Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Is depression a life sentence?

replies: 6

My husband has been living with depression for many years however I wasn't privy to this prior to marrying him 2 years ago. He lost his mother and then found out he was infertile. These things combined has really affected him. I've been keeping a diary and he seems to be currently fine for 3 weeks and then down again which can last from 1-2 days through to currently at 10. During this time, I try hard to understand it's depression, however it always ends up with really awful arguments. I've tried time after time to get him to see a doctor, counseling or talk to other people, however he is constantly telling me he can deal with it. He's tried medication before (before we met) and that made him feel zombie like. He constantly tells me I do not understand depression and tells me I don't want too..... I have all the literature from BB and have read so many posts however I just feel helpless. He tells me it will be with him forever. However, I was under the impression it doesn't have to always be with you. As he won't try medication or counseling I feel like it's never going to get any better. If you always do what you've always done, you always get what you've always got - am I right? I feel like I am losing my patience, my ability to not react is much weaker and my anger and frustration raises so much faster. I just want my husband back. I want him to do as much as he can to help himself get better. If you have any help or advice I'd welcome it. Frustrated, Anxious, Stressed, Helpless - are all words to describe how I feel about his situation.

What to do?

replies: 5

My partner and I have been together for almost 2 years. He was upfront about him having bipolar and explained a lot to me. He has been medicated for over 7 years and it works. I have always seen him in through his up's and downs(and they were not fun) when they decided to change his medication a year ago, but, now he is quite depressed. More depressed than I have ever seen before.We have cancelled holidays and outings because he just can't be bothered or doesn't care. He has always been diligent about seeing his psych, being medicated and been on top of his diet/ exercise (as most people with bipolar know, this has a big effect on your moods) but now it's like there is nothing. He won't talk to his psych, barely talks to me and gets "hot headed" over the smallest of issues. We have a bit of financial stress where I am searching for a job and he is in a job he hates but pays well (not the company or his boss, just the fact he is in a position he has done for 10years) We are best friends and talk about everything, but now I feel like I am a complete stranger living in the same house. I have always encouraged healthy eating and exercise everyday but it is now getting harder and harder to be motivated for the both of us.I feel my health has taken a dive and I am trying to get it back on track. I want to continue to help but I feel like I have been talking to a brick wall for a month. It is getting harder and harder to be on the same page and is draining my energy as well. I don't want to end our relationship because I love him more than words can say, but I can feel myself drift away from wanting to be by his side.Help, anyone?

My Narcissist Son

replies: 1

Well, since I left my son alone for awhile he is now inviting me and husband over for dinner. This is the only way I can see my granddaughter. His house, his rules, his plans. I guess I have to accept it for what it is. I just miss spending time with my granddaughter by myself. I have made up my mind to be civil, but not to put up with anymore abuse from him. He thrives on putting me down and making me feel less than. Anyway, I hope all goes well. Every time I am around him I am walking on eggshells, never knowing what to say or when to say it. We will see how it goes tomorrow night

Being Strong for a partner who only sees Hate, Anger and see me as the enemy.

replies: 10

I am hoping to see if anyone can assist me is to how to cope with my current situation. My partner suffers severe anxiety and depression. I do my best to be there and support him but nothing i do seem to be enough and always get blamed for his emotional stresses. I try with all my might to be there to be supportive and meet his needs and try not to upset him. My problem is that the harder I try it is still not enough. I get abused verbally and sometime physically. Blamed and accused of being dishonest and at times being accused of things i know i could never do. He will cause the biggest argument over petty things. Possessive, territorial and very manipulative. I want to help my partner as i believe that he isn't who is it and that this sickness have consumed him so much . I love him with all my heart but he is hurting and sometimes i think he does it intentionally to drag me down with him. Our relationship have always been up and down and has been ongoing for the last 5 years. I am well aware that it is not healthy but you can't help who you love. Our separation is due to his insecurities and the lies, cheats and being disloyal. He blames his condition but are not willing to do anything about it. He continues to come back and says he loves me and he wants me to be there to help him. I do this in hoping that he will pursue to seek help and i will be there with him. He will initiate at start but after 1-2 session he becomes aggressive and not follow through. Despite all the faults and the pain i endure i still stick by him because i believe he can move past this. In most recent event. He have decided to go through my phone and have questioned me about a friend that I am mutually connected with and would consider a best friend. I shared my concern and was seeking support. My partner took offence of the situation and saw me betraying him and that I'm cheating which was not the case. due to this, he became extremely angry and hateful to a point that he moved out and he sees nothing but negative. I love this man so much and I am willing to do anything to help him recover from this. But he cannot be reasoned with and he sees me as an enemy rather a partner who is trying to give him the support. He is so consumed by it all that even though I am trying to be there... I end up being the one that takes all the heat and be blamed for all of it. Can anyone here relate and are able to help?

How do I cope with the possibility that my new partner may become severely depressed someday?

replies: 7

Hi, I am not exactly sure where to start, but this is one of the only places I could find online for the partners, family, etc. of those whosuffer from depression. I recently started dating somebody whosuffers from depression. She started medication a few months ago and it has been going well. One thing she's noticed is that while the day-to-day hopelessness and despair are gone, she feels everything more intensely than she used to. So the highs are good, and the day to day is good, but worries that if something happens and she swings into a low it will be more than she can handle. She is afraid of hitting a wall when something that life throws at her causes her to snap - that she won't be able to handle it and will be lured in by the dark force of distressing thoughts. Has anybody else experienced this? That is my first questions. The second part is that I am quickly falling in love with her. We have very open discussions about her depression and mental health, which I really value. I am not going to run away from her depression, or her, just because it may cause me worry. Itseems that I've hit a point where I'm like okay, if I am going to love her and be with her, then I need to figure out how to live without worrying in a debilitating manner about becoming severely depressed. I can handle the depression, getting her out of bed to get food in her body, and many of the other tough parts about being with somebody with depression. I know this. I just don't know how to handle the possibility that someday she may not be able to cope anymore. The thought of it nauseates and devastates me now, and I can't imagine what it would do to me if we continue down this road and end up being together for many years.

losing touch

replies: 2

I have been dating my partner for 4 years. I was aware from the start that she suffered from anxiety & depression but didn't understand the magnitude of this ugly beast. She takes medication & has regular visit's to doctors. The medication she takes helps her to sleep & control her moods. Side affects overeating lack of labido & always tired.Her medication seems to be severely affected when having even just a few drinks. She has great difficulty getting to work on a regular basis & it putting a huge strain on us financially & in our relationship. What makes it so hard is she is smart beautiful & so much potential but won't or can't seem to put the effort in to give herself every chance of a happy life. I know this a demon we will probably have to manage & live with for.test of our lives but I am running out of it's okay's & don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated !

Really don't know what to do, need some advice please.

replies: 4

I've been with my partner for just over two years and we've had our ups and downs. He's always known i struggle with mental health, depression and anxiety but we've always just dealt with it, i see a psychologist and havent taken meds since January, i've been improving. The problem, is that my partner now is the one really struggling with depression. Looking back over the last 10-12 months, it has been progressively getting worse and it's really affected our relationship. He is not the talking type, refuses to talk to me and just doesn't have the skills to do it. I've finally managed to get him to realise he's not himself and hasn't been for a long time and has seen the GP and been given meds. He's only been taking them for two weeks so i realise they haven't had time to start working properly.I'm struggling because he continues to do things tohurt me. It's little stuff every day like being inconsiderate, thoughtless, snappy, withdrawing, and generally behaving very uncaring, unloving towards me and is unable to support me or show me any love when i need it myself. I have been continually showing him love, support, understanding, patience, encouragement and reassurance but it's never enough. He'll have a good few days here and there which raises my hope but then he'll suddenly go down hill again. It's now at a stage where he doesn't seem to care at all about anything, including me and our relationship. I've told him he's breaking my heart and he just doesn't seem to care. He's finally told me he feels like a robot and is struggling to feel anything. I've realised i've been personalising everything he's been doing, feeling like it's me, he doesn't love me any more and he doesn't care about me. Which is and has been particularly hurtful.I'm at a loss as to what to do. I feel like we need a break for him to get his head straight, figure out what he really wants, give the meds time to work, but he has no where to go and i'm worried it will make him go further down hill. I understand he's in the grips of depression and isn't simply choosing to be uncaring etc, but i'm really hurting and am fed up! I know i need to take care of myself, and my children, and try and make life as normal as possible for them, but this is consuming me, the hurt, the anxiety, the pain, i can't focus on anything else and i really don' t know what to do. He needs help, but he can't communicate and is afraid of doctors. I love him to bits, i'm lost.

He doesn't love me anymore

replies: 11

I have been with my husband for 7years. Married for just a year. Both 32. i knew before I married him that he had mental health issues before but I thought he had hold of them. He didn't. We had huge problems at the beginning of the year, especially when he drank and finally he said he would go and see the doctor about it all. Months passes and it wasn't until we were in Fiji for a wedding and celebrate our 1 year he told me that he doesn't love me anymore, and really hasn't loved me since June. I'm devastated. We get back and after many tears he finally goes to the GP. She diagnoses him with PTSD (from a big incident 15years ago) and anxiety. He is now on medication, only for less than 2 weeks now. But he's talking about ending our marriage. he wants to move out, permanently. We've been sleeping in separate beds for 3 weeks now, he doesn't touch me or kiss me. I have convinced him to give it a month to really get the drugs working, and to start seeing a psychologist (there was a big wait time) but I just feel deflated and so heart broken! My husband doesn't love me. i am trying to be positive and think that it's just "the fog" talking it's not him, but he's given up. Totally. He doesn't want to try. Will this get better?? Am I an idiot to think he can change his mind and come back to me? I meant my wedding vows - good times and bad, but how can I be the only one fighting for our marriage?? i feel so lost and alone.

What do i do

replies: 4

I have been dating a wonderful woman for the past three to four months and everything couldn't have been better until two weeks ago when she told me that she couldn't give me what i wanted in a relationship right now, but says its not over baby i love you and always will. We still have been talking every night on the phone and texting all the time. She always sends me songs via text through youtube with lyrics, all the songs are about love and how much someone loves the other. She also texts me saying she loves me and always will and im the best thing that has come into her life and i deserve better and sends me "goodnight baby sweetest dreams for you, i'm always thinking about you, i love you" texts every night. i have not seen her for two weeks and she finally admitted that she is depressed and is in a dark place at the moment. I tell her i want to help but she refuses and texted me saying she has shut everyone out. She also drinks every night. I really love this woman, i have not met anyone that has brought the best out in me. could someone please give me some advice how to help her? <>

Supporting my mum

replies: 2

Hi, I am an only child and have been trying to support my mum who has really bad depression she was sexually abused by her grandfather when she was young and her parents are alcoholics who hardly see her she hates herself and constantly tells me this she takes anti depressants but has not been taking them for the last few months and has reached rock bottom yet again, she also takes pain relief tablets constantly. everytime she is like this she tells me she wants to end her life and I dont ever know what to say or do to help her? can anyone suggest anything? she says speaking to a counsellor doesn't help because it brings back everything that happened to her as a child. is it wrong for me to think she can't be helped and she should just do what she needs to do?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Is depression a life sentence? replies: 6

What to do? replies: 5

My Narcissist Son replies: 1

Being Strong for a partner who only sees Hate, Anger and see me as the enemy. replies: 10

How do I cope with the possibility that my new partner may become severely depressed someday? replies: 7

losing touch replies: 2

Really don't know what to do, need some advice please. replies: 4

He doesn't love me anymore replies: 11

What do i do replies: 4

Supporting my mum replies: 2