Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Dealing with a partner with undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder

replies: 2

Hi guys and gals, I've been reading through the forum for the past couple of months and have found many helpful life tips for living with a partner with mental health issues, however now I'm at a roadblock that I can't seem to understand. My partner and I have been together for almost four years, she has a number of issues including arthritis, narcolepsy, OCD, depression and anxiety. Things between us were great for the first year and a half but now the love I once felt is dissipating. Now we fight constantly (mostly due to the narcolepsy meds) and arguments are daily. During which, she will use anything she can, taken out of context and twisted, to verbally assault me with. It only takes a single comment to turn her demeanour from happy (quite rare these days) to downright nasty, and it lasts sometimes for hours, more often days. So I try not to say anything that could produce this result and I can't stand it. The strangest thing is that most of the arguments are on the phone, but when we meet face to face it is as though the fight never happened, at all. Issues are never resolved and I'm left feeling lost & confused. It is as though my partner is two completely different people. I have asked her more times than I can count to see her psych but she refuses every time with a lame excuse. Now she wants to marry me and have kids, which I'm not prepared to do (especially as she broke up with me over the phone three times in the last two weeks, yeah, tact is the word) until she sorts herself out and at least starts to try and fix the issues, I've had enough of trying to make things work, I just can't do it any more. She tells me that I'm her last chance of having children (she is in her mid 30's) and if I break up with her then I am the one who screwed up her chance of ever having kids. I've lost most of my friends since we've been together as she never allows visitors to the house (even my family is yet to see where I live), I feel like she is controlling and is completely unable to understand how I feel and how she is making me feel. I just don't know what to do any more. I can't marry someone who I wouldn't trust with my kids; and I can't marry someone simply because it will make them feel better and make me resent her for the rest of our 'married' life. Marriage and kids are not a magic solution to depression, nothing good can come from it.

Helping depressed Mum and feeling down.

replies: 2

Hi everyone, This is my first time on BeyondBlue. I have been feeling quite down lately, and thought I would open myself to getting help and advice from friends in this community. Im unsure of the exact area in my life that I've been unhappy with aNd why I've felt so anxious and down lately. I have been taking care of my mum who's been really depressed, and on anti-depressants by her psychiatrist and has been getting better. It's been a tough couple of months taking care of her myself, but instead of feeling entirely happy/relieved that she's feeling better... I feel trapped and unexcited by ideas that I could be living with a her for the longest time. I love my mum more than anything in this world, and feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way... But as she has no friends or family, I am always holding off things to be by her side because I don't want her to be lonely. And of course, I enjoy her company also, she is the sweetest person ever.However, In turn... I feel incredibly lonely now. Who's there for me ? I've become unmotivated at work, and had taken leave for a week to do nothing at home all day, my friends and relatives are all too busy or seem to be enjoying themselves without my company, and I'm becoming more and more uninterested or not very excited by anything...I feel incredibly weird right now, as that's the best word I can describe it. a mix of guilt, anger, sadness, loneliness and bottled up emotions of wanting to let loose are consuming me. i would love to hear from anyone. thanks,James

I want to help

replies: 5

Hello everyone. I've been reading through some of the other posts and you all seem so supportive of each other. I'll try to keep this as concise as possible. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years now. We were planning on moving in together mid dec. This has been planned since early September. 2 weeks ago he has told me that he feel anxious and didn't want to move in because he could feel like it wouldn't work out. It was a bit of a shock but I've said I'd support him despite how hurt I was. After this he went of a 2 day bender drinking alone and turning off his phone. I was really worried that he had done something. Since then he's opened up to a few more people talking about his problems which it appears his anxiety and depression is mainly stemming from money. On Thursday night he came over to talk and tried to break up with me. He said his heart wasn't in etc. He said he still loved me and cared about me. But he wasn't sure if he was going to get better. He is refusing still to either talk to a gp/counsellor. And I'm at a loss. When I question him on things he gets angry and verbally aggressive or just completely shut down. He keeps changing his mind to if he can see me in his future. I really love him and I know that this isn't him. But I'm at a loss as to what to do. Sorry for the long post.

Lost

replies: 5

Today I took the brave step and logged onto the beyond blue website, and realised I am not alone! my husband who I love dearly has been battling depression for the last year. He is supposed to take medication but this is a hit and miss. He has recently stopped taking this as he feels it's making him tired and he can't function. He hates work, he has no energy to fight, why fight when you are only going to get knocked down. He has no passion for life! He recently told me how he had worked the train system out, at the time he told me he was in a good frame of mind, but now I worry about this. We have 2 beautiful children that worry about there dad, I feel like I am over compensating in love for them from the both of us! I feel so drained and just don't know what to do. He won't take his medication, he won't talk to anybody, he shuts himself up in the room... Please help me!

Pet Therapy

replies: 5

Hey everyone! My daughter is travelling so much better. After yet another disappointing appointment with authorities, we were talking about a friends horses. This friend and I use the term loosely had moved away about 6 months ago and left her horses in the care of her 18 year old daughter. We decided to have a look at them. We were shocked and disgusted at the state of these 4 horses. We are in a drought here and to say they were walking(just) skeletons would be an understatement. We cried and cried together and then decided to help them. Little bits of food until they could cope with food, then we have been feeding for 3 weeks. My daughter is paying to feed them with her meager pay.. the comment on the worse of the horses was that he was old and dying anyway. so after getting advice on whether he could be saved, we approached them about making him ours. He is now ours. We couldn't see the others starve while he recovered enough to be moved so we still feed all of them. As much as this was a sad situation, the change in my daughter is incredible. Not only is she conscientious about them but also taking her meds. Having someone else ( horses have souls) to worry about and take responsibility for has made a huge improvement. She interacts not only with the horse but with us. I have my girl back. will this last forever - Maybe not but having the Love back is great. What will happen when he does die, I don't know. However she can be confident that she has done her best to give him a good life. this was something that we talked about before we took on the responsibility. those days when she can't get up? A gentle reminder that she has a helpless horse that is relying on her gets her up. she is also now starting to interact with her friends again. Realising that they were there for her and those that weren't are out of the picture. Can I recommend this to everyone? No because it may not be an option. I have to be ready to take on the role if she goes down again, which I am sure she will. But I can see the light starting to peek through and so can she!

My husband won't seek help...

replies: 1

I have been with my husband for 10yrs, married for 2.He has always been a pretty happy carefree person. We have a 14month old son and in the last 12months my husband seems to have been in a downward spiral. It's a long story about what situation we're in but the short of it is that in the last 12 months he has been having massive mood swings, getting angry over the slightest things such as leaving a coffee mug out, sleeping all the time, not being able to wake him and when I do he says and does things that hedoesn't remember doing later.He doesn't have a job as he's meant to be looking after our son, but he justseems to be working in his shed all the time and staying out there til the early hours of the morning. He's constantly yelling at me and when anything doesn't go his way he can' t cope. He has migraines all the time and he's been sicker in the last year then in the whole 9 before it. He doesn't seem to want to spend any time with me anymore and he doesn't see much of his friends and family either.we have been going to counselling together for the lady few months but he's even defensive with the counsellor and doesn't seem to tell her the whole truth. He has times when he gets so upset he becomes irrational like changing the locks on the house so I couldn't get in until I talked to him and agreed with what he wanted....i'm pretty sure I still love him but he's beginning to not resemble the man I married and I'm not sure how much more of this I can cope with.he's adamant there's nothing wrong with him & that he doesn't want to see anyone. I did get him to go to the doctor once when he slept for nearly 3 days but when the doctor referred him for blood tests he never went. i'm struggling to cope with living in a house where I feel like I'm treading on egg shells and scared of setting him off but he's hinted that if I ask for a break he won't ever come back.... I don't want him to leave if there's a chance we could get what we had back.today he told me that he was so unhappy that the only thing stopping him from killing himself was our son. But yet he still doesn't want to seek help.i cry every day as now I'm the one who's unhappy and I feel sad for what our life has become but how do you get someone to seek help if they don't want it?beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Husband has agreed to see a psychiatrist but won't get a referral

replies: 6

Hi. My husband had a heart attack last year at age 29 and has suffered from depression over the last year. This has affected him not working for bouts of 3 months, not talking to his friends and family for weeks at a time when he is depressed. He has now agreed to see a psychiatrist to get medicated but refuses to see a GP to get the referral. I rang the specialist rooms and they won't see him without a referral. The GP won't give him a referral without seeing him and his cardiologist wouldn't give him a referral. Does anyone have any suggestions?

How to convince someone to see a psychiatrist?

replies: 1

I know this has been well addressed in Google, but it is very not helpful to our situation. Like how we already knows the reason that why my mother refused to seek help becasue she think that we are the mad one. She the mad one becasue she the one who is screaming tiraid to nonsenses. Other known issues with my mother: Confusing someone with another one: She keep thinking that my stepfather is stealing from her, but in reality it is her sisters who are stealing from her, sort of in a way that those people who take a generous person for granted. Her first sign of having an anxiety attack is when she becomes very unresponsive, is this anxiety of something more serious? Her anxiety periods last longer and longer, even small thing or some delusional thinking can now can set her off. Have a tuimor in her brain (regrown but not large enough to take a sugery yet) She think that my everyone are plotting against her. How should I convince my mother to seek help?

At a loss

replies: 5

My husband has suffered depression basically as long as I've known him but it became really bad after we had our first daughter almost 7 years ago. He's had ups and downs, but more downs than ups. After trying various antidepressants which only made things worse, he relies only on marijuana now and honestly he is nicer to be around when he's using it. Today though for the first time ever, he said that he doesn't see the point in living. He said that everyone hates him and that the only people that would be sad to see him go are myself and our two children. I am of course very upset hearing this and have told him that he needs to talk to a professional. He's never been open to the idea of going to any professionals because they cost money, which is something that we struggle with and unfortunately don't qualify for any concessions due to my income being just high enough to be considered too much for assistance, but low enough that we are struggling to keep our heads above water. This all adds to his stress and depression, so to add the cost of seeing a professional so he can get the help he needs is difficult to convince him to spend. I am finding it harder and harder to live with him but fear that leaving will only make things even worse.He's also currently obsessed with proving that all the world governments are corrupt and that world powers are out to get us all. He rants and raves to everyone he sees about it which makes people like him even less. He is an all or nothing kind of person so either he'll over share his opinion or he'll literally clam up and not talk at all.I don't know what to do any more.

My fiancé has depression

replies: 2

Hi there, my partner has depression. He can cope ok on the outside, but sometimes he shuts down. When he does he's very depressed and down. He is very self conscious and unhappy with the direction he is heading in life. I want to support him but its been 5 years now and we are getting married in a few months. I would hope he can try and get help before I wedding or at least understand he needs help. He has had a very I tense life. I fee like like a counsellor could help. He thinks he can deal with it in his own head. But I think that's the issue. its so draining not knowing how he will be when I get home. And I feel like depression fills the house. How can he go and get help. I want him to be happy because I know he wants to be As well. I feel selfish because I know it is hard for him also. Thank you

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Dealing with a partner with undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder replies: 2

Helping depressed Mum and feeling down. replies: 2

I want to help replies: 5

Lost replies: 5

Pet Therapy replies: 5

My husband won't seek help... replies: 1

Husband has agreed to see a psychiatrist but won't get a referral replies: 6

How to convince someone to see a psychiatrist? replies: 1

At a loss replies: 5

My fiancé has depression replies: 2