should i leave my wife?

Astro · ‎01-12-2014

I know from the subject line that this is not as simple as yes or no. I have been married for seven years and I have a pretty amazing life with my wife. I have suffered with anxiety and depression and I can't say I am all better but I have come far and no longer feel any real issues regarding anxiety and depression, not like I used to. Since we have been married my wife has been put on medication for depression and anxiety yet both of us are pretty good. The reason I'm thinking I should perhaps leave her is because she is doing so well but could be so much better if I wasn't still holding her back. The life lessons and maturation I missed out on during my worst days are only now beginning to be learned and rather slowly still. My wife has given up on having hopes and dreams and I want her to have a chance at the life she always wanted. I am beginning to think I may not ever be able to give it to her. I am no kind of provider, I am a great listener, great friend and I love her so much but I know I inadvertently take her for granted and it is easy to forget all she has done for me and all the support she has shown. She has helped me so much and letting her go might be the only way I can give her what she wants except that I know in a perfect world we would both like for her to have those things and also have me along with it. I don't want to reach another seven years from now and find that we are still scraping by and she is still supporting me and not supporting herself and getting the things she wants out of life. I can't tell if I'm thinking generously and intelligently or not. I know it is not what I want to keep her in this place in life and there is no way I can honestly say I will ever get any better at living, working, providing etc...i would love to hear thoughts on this from people who have been in similar places or from anyone really. I'm a little torn up on it right now. I can't decide either way and can't tell if it is my selfish desire to be with her that makes me want to stick it out or if I am right to think, if I truly love her, set her free.

CrashCoyote · ‎02-12-2014

Hi Astro,

Thank you for your post.

I don't want to disappoint you but you are asking the wrong people for the answer. The person you need to ask is your wife. If you ask her does she want "out" but she chooses to stay "in" then you have not only set her free but she has returned.

It sounds from your post that you clearly love her deeply and I suspect she feels the same for you. Ask the question. Accept the answer. Act accordingly.

Kind regards, John.

white knight · ‎02-12-2014

Hi Astro

I agree with John.

I also think you have a serious self esteem issue that could be remedied somewhat by seeking the right help. So see your GP specifically for this treatment. It can only help your situation because it is a positive thing to do.

Take care Tony WK

geoff · ‎03-12-2014

dear Astro, I have to go along with John and Tony and agree totally with them.

You are only assuming that 'she could be so much better if I wasn't still holding her back', maybe if you leave she will become worse, because at the moment 'she is doing so well'.

Marriage requires input from both of you, so I think you should stay, however you have to ask yourself 'do you want to be there to help her, sorry. Geoff.

CrashCoyote · ‎02-03-2015

Hi Astro,

I am just wondering how you are going since you posted?

Kind regards, John.