Don't know how to help

[wishiknewhowtohelp]

Hi everyone. I have just joined this forum in hope that I will gain some sort of understanding of how depression and anxiety works. My partner of 1 year and a half, has been dealing with depression and anxiety for the past 7 years of his life. He hasn't wanted to receive any form of treatment during this time. In the past few months I have seen his mental health spiral downwards, and turning more and more to alcohol to escape all of this. He struggles to talk to me about his feelings, therefore leaves me confused, hurt and feeling helpless. He made it very clear this weekend past he did not want me around so I drove home, fearing that he would do something serious to hurt himself. I later received a call from his mother that he was at her house very distraught and drunk. For the past two nights he has been residing at his parents house and says he is not ready to talk because he is a very fragile state. I am giving him as much space as he needs, and I love him dearly. I just don't know what to do. I feel so helpless and am worried that I will say the wrong thing and make things worse.

[AGrace]

Hi Wishiknewhowtophelp, (That's a long one)

Welcome.

I can understand you must be feeling really helpless right now. I think it's a positive thing that you are giving your husband some space. I hope the fact that her is still at his mother's house gives you comfort that at least he is still being cared for.

Usually there is no right or wrong thing to say. Sometimes we think we're saying the right thing and it still blows up in our face. I think the key thing is to say something. Communication is really important, but at the moment time has a higher priority. When he eventually decides he's ready to talk then you can think about some strategies to put in place.

I understand, and can hear from your post that you love him dearly. I do however think that it might be worthwhile to consider some of your expectations in him coming back home. If he is not willing to seek help, you may find yourselves back in a similar situation again. So perhaps use the time to get some support for you.

There's a lot of resources on beyondblue's website for carers of a loved one with mental illness. You could also visit the nami website. You might also like to have a look at some of the other relevant threads in the forums, you can find these by entering the titles into the search function (top RHS of page).

TIPS FOR CARING FOR A LOVED ONE  (by AGrace)

Need advice to cope with depressed partner  (by Wit's End)

New to this - learning how get him through  (by norascat)

How to deal with a depressed partner?  (by kittiek)

You might also like to consider seeing your GP as well. Your GP would be a good person to understand what you are going through, and may be able to suggest some counselling, support groups, or even Psychology sessions, for you and your partner. We also want to encourage you to keep posting here too. Chatting with others who have a shared experience can also be really beneficial.

AGrace