my boyfriend has anxiety & I'm struggling to help him

[Inez]

heyy! I've never posted on here before so I'm a bit nervous opening this up.

Anyway, my boyfriend of one year has been getting progressively worse anxiety. He is terrified of other people meaning something to me and that he loves me more than I love him. we both recently turned 18 & he is terrified about me drinking and going out, even though i'm not the type at all to be irresponsible with that stuff and he 'knows' that. I feel so helpless when he has panic attacks and it is even worse in social settings where we both have to deal with the weight of added expectations from other people. I have learnt patience and listening skills but nothing i say will help him at the time other than giving it time to settle down. He then feels guilt ridden and profusely apologizes and it's just really unpleasant and unfortunate for both of us.

I don't want to miss out on my life or friendships with others because of him but I also want to support him as much as I can and I don't know where to start.

ANY advice would be so much appreciated!

Thankyou

[Zeal]

Hi Inez,

Welcome to the forum 🙂

Your boyfriend would definitely benefit from seeking professional help. Making an appointment with his doctor (GP) for a referral to a psychologist or counsellor is a good plan. A psychologist can help him with his heightened fear and the anxiety attacks. This has the potential to benefit his own life as well as make your relationship more healthy and happy.

There are great resources on this site about anxiety that family, friends and partners can read. It's on the blue menu bar under Supporting someone. There is helpful info on anxiety also in The facts.

Best wishes,

SM

[Cornstarch]

Poor guy.

There are different types of anxiety but his sounds relational. It doesn't sound like his fear of abandonment would be put at ease no matter how much reassurance you give him, he needs to address the emotions that are driving it. I know an 18 year old boy probably doesn't want to talk about, let alone acknowledge emotions but it's best to get them early otherwise these patterns of attachment can fester, and become a perpetual problem into the future.

What sort of expectations do you have from other people while out? Do you mean pressure to be drinking alcohol excessively? Everyone feels useless while watching someone suffer in that way. You just want to dive inside their head and fix it for them.

[Inez]

thankyou so much!

[Inez]

Rather than expectations maybe I should have said that it's not a great look when you spend the entire party in the corner together trying to help him feel comfortable. He doesn't drink but I think that is based on the anxiety and morally also. Thank you for your help, I will have a look 🙂