How to support grieving husband when I am not ok

[Leleina]

Hi all
My husband recently most his mum and since the funeral he has has work to occupy his mind, but we are going on holiday soon and he says he is starting to feel depressed and anxious plus where we are going is my home country where we got married and memories of his mum during our wedding will make him even sadder.

How do I support him? He is too busy at work and I have suggested counselling but he has yet to set an appointment claiming he has too much to do and no time.

I myself am not in a good space. I have my first counselling appointment next Tuesday and will depart soon after. As it is, I feel my needs are compromised looking after three young children full time. I don't want to make it about myself all the time. Sometimes for me, communication is a challenge and I have a lot of insecurities. I don't want to delve into them here. I also feel very tired. I sound so selfish... but what I want to do is to support him without thinking of myself.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Meanwhile will try to read the rest of the threads.

Thank you
Leleina

[Birdy77]

Dear Leleina,

You do not sound selfish at all.

You sound like a caring person who wants to support your husband as best you can while you're not feeling 100% yourself.

That is courage, strength and love, not selfishness.

Going on holiday shortly may be a time that your husband finally can let some of his emotions out.

It probably wont be a completely fun holiday this time around, and letting him know that that is ok may allow him to grieve in a way that he hasn't been able to yet.

Maybe you could say to him "it's alright if this holiday isn't fun ... if you need time alone sometimes to go for a walk and be with your sadness that's ok, just let me know" ... something like that?

He might feel that he needs to be happy and strong for the holiday, especially in front of you and the children.

If you let him know it's ok if he's not happy and strong , and that it's ok for him to be sad, it may take the pressure off him and help him to feel less depressed and anxious.

Meanwhile, it's important for you to take care of yourself.

Hopefully going to your home country will mean that you might have some help with caring for your young children.

You are welcome here and we are listening.

🌻birdy

[Birdy77]

Forgot to say: I *LOVE* your profile picture, she looks like the girls who live in my backyard 😊