Trying to help my wife suffering with anxiety and depression but struggling in my own head

[Tim91]

My wife has been suffering with anxiety and depression for a few years now on and off. I also occasionally suffer with depression. She has been really struggling this last two weeks and I am trying my hardest to support her. I am doing everything I can think of but feel like I'm just not achieving anything. All the time while this is happening i feel like I am falling deeper into a pit of my own. I feel lonely and sad i have literally just sat on the sofa for 2 hours crying on my own while she is asleep. I'm trying to be strong for her but don't know what I can do. We have moved to this country together and so dont have any family or any friends to help us through.

[Ggrand]

Hello Tim,

Welcome to Beyond Blue Forums, you will meet lots of caring, kind and non judgmental people who are here to offer their support to help you.

Im sorry you are struggling so hard, I can feel your pain and sadness in your written words..

Its so hard to help someone you love with Mental Health Issues when you yourself are in the grips of depression.

Its really hard, to do this on your own..In my opinion it would be nearly impossible to heal yourself and your wife without professional help..Tim I'm concerned about the stress this is putting on you, you need to be well to be able to help your wife.. You need to look after you as well as helping your wife..

I tried to get myself well on my own and I couldn't, I decided to make a long appointment with my gp, then I explained how I was feeling and she listened, gave me some meds, then put me onto a Mental Health care plan and referred me to professionals, who have help me on my healing..I'm wondering if this would be something that you and your wife could do together...Please I think it's very important for your health as well as your wife's to seek out professional help..

Tim, there are a lot of threads here on the forums with helpful suggestions and ideas on depression and anxiety, please feel free to look around the forums on different threads..

This is your thread now, talk anytime you feel upmtomit..I'm certain more wonderful people will pop in and have a chat to you soon.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Grandy.

[animatali]

Hi Tim. It was a while ago that you wrote your post. How are you coping? It’s really hard, I know as I’m struggling to cope with my husbands depression. I too find myself in tears, wondering how to keep it all together. I do one day at a time. I try to do something nice for myself every day. Often just a simple thing like a cup of tea and a book for half an hr. Or a walk or my favourite tv program. Hang on in there Tim. Let me know how you are travelling.

[Oliphant]

I’m in a very similar situation, other than I’m fortunate in having family support. Here’s a few things I’ve found help me.

Get professional help. Seriously. It’s been the single biggest help to me & I really can’t recommend it enough.

Remind yourself you’re no pushover. Let yourself fall apart for a bit, then tell yourself to take a spoonful of concrete. Yeah that sounds daft. Giving yourself a short break from being hard as nails helps but for me - I’m an adult & a parent. It’s my purpose to look after my family & that, for me, means not allowing myself to become a basket case. It’s a damn close thing sometimes, I’ll admit. I’ve had a few conversations with the Reaper.

It sounds like you’re fairly new to your location. Get out there & join some social stuff, even church. Making new friends will help fill the void in your support network. I realise that’s old advice & maybe a bit corny, but as someone who’s moved a lot, I can vouch for it.