New to this... How do I help him?

[concerned33]

My long term boyfriend has recently started to suffer from severe anxiety. Previously he was always the calm and rational person in the relationship but now he is really suffering.

Most of the time now he shuts himself in the bathroom in the dark and sits in the bath tub for hours because it's the only thing that makes him feel "normal".

I'm deeply concerned for him, he's started taking time of work because he can't face the day and when he does go to work, he ends up spending the rest of the evening in the bath. 

I managed to convince him to see a doctor about it and he's been given medication now which will hopefully help. 

I know that this is really difficult for him but I'm really struggling with it too. I don't know what to do, I have no idea how to help him with this and it's making me feel completely helpless.

Are there some fundamental do's and dont's that anyone could share with me? I could really use some advice from people who live with a partner who has severe anxiety.

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[Chris_B]

Hi concerned33,

Welcome to the forums. Start by having a look through the related threads above, there are many people who have been and are going through this right now and should be able to offer some insights.  Please feel free to contribute to these threads.

It can be difficult to know what to say or do when a partner is unwell, and it's very common to feel terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing. It's great that you care enough to be coming here and asking questions - please hang in there.

Below is a link to a beyondblue resource for partners which should have some helpful information:

 

And here is a video from one of our clinical advisers that may also provide some tips:

[Doolhof]

Hi Concerned33,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and the Community here. I hope you have managed to look at some of the threads that Christopher has suggested to you. There are certainly a few people suffering from anxiety or wanting to know how to help others who are.

I suffer from stress and depression. Some times my husband will state that he doesn't know what to do to help me when I am suffering. I tell him that sometimes I just need to know that he cares. Or I will ask him to take me out for a drive somewhere if that is possible at the time.

I love the beach and feel very relaxed there. It is almost a two hours drive away from us, and sometimes my husband says it is too far and is a waste of petrol just to drive there for an hour or so. When he says that it doesn't really help much at all.

Try to listen to your boyfriend and as much as you can act upon his requests if he makes them.

Like depression, people suffering from anxiety can feel it in many different ways. What works for one person may not work so well for someone else.

Before the anxiety really took a hold, what did your boyfriend like to do? Can you encourage him to participate in some of his interests?

While he is in the bath do you join him in the room? Could you try playing music with a cheerful beat and sound to it, play songs he likes so he can maybe sing along to them, read him poetry so his mind is thinking of something different.

Some sort of distraction might help him.

I may be on the wrong track here, I am just trying to think of different things you could try.

Look after yourself in all of this as well. Use the phone help lines like here at Beyond Blue and Life Line if you need to get some help and advice on what to do. I have used the webchat that is available here at Beyond Blue as well and found that to be helpful.

I hope some of this helps! Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools