My partner has left me and I know it's his anxiety/depression. Please help!

[JaneFl]

Hi. I’m new to the forum and just really looking for somewhere to offload and for some advice.
my fiancée and I have been together for 6 years. We are due to get married this year (delayed once due to COVID). In 2018, he started to suffer with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. He never received medication but had counselling and got much better.

We old our house in September 2020. He started a new job in Saudi Arabia in August, and we’ve only seen each other for 3 weeks since then when he came home before Christmas as a surprise. We are used to long distance from his previous job.

About a week after he got back to Saudi, he told me his anxiety was playing up and he wasn’t feeling great. I know he’s stressed about the house, about when we will see each other again because of COVID etc. He was always messaging me telling me he loved me, missed me, will do anything he can to get home in April so we can get married. Then over the Christmas break he went really withdrawn, barely messaging me back, never calling or anything. I asked him why and he told me I was annoying him and to leave him alone.

It’s been two weeks since then and we’ve had small episodes of contact in between. Mostly him telling me he loves me, wants me to be happy but doesn’t know if he can make me happy, that I deserve better, and worst of all, that he doesn’t know what he wants. He said he’s struggling out there with it being a new world. I’ve tried to leave him but felt so in limbo over the last two weeks that I had to message him last night to say please tell me what’s going on.

he said he couldn’t talk, that he “can’t do it his head isn’t in the right place”, but perhaps selfishly I said I need to speak to you on the phone as we’ve only spoken over text since this happened. He was really nasty to me on the phone, it felt like he was saying anything he could to hurt me to push me away. That he wasn’t happy, we’re just a habit, and we've grown apart. That the Last two weeks have been the best ever since not speaking to me. He said I need you to leave me alone I’m not happy in my head I love you more than anything. I tried to tell him it’s your anxiety/depression, but he said he’s not depressed, despite saying his head is all over the place.

I sent him a nice message saying I know you’re pushing me away and trying to hurt me to get me to leave, but I won’t. Now I know I need to leave him alone. I am heartbroken. My gut tells me this isn’t him at all and it’s not over.

[sunnyl20]

Hi JaneFl,

Welcome to the forums. Apologies that it has taken a bit of time for someone to get back to you! Sometimes posts can get a bit lost amongst others, it is nothing personal.

I am really sorry to hear about what has been happening for you. I cannot imagine the anguish and heartbreak that you are experiencing. It sounds like things have been very difficult, especially for the past couple of weeks. I don't think it was selfish of you to want to speak to him on the phone, you obviously care for him a lot and wanted to hear his voice and know that he is there and safe. But it sounds like he does want to be alone at the moment, and pushing against that may not be the best thing right now? Do you think him having some space and a bit of time may allow him to think things through? Do you have any family or friends who you feel able to talk to about your concerns? It may really help you to let others in on what has been happening, especially if they know him too. They can be there for you and support you.

Please do not hesitate to reach out again if and when you feel up to it. The forums are here to support you. Take care.