Need help with my girlfriend

[Rebound]

Hello to you all,

I really need your help. I have read a lot about depression here on forum and in different books, but I still need some advice. My girlfriend is suffering from depression because of many things that happened to her before in life: she had a car accident when she was 10 and suffered big shock and amnesia, she still doesnt remember anything about that day and a couple days after that. Next, her grandfather tried to kill her dad and on another ocassion her. Then, her dad cheated on her mum, and was verbally abusing the family for about a year. Before that he was like a perfect father, and than he just snapped or something. He did say he was sorry and her mum forgave him and they did make up, but of course nothing is not the same as it was. She does not want to admit it, but he was like an idol to her, and all that hurt her very much. Not to mention that there were a couple of guys before that also hurt her badly. So, it really is not a wonder that she has problems with trust and opening to other people on a deeper level.
She has been taking some antidepressives that do calm her down, but she sleeps a lot and has trouble concentrating on studying. Because of that, she has problems in college, which is another disappointment for her. She really gives her all but fails over and over which is destroying her. 
She is pulling away from me and has episodes of not walking to talk. She already broke up two times, but then she comes back. I know that is because of her illness but I am hurting when she just shuts down emotionally and says that she is not sure that she loves me anymore. She often says she does not know what to do anymore, that she just wants to go from this world. She did try suicide once when she was younger, I do not think that she will do it now. 
I love her so much and really want to help her, I just sometimes feel so tired of everything and react badly. Whatever I say negative to her, her response is often find yourself another girl if you are not happy with me. She really is a wonderfull person and that is why I am still here for her. I am just lost and do not know what to do anymore. At this point, it is not that important to me to be together in a relationship, I just want to help her get better. 

Thank you for your answers, really appreciate it.

[AGrace]

Hi Rebound,

I'm wondering, despite the antidepressants, what other form of treatment your girlfriend is receiving? Is she under the care of a Psychologist or Psychiatrist? Has she received a proper diagnosis from a Psychiatrist?

I'm not equipped to diagnose her, and I definitely don't want to jump to any conclusions, but it does sound like your girlfriend might be dealing with more than just depression. I too thought that I had depression and anxiety for years. I eventually saw a Psychiatrist as I was far from coping and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD sounds very scary but it is manageable with the right care. You might like to take a look at the borderlinesupport website where there is a lot of information about the disorder as well as the treatment options. Even if she doesn't have BPD, it is said that all of us at some stage in our life will experience one or more of the 9 traits of the illness so the treatment (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) could still be a worthwhile therapy to consider.

In terms of her education I think all that you can do is be as supportive as you can be. Has she considered the idea of taking a break from college in order to focus on her recovery?

It sounds like you really love her unconditionally, so continue to be there for her. If she does identify with some of the traits of BPD then it is reasonable to expect that due to fear of abandonment we tend to push people away and then pull them in ever so tightly. Our relationship skills tend to be a little off because we haven't necessarily had the most appropriate modelling from our external environment.

I do hope this helps.

AGrace