thoughts like gratitude. Again, I could have persisted more.

Nonetheless, I am on board with your idea. Nothing else is working and there is nothing to lose.

Croix

Dear Little~

Giving her a day's space may not be a bad thing, and I'm sure giving another phone that can be switched right off rather than thrown away is an excellent idea. Apart from the expense it may demonstrate you are an understanding friend who takes her seriously.

The only other, rather unpleasant, thing I need to mention is finances. A person who is in fear may well make huge inroads into the cards, bank accounts and loans unless a close watch is kept on these. I'm sorry ot mention this however it is something I've watched happen with unhappy results.

Croix

Little

Thanks Croix. Yes, you quite right. In her previous manic phase, she bought diamonds and some luxury items. Fortunately our finances are quite solid. This time around she said she isn't going to buy expensive items because it would attract the attention of the evil matrix.

I hope the new phone doesn't backfire: she may think I'm part of the organisation trying to track her. So far, I don't think she has collected it or turned it on. I'm also unsure whether to try calling the hotel again. She may take this as me spying on her. I'll give it a go anyway.

Croix

Dear Little~

It is difficult for you and hard to know which way to go, with the phone I'd suggest she keep it in a Faraday bag, if of good quality these stop all traces and can be bought reasonably cheaply from reputable security or key places. If she buys it herself it may give her more confidence. Of course the Telco places messages and calls in a queue until the bag is opened. The phone simply cannot be traced by a good quality bag, cheap ones may leak..

Sorry to say I'd not rely upon her word not to spend excessively, family experience has tought me that some ideas involve getting all the money out of an institution.

Trying to channel her thoughts, when you finally catch up with here, may be productive, I do hope so. My own experience is agreeing and seemingly taking seriously her fantasies does help and lead to more reliance.

Croix

Little

Thanks Croix and the Rising again for your time and care.

It's getting more serious now:

- I just found out from having seen her last night, that on the previous night, she went downstairs of her hotel to smoke. Then, she won't explain exactly what happened, but I understand that she wasn't happy that she could see security cameras near her, so she may have tried to cover them somehow. Then, she was stopped by security guards and/or the police. Following that she said she was somehow tricked into being taken to a far away suburb, where they left her and she had to take a tram back to the hotel after waiting in the cold for almost an hour.

- Having returned to the hotel, she decided.layer that day that it wasn't safe there and walked to another hotel where they called me to meet her (last night). She then asked me to check her into the new hotel. She didn't check out of the first hotel (she was supposed to stay one more night), so I am going to call them today to explain the situation and to hopefully collect her belongings, including the new phone that she didn't turn on.

- Her behaviour with others in public is becoming more problematic. When she sat down for a drink with me in the bar of the new hotel, she upturned a bowl of nuts and the flower on the table. She would also occasionally direct angry speech at a lady seated at a nearby table.

- While I was out to buy my wife smokes, the hotel manager called me and told me that my wife had thrown a napkin at a member of staff. The manager said if this behaviour continues they would force her to leave. When I ask my wife gently to temper her behaviour, she immediately becomes angry at me.

As I said earlier, I won't force my wife to go to involuntary hospitalization again because of her previous reaction and because it's the only thing that makes her want to self-harm and give up.

However, she could well get into serious harm if she goes walking in the early hours of the morning again and she could potentially get herself arrested when she is in public. Having said that, I can see she is conscious of drawing a line. Whenever she swears at someone, she generally immediately apologies to de-escalate the situation or leaves. So, so far, it hasn't gone that extra step where someone will call the police. Actually, I think even the police find her too troublesome but not dangerous enough to do more, from several interactions she has had with them.

She wants to leave Australia because she believes that changing countries will change her to a more preferred timeline. She just doesn't want to travel in June because it is a bad month for her in terms of Feng Shui. She is also waiting for a new passport to arrive.

A mutual friend (actually originally my wife's good friend) advised me to proceed with separating-divorcing and to protect my own finances. He said there is nothing I can really do to help her and I shouldn't feel guilty.

There's a logic there, but of course I am worried about her well-being. If she really travels in her condition she will be at a greater risk than in Australia and we may never hear from her again. I can at least monitor her here, but any time spent with her now is driving me crazy.

For the time-being, I am super-busy selling our main property, seeing a lawyer and an accountant...

therising

Hi Little

I couldn't help but wonder whether her mind was opened by something to imagine (like the manifesting) and her imagination led her way off track to a whole other reality that feels completely 100% real. The brain/mind is definitely complex. When you consider hypnosis and the power of suggestion, a hypnotist relies on being able to open a person's mind. Not sure what it is that puts the brakes on what we can imagine. For example, we can easily imagine we're being tracked online, based on it being common knowledge, but something stops us from imagining we're being tracked all the time, everywhere by everyone. So, we choose to imagine we're not being tacked to this degree, based on reason. Some people are in a mind state where they have no choice but to imagine. How to manage a fully open mind is a challenge. Perhaps it's about the suggestions we make while it's open.

I hope you're making progress and have made contact with her at this stage.