Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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What is she really thinking?

replies: 2

My mother have been suffering from anxiety for a very long time, me and my stepfather don't know what to do anymore. On topic wtih the heading, my mother love money and my stepfather being a property invevstor before (he enlist the help from TIC) introduce property investing to my mother, she love it. However, here's the real concern, she believes in hard work to earn money (that's alright, although that I don't; I believe in the right side of the Cashflow Quadrant) rather than investing. Also, when she is having an anxiety attack, she do or plan all sort of thing to stabotage the investment, the investment for her own future good and she want to destroy it. Why? What's exactly going on in her head? (e.g. moving money around to mess up the offset account) Becasue when we ask her did she have faith in property investment (while she is calm and sane) and she said yes. We also keep trying to explain the idea of using other people money as opposed to paying everything out of your own pocket, but she doesn't get it, such as, she keeps insisting that she is paying her own money towards the investment houses, in reality it is the rents and the tax department paying for it, also we are getting tax deduction becasue of the good debt we had, but she doesn't see them. What can we do to try to help her or least understand what is really going on? not sure if this will help, but here's a little bit of information about me, my stepfather and famity history I have Asperger and my stepfather is kind but something stupid, we are also suspect that there are NPD and Stockhome Syndrom in my mother famity side.

I Just want to Love and Support Him

replies: 2

I was dating the man of my dreams for 9months and I've always known he gets depressed which, for him, means a switch gets flicked and he goes emotionally cold & cruel & manipulative to the people closest to him to push them away. It has lasted anywhere from months to years. We both love each other deeply. We've shared genuine trust, intimacy and joy. I've accepted the consequences of staying with him. I've experienced this kind of treatment in a long term relationship, when I was younger. I know am strong enough to endure and I know I'm strong enough to leave if I need to. He tried med's(no good), some meditations, counselling. Even tried a couple of meditations in between episodes to be ready for the next time. But, I don't think he's found what works. Last weekend, the switch was flicked. He tried to fight it for a few days, privately. But he couldn't & now he's left me to save me from all the pain. He claimed he was numb but I don't think he was. There were a few things he did & said which showed me he still cared. I wept and begged him to let me support him. I said I'd accepted the risks of being with him, that I love all of him, not just when he's happy. I said that this is how we see how strong we can be together. He said he doesn't deserve me and that he'd try to hurt me to push me away. Then, the guilt of doing that to the woman who loves him would make him feel worse. Eventually, we agreed to be in touch in 6mths, regardless of what we had to say... it's over/try again/need more time....But he doesn't want to hear from me at all until then (unless my contact details change). I told him to contact me anytime he wants to, that I'll always want him to, even if he thinks he shouldn't. I'm SO scared of how bad this could get, so sad that he wants to be alone and scared that he won't want to try again with me, even if he wants to, for my sake. I'm tempted to get in touch in 1-2 months to see how he is, Not to talk about us. Some people say its important to know that people care about you, even if you won't let them help. But, if he sees that I'm holding on, will he feel guilty and become more depressed? If I break our agreement, will he get mad or will he secretly want me to? He used to say that family checks on him cause they have to. But if I check on him, he knows its cause I care. So many questions...I need advice... please help.

Is there anything I can do?

replies: 1

Husband of 30 years with depression managed with meds recently made redundant at 57, says happy to be early retired but now depressive. I always feel it is my fault. Not speaking , moody, can't even say have you had a good day. So mean to me sometimes. Was physically threatened once though he doesn't remember it. If this is retirement do I have the rest of my life to look forward to this? He sees a psychologist every two weeks and is on meds. Can't talk, he turns everything against me (super intelligent). Most I can say is hello. Every comment, such as any news is met with antagonism.Is this it for the rest of our lives? Just want to cry and make it all go away. Bringing me so down. I am the one working and supporting him, yet he is so mean to me. History of withdrawal. Kids' birthdays I managed myself while he withdrew to the bedroom.

I knew he was depressed when I fell in love with him... Sometimes the going gets tough. Any advice?

replies: 2

When I met my husband he was just a guy and I was in a relationship with another. When we got to know each other, I found him reckless, a bad influence, a loose canon. He just didn't care about life or anyone... or himself. We bonded over our experiences with depression. His life has been genuinely complicated since childhood ( death, drama, relationships, substance abuse). Mine was more genetic and situational (history + trigger). I am taking anti-depressants that work. He has tried them all..... He medicates himself with alcohol and weed, but they are only a brain-numbing experience, not a treatment. The down times are the worst. He is a shift worker, so being sleep deprived and lacking regular contact bugs him, as does everything in general on his bad days... The negativity is infective and I have no idea how to support him without shouting him down.... Is there anyone who has some advice from a similar situation? PS sedatives seem to work on him but his past and prolonged history prevent easy access, and he is negative to everything including counselling and drug therapy (says he's tried them all). It's hard, I feel like he's looking for an excuse to not feel better but I KNOW that he should and could. I am with this man until the wheels fall off because he is my best friend and helped me through my darkest time. Any advice?

I don't know how to help!

replies: 4

Last weekend my partner slipped into a major depression cycle. This week has been exceptionally tough on him and me as he has not stopped crying for 4 days. BeyondBlue provided me with a contact for the Mental Health Centre and we have had some counselling over the phone and I was able to get him to the Dr's yesterday, with a counselling session set for Monday night. This morning he was woken and still started crying. He is very embarrassed, concerned how his work colleagues will react to him, feels humiliated and worthless. I have tried to provide a shoulder and listened to him. I explained that today he will feel very tired as he had a big day yesterday meeting with the Dr for the first time and he has had a tiring week so being tired is expected (i don't know if the is correct but seemed to calm him). My work has been supportive and allowed me to work from home prior two days as I could not leave him alone due to his mental state. He had talked about ending it all during one of his crying phases. I am really concerned that he simply cannot stop feeling so sad. I have never seem him like this and it is tearing me apart not being able to help. I don't know how to help with his feeling of shame about it all. I think no less of him now and have told him this and have always used the words "we will do this together" etc. I feel like I am rambling a bit but I needed to be able to put this into words. Dr's said they don't think it is depression, but provide anti depressants anyway and referral to Counsellor for Monday. I am just not sure what else I can do across the weekend to support him until the counselling session on Monday. I would appreciate any advice that may help us great through the weekend. I am very tired myself with long nights of being up holding him and listening. I am not sure what else to do. Thanks Dean

My girlfriend is depressed and I need help.

replies: 1

First of all, I will let all of you know that I was aware of the fact that my girlfriend was depressed before we met for a first time, so the fact that she is is not anything new. My girlfriend is 20, I am 22. She studies in a university and I live with her. We''ve been dating for 9 months now, and ever since I moved in things became harder. Our latest problem was the fact that I had to go back home for 2 weeks for my own education, and she is not able to take care of herself too well. But since I have been constantly using my messenger as a *emergancy* things actually turned out to be better then we could hope for. Untill right now. She planned the day for us, got me all kinds of surprises like taking me out and she wanted to treat me to flowers and chocolate (how sweet right?) But since my train was going to be there at 18:30 and I have no possible way of comming earlier her plans are ruined. - She was upset. Accident or not.. she told me everything she planned to do, since it was not possible anymore to do anything (in her believes) she did not care about it being a surprise or not. - I got upset. I told her I was, this was the first surprise in 9 months she had for me and just because she did not expect my train to be late everything was ruined. I can not deal with the fact that just a small let-down allows her to throw it all away! It could have been so nice to come back and just get flowers as a surprise, but now... nothing. What do I do?? Is this me being a prick for getting upset? Or should I really think again and tell her I am sorry (at the moment I am not willing). I thank everyone that reads this for taking their time and for the ones that reply I also thank you for your effort. SIMILAR THREADS My girlfriend has depression, dealing with it I don't know how to help my girlfriend Girlfriend support Girlfriend with depression has left me Please help me understand what my girlfriend is feeling If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

Need help with my girlfriend

replies: 1

Hello to you all,I really need your help. I have read a lot about depression here on forum and in different books, but I still need some advice. My girlfriend is suffering from depression because of many things that happened to her before in life: she had a car accident when she was 10 and suffered big shock and amnesia, she still doesnt remember anything about that day and a couple days after that. Next, her grandfather tried to kill her dad and on another ocassion her. Then, her dad cheated on her mum, and was verbally abusing the family for about a year. Before that he was like a perfect father, and than he just snapped or something. He did say he was sorry and her mum forgave him and they did make up, but of course nothing is not the same as it was. She does not want to admit it, but he was like an idol to her, and all that hurt her very much. Not to mention that there were a couple of guys before that also hurt her badly. So, it really is not a wonder that she has problems with trust and opening to other people on a deeper level.She has been taking some antidepressives that do calm her down, but she sleeps a lot and has trouble concentrating on studying. Because of that, she has problems in college, which is another disappointment for her. She really gives her all but fails over and over which is destroying her. She is pulling away from me and has episodes of not walking to talk. She already broke up two times, but then she comes back. I know that is because of her illness but I am hurting when she just shuts down emotionally and says that she is not sure that she loves me anymore. She often says she does not know what to do anymore, that she just wants to go from this world. She did try suicide once when she was younger, I do not think that she will do it now. I love her so much and really want to help her, I just sometimes feel so tired of everything and react badly. Whatever I say negative to her, her response is often find yourself another girl if you are not happy with me. She really is a wonderfull person and that is why I am still here for her. I am just lost and do not know what to do anymore. At this point, it is not that important to me to be together in a relationship, I just want to help her get better. Thank you for your answers, really appreciate it.

My 13 year old high functioning Aspergers nephew is saying he's hearing voices

replies: 2

He's highly intelligent and he's been through a great deal of family strife, we have bipolar, boarder-line personalities and other mental issues rife all through our generations.He's already in counselling which is making him worse, he seems to be learning the behaviours better instead of healing , plus he's on two medications. His father is uncaring and his mother is a very fragile but functioning bi-polar. I now have him at my house and I literally am afraid to sleep with him in the house,I cant stand this.

i dont know what to do?

replies: 1

my husband has been recently diagnosed with depression but has been suffering for approx 9 months previous. He constantly tells me he loves me and cant live without me but doesn't feel an emotional connection to me or our children. He is scared that he will never get back to his old self and will end up hurting me and the kids. He doesn't enjoy life. he tells me that he doesn't know if is in love with me and only loves me as a friend. This is killing me. I am an emotional wreck but i am trying so hard not to be upset and a crying mess in front of him cos it only adds to his burden. how do i deal with the man i love telling me he may no longer love me ? i cant stop crying and am stressing out all of the time.

Confused an hurt

replies: 3

My partner walked out on myself an toddler six months ago after treatment an him out of control an tryin to commit suicide he finally got help an we started to build our life aagain two weeks ago he left saying he didn't love me but was fine loving and aring right up until the day before he left constantly telling me he loved me Now he's left he won't talk to me he's totally wiped me he won't see our daughter hasn't asked about her I told him I want to sell the house but we won't talk to me He has two kids from a relationship before an he spent all weekend with them hes constantly sleeping an moody an snappy his family is telling me How do I no if he has fallen out of love or if its depression he had been good before he went down

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

What is she really thinking? replies: 2

I Just want to Love and Support Him replies: 2

Is there anything I can do? replies: 1

I knew he was depressed when I fell in love with him... Sometimes the going gets tough. Any advice? replies: 2

I don't know how to help! replies: 4

My girlfriend is depressed and I need help. replies: 1

Need help with my girlfriend replies: 1

My 13 year old high functioning Aspergers nephew is saying he's hearing voices replies: 2

i dont know what to do? replies: 1

Confused an hurt replies: 3