Just found out my son is struggling with his mental health

[summerain]

After yelling at my son for not cleaning up after a party while we were away, his behaviour went weird, he seemed to not know even where to get the mop from or how to wipe down a bench. I honestly thought he'd taken something. So when I left the house and came back my other son told me to back off and leave him be and as an angry mum and dad we said no, he knew he should have cleaned the house. Then my 21 year old just started crying and saying how he felt that he has never been accepted by us and that he felt we don't connect with him and never have. He was utterly broken and just crying, he revealed he has been seeing a psychologist twice a week for almost 5 months just to deal with the feelings in his head that we don't love him and that he thinks we don't think he is good enough. He is so incredibly wrong though and he is the one who completes my heart. I'm so proud of him and feel so awful that I have not known how he really felt. I also know that he didn't want me, his dad or brother knowing how he was feeling. He's a great young man, holds down a good job, works hard, has a great circle of friends and never been in any trouble. When he comes home from work he often goes straight to his room, and I always believed I was letting him have his privacy as he didn't want to hang out with us. He doesn't like to open up to us and said afterwards he didn't want to tell us what he did. I've also discovered that he had been self-harming. I feel so full of guilt that I could have lost my son the other day when we were yelling at him. I believe had he not of told us, he would've ended his life. I'm so beyond proud that he has had the strength and courage to seek help and so thankful his best mate put him in touch with his psychologist. My husband and I are seeing my gp to see how we can help. My son is still too embarrassed and feeling ashamed so I don't know how to support him when he doesn't want to talk about it. I feel so broken for him.

[Aaronsis]

Hello Summerain

I am so pleased that you have come to get some support here, that you have made an appointment at your GP and that you are doing whatever you can to reconnect with your son, what wonderful caring parents you are, he is so very lucky to have your support. This is not easy and I am sure that it hurts like hell to hear those words from your child's mouth, to have discovered how bad he is feeling and to come to know he is hurting himself.

The first thing I thought about was would you be able to write him a letter, a note, something that he has that captures the way you feel about him, how much you love him all the good things about him. Perhaps not so much about how you are feeling about the self harming or worse or how upset you are to know this, just a really positive letter to tell him of your love for him. I feel like this will act in two ways, the first being that he will see how much you in fact do love him, he has proof, he has a letter, he has it written down. It will also be something he can refer to when he is feeling bad and read over and over again to reassure him that he is so very much loved and needed and wanted in your family and in your heart and in this world.

He is showing up to life everyday, when he is feeling so bad and this is a very brave and wonderful thing, he is showing up to life, good on him , he is trying. It is great to hear he has been seeking the help of a professional too, that is so very encouraging.

There are so many wonderful services, Beyond Blue have a phone service too 1300 22 4636 that you can perhaps access yourself if ever you need some additional support at this time too, just to get a temperature check to make sure that you are ok too.

We are here for you in this really safe and supportive place to comfort you and your family through this really tough time, you are doing everything right and should be feeling very positive about his journey to wellness, as you support him together.

Hugs to you and here to chat anytime you need some support.

AS

[Doolhof]

Hi summerain,

Thanks for sharing your story here. Aaronsis has provided you with some great reflection and ideas.

Adding to what has been written already, maybe you could take your son out to dinner, or maybe to the movies might be better. You can be together yet not have to talk, but if he wants to chat the opportunity is there.

Are there activities that he does enjoy doing? Does he like gaming perhaps? Can you become more interested in what he does do.

Like AS suggested, the best thing right now might be to show your son just how much he does mean to you both.

Beyond Blue have information on how people can assist those suffering from depression and how to look after themselves as well. You may find some suggestions that help.

Maybe print out some of the suggestions and ask your son what might work for him.

It maybe beneficial to consider that what will work one day, might not work so well the next day.

Mental health issues are difficult for all involved to understand at times.

Let your son know you care. Tell him you are there if he wants to talk. Pushing for responses can make a person withdraw further.

Hope you all find some answers and can grow a new relationship and bond.

Cheers from Dools