I need to seek advice about my daughter's depression

[Sazz]

I don't know if there is any help for people who are dealing with a loved ones depression. I don't know what to do now or how to handle the situation. It's not only depression; the person I'm trying to help is phoning/messaging their ex more than 50 times a day and leaving messages at their work etc. I've considered ringing their psychiatrist but don't want to cause problems in case I'm overreacting. The trouble is when you're dealing with this you get used to the behaviour and become blasé about some of the abnormal things that are going on until someone else comes along and says that we need to intervene; that the behaviour is completely irrational and crazy.

Where can I get some advice? Would I go to a psychologist myself?

[white knight]

Hi Sazz, welcome to beyond Blue forums

Well IMO it depends on how close you are to this person. If you are a partner to this person then you have indeed a marital type issue but how you have worded this post I think you are not partners.

Contacting their psychiatrist is not the way to go. It would demean the sufferer if he/she found out. Persons with mental illness are not people others should run to their medical carer when things are perceived as "crazy" or unusual. 

Others might have a different view and that is fine. We often have different views on this forum. But I would distance myself a little. Being mentally ill doesnt mean you lose your freedom to do things "normal" people do. If such actions cause harm to others then the law should take its course like any other situation.

Tony WK

[Sazz]

Thanks Tony

 This person is my child in their late 20's, the behaviour does affect others in as such they are messaging and harassing the other person and other people in the ex's life. I feel there is an obsession with the ex, with lots of lying and manipulation via email/msg to try and gain contact with them. Also grief, anxiety and loss are other emotions over the breakup, although the depression started before the relationship even ended. Volatile behaviour, no motivation, irrational thinking, feeling that everyone is against them. It's so upsetting and I just don't know what to do.

[Chris_B]

Hi Sazz,

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like you're at a bit of a loss as to how to bring this up with your daughter. You might want to check out our Have The Conversation resources - this page of our website gives you some suggested phrases and ways into difficult conversations like this.

Below are some videos featuring parents who have been through the same thing:

How to have the conversation

What to say

What to do

[geoff]

dear Sazz, it seems as though this situation is very complicated, and even if you wanted to do something it may still not be helpful.

If you contact the psychiatrist then you are going behind their back and I don't think that this would be appreciated, so you will lose trust and respect.

These videos from our manager Christopher are a great way on how to explain what has happened to other people. Geoff.

[Steve1861]

Hi Sazz. My wife and I are in a similar situation here. Our Son is 19 and is suffering from depression also. Breaking up with his ex and run ins with her family put an extreme amount of stress on us as parents. I had had enough and told him so, any more hassles about his ex and her family, stop contact all together or he is on his own. We just could not cope with all the hassles. At that point we didn't know about of lot of his feelings as he kept to himself a lot. So first we went to our GP and spoke to him about everything and he suggested we also seek some help by seeing a Phsycologist. We did this to look for some help and answers on best ways to try and help and destress our household. Our first visit helped a lot and this site is a great help to. Not all advice may work, but you will find that little piece that does reach out. We have a long way to go with our son, but we have seen a more outward trend with him now and only hope it goes forward from there. The first thing we had to do is make him aware on just how much his actions are affecting the whole family. I don't even think he considered anybody else and now he does. If she is under your roof still you have certain rights and rules set regardless of the age. Hope you get some help as we hope to here and chat to other parents who have dealt with a child with depression. Cheers Stephen

[Sazz]

Thank you for the videos "Christopher Banks" very helpful.

Geoff I understand what you're saying about talking to the psych, as it would seem like a betrayal but if they're not telling the full story, how do you get to the bottom of it all and help them? The situation isn't good and she is not getting out of bed, has no job and no purpose. It's heartbreaking!

Stephen it's not easy, our daughter isn't living with us however we are paying her rent and expenses at the moment but don't know how long we can continue. Today i went to the GP for a referral to a psychologist for myself just so I can try to deal with it all and maybe help her to get better. I don't know what else to do. I take meals over, try and talk, clean up but it isn't helping her emotionally but half the time she tells me to get out and is angry at me. I know it's the illness so it doesn't upset me, what upsets me is how much she is suffering.