Husband potentially has Depression but won't acknowledge it

[Smoods]

Hi all

12months ago my Hubby lost 2 close family members in quick succession during this period he started showing signs of the blues. Like not sleeping loss of appetite and feeling lost at work he would often wake during the night thinking of work and in the morning as he was getting ready would start dry reaching and making himself sick at the thought of going. (I should mention we are both in high stress jobs) He went to see a doctor because he noticed things weren't right with himself. He was given sleeping pills and was refered to a psychologist. He went to like 2 or 3 appointments and decided that it was a waste of money. 5 months ago we had our first child together he was off work with me for the first 3 months during that time he gained a fair bit of weight. Things were stressful with the baby as she had bad colic and reflux. After he returned to work it seemed like things were fine but just recently I've in the last month or so I have noticed changes in his attitude he no longer seems to be happy about things and in the last week has started dry reaching before work again. His daily routine consists of getting up going to work for 12-14 hours then coming home and sitting in front of the telly playing on his iPad till he's tired enough for bed. I have spoken to him about this and he just keeps telling me he's fine and not to worry. Could this be because he's feeling helpless as he's been through all this before and clearly the last lot of treatment didn't work?he is showing many of the signs of being depressed, he's irritable, not sleeping, not eating right, sleeping with heaps or not at all, stressed out  and has severe back pain. Can anyone give me any ideas of what I should do to encourage him to get help? I want the man I married back. 😞
 

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[Pixie15]

Hi Smoods,

Grieving can be a difficult process. Sometimes it can lead to depression. There is a Kubler-Ross book "On Grief and Grieving" which is quite good at explaining about grief. If your partner has a high stress job, stress of a new child and loss of 2 family members in a short period of time this is a lot of stress.

The first anniversary of a loss can be a particularly difficult. It might be a good idea to try to get your husband back to see his doctor again. Some people benefit from therapy others anti-depressants or a combination of both. His doctor is the best person to talk to about this.

Grateful.

[geoff]

dear Smoods, I want to welcome you to this site and thank you for posting your rather concerning comment about your husband's depression.

Grateful is right when she says 'some people benefit from therapy others anti-depressants or a combination of both', and from has happened in the last 12 months, it would be a good idea for him to try and talk to someone else, preferably a psychologist, because he has to be able to click with this person, or rather have confidence in telling them what has happened.

Congratulations on having your baby, but we all know that this can increase someone's depression if they are predisposed to it and from what it seems his work is very heavy to cope with, and I don't mean that he isn't capable of doing it, it's just that one thing leads to another and then snowballs into getting depression.

At the moment he's not so much in denial but refusing to get any help, but really there's not much difference between the two.

I can't see that he is taking any antidepressants (AD) unless I have missed it, but it would be good for him to start taking them, because there isn't any way he can overcome any of this by himself, because he's tried once before and now it's returned.

I do tend to believe that he will refuse to take them, and I also believe that it won't be easy to get him to his doctor, but he's not the first, as others have felt this way but have succumbed eventually which has been good for them.

Are you able to use your personality to get him to go with you and the baby to see your doctor and once there mention this to start the conversation, and when he may dismiss the idea, just tell to sit down and please talk to your doctor.

Fingers crossed but please let us know how you are going whenever you feel disheartened, and I hope that bubs does improve. L Geoff. x