Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Supporting my Dad

replies: 3

Hi, my Dad's contract is ending very soon and my Mum doesn't work right now. With the virus going around we aren't sure we can get a source of income. My Dad's taken this pretty badly and his depression has spiked back up again and the house is a bit torn right now. What could I do to help my Dad through this? Any things we could do together or talk about or anything? I am 17 (Male) and my Dad is 47. Any and all help is appreciated and thank you in advance

My Introduction: when anxiety meets depression.

replies: 11

I am British and living in Australia. I met my boyfriend (also British) here, last year. I have struggled with anxiety for many years, at times it is manageable, but other times are very difficult. My boyfriend has been suffering from depression for the past few months. Before we met, he had been suffering for around 3 years, and although there had been periods of a few months here and there without feeling depressed, he has been mostly unhappy for some time. I think that the excitement of moving countries, and meeting someone new, alleviated his symptoms somewhat, but the underlying issues still remained. After a couple of months of shutting off and refusing to open up, (other than to say he didn't feel great/felt down) he spoke frankly to me last week, explaining that he felt completely helpless, and didn't see the point in anything any more. He told me he felt like he was just watching his life happening, but wasn't really there. He also said that he hates himself. I checked in that he had no plans to hurt himself, and he said he wouldn't 'because of his mum'. This is having an impact on me, and on our relationship, and of course this is worsened with me being an anxious person naturally. He has told me he will seek help, and has said that he has sent e-mails seeking out some potential counselling, but I am unsure if this is true, or what exactly is happening with this. He is a funny, loving, caring man, and at times I see glimmers of him without the depression. I love him very much. I do not want to consider breaking up with him at this time, but I also realise that this situation is far from ideal and having an impact on my own mental health. It is not a situation that can last. My own general feelings are hopeful, and I can be positive to an extent, but I am spending an awful lot of time worrying about what will happen with him, and with us, and can we survive this? On every other level we are entirely compatible. I was wondering if anyone else has a relationship with a person with a depression, when they themselves also have some mental health difficulties, such as anxiety/depression? How do you make it work? Can you recommend any routines or ways of communicating that have made things easier? Any advice would be so helpful, or... just a listening ear really. I feel quite lonely.

Please Help, I think my partner is a FIFO worker and depressed and I don’t know what to do?

replies: 3

Hi There, . My partner and I have been together 12 years, we have been together since we were 16/17. We now have a 2 year old little boy and we are a Fly in Fly our family so my partner goes away 2 weeks and home for a week. In about October last year our relationship hit a really difficult spot where communication was poor, needs weren’t being met and my partner prioritised his job over his family which lead to resentment from me. Come November we had hit rock bottom, he wanted the relationship over, said he didn’t want to be with me. I pleaded with him not to give up, try counseling with me and go from there.He agreed and we have had two really productive counselling sessions which all become undone as soon as he flys to work. The last 3 months have looked like, me putting in 100%, acknowledging the wrong things I was doing and changing them. Each time he has been home he doesn’t Intiate any physical contact (this is very unlike him) and I have been walking in egg shells to a degree to scared to set a foot wrong. bring us forward to a week ago, my partner was telling me how everything around him is negative, he can’t sleep in our house, he’s sick when he is home, he’s body is sore, he’s tired all the time, and doesn’t think he wants to be with me. He asked if he could go off for the day to clear his head and I agreed if that’s what he wanted he didn’t come hone till 2:30am and slept on the couch (in my 12 years with this man never has he ever done that) he has continued to tell me he doesn’t know what he wants, he just sees negative, that he’s not been trying in our relationship and we both deserve to be happy else where? I started reflecting on the bigger picture and thought maybe he is depressed? I asked him to read up on depression and he did yet still denies and says he doesn’t know if he has it or not? Yet won’t acknowledge the next step in seeking help or treatment. he doesn’t touch me anymore, ask how I am, hug me, tell me he loves me. He is a shell with no emotion walking around. he has all of a sudden under gone a few social events where he goes off drinking (again very unlike him) he’s always been a 1-2 drinks and come home to my family kind of guy. what do I do? I’m so lost and hurt? I understand if he has depression I need to take my own self out of the equation but it hurts the man I love so dearly and he is all I have is so cold to me? have I lost him for good? Or is this depression?

My Bipolar Boyfriend

replies: 3

My boyfriend who is living with bipolar broke up with me and it was very out of nowhere. He told me well before we started our relationship that he has bipolar. We hit things off so well and connected so well and did during our whole relationship. Everything was going very well and we never argued or anything. I hadn't been with him during many of his highs or lows associated with his bipolar so I don't fully know what to look out for. We were very close and doing really well and then he went on a 3 day camp and when he got back his mood had completely changed and he broke up with me. I have heard that people with bipolar can find it hard to communicate during a high or low so I feel like he has found it hard to communicate whats wrong to me. I have also heard that a high or low can be started from stress. I feel like the stress of starting university (which is a big change) and fitting in uni, work, study and more that he has been feeling could have started a bipolar high or low. Maybe this high or low is the reason for his very sudden change in mood toward me? He says that I deserve better and he puts himself down and doesn't feel like he is good for me. I don't know how to let him know that he is good for me? I wonder if these feelings of his will go when his high or low ends because he didn't feel this way before? I think he is also worried that his bipolar high and lows will be bad for me because his mood toward me will change and he might feel like pushing me away sometimes. So I think he is worried that it will make me feel down and it wont be good for my mental health because he has said things like take care of yourself and stuff like that. I don't know how to let him know that I want to be there for him during his highs and lows even if that means he wants space from me during an episode or something, I want him to know that I want to be there for him and that I will take care of myself and I am happy? I want him to know that I believe he is good for me and that he makes me very happy and that I understand when he isn't doing the best. Also if he is going through a high or low now, I don't think telling him these things will get through to him right now. What should I do? How am I going to know when his high or low is over and when to tell him these things at a time that it will get through to him? Your help is greatly appreciated Thank you!

Neighbourly help

replies: 2

I am looking for some advice on how best can try and help someone that I don’t know very well. Some background, my neighbour and his dog moved in around 12-18 months ago. He set up the garden nicely with some lovely plants pots, a veg garden, furniture the BBQ a fire pit etc etc. (we can see straight in!). All we really know about him is that he was successful in the music industry, his career faded and has dropped off. He’s marriage broke down, he doesn’t have any children and I’m not aware of family around or being close by. Over time, particularly the last 6 months or so, the house has gone into severe disrepair. We’re pretty sure he drinks heavily and daily. We’ve often had neighbourly chats in the past but he’s no longer outside very often and I find it hard to find a way to get something personal in a short conversation like asking are you ok. My husband has his number and reached out to him via text to see if he was ok and needed anything. He seems to appreciate the check in but always says he’s ok. I realise I must sound like a curtain twitching nosey neighbour here but there are months of many things that have happened that are hard for me to condense and explain why I am here. Just to mention a few…short conversations with him sharing stories of living life on the edge, telling us how he wants to ‘go out’, daily booze deliveries, hearing him throw up every day, hearing the bottles chink in the bin every few hours, no more guitar playing or regular/weekly singing sessions and seeing what was once a cared for house and garden fall into disrepair. Pre Covid lockdown, we'd rarely see him go out anymore or have any visitors. As far as I can tell his dog does have food, shelter and water. It might be nothing but I thought these were signs of someone needing help. Any advice on different options on how I can reach out would be greatly appreciated. I understand someone might not want help but I can’t sit back and do nothing.

Seeking help for a friend

replies: 4

Hi there, This will be my first post on here. I am writing on behalf of a friend who recently confided in me he has suicidal thoughts ( of which he won’t act on according to him), severe anxiety preventing him from getting up sometimes in the morning, physical exhaustion and feeling the need to be alone. I just recently took him out for a trip to the cinema to take him away from “real life “ for a bit and to just have a small talk to let him know that we can address this together. He mentioned himself he doesn’t know whether to see someone. He is worried he may see someone he knows when he s at a doctors locally, which I totally understand. The great thing is that he s talking to me openly about how he feels. He s giving himself a hard time for feeling how he does as he believes he has nothing to “feel depressed about “ but as we know it’s not as simple as that. I have mentioned things like going for walks outdoors instead of being trapped inside with his thoughts, perhaps getting some vitamin D and fresh air with me and the dog may help clear his mind and also a gratitude journal or just send me 1 thing you’re grateful for per day. But I don’t want to force anything on him. I know from previous experience that just being with someone else helps distract you from your sometimes “illogical” thoughts that seem so rational to you at the time. I want to advise him or be there for him in the best professional way so that he can seek help. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Hi there

replies: 2

This afternoon while at work my husband sent a text that he was feeling lost and that he doesnt belong.. . I was going to call him but he said hes busy working . Prior to this he has said this before when he was down but i had to let him be but still check on him. But today I said i am here for him...he didnt respond so i sent him a crisis number. I tried to call again but he sent another text he is working. I want to know how to get him to talk and communicate with me? How should i approach him? Advice, what do i say? I am not even sure on his mood

Covid lockdown vent

replies: 3

I am a fulltime teacher managing online classes and a single mother of two daughters. A sixteen year old struggling with online VCE and a 15 yr old with autism and extreme anxiety. I am also caring for my elderly mother who has health problems and is locked down next door. The 15 year old who has refused school for the last 18 months was finally responding to medication and I had finally got carers to come to the house and she was indicating she was ready to go back to school in increments before the lockdown started. then the tensions with everyone home and in her space stopped her from taking medication, she refused online appointments too. Because of this YMH ar wanting to hospitalize her against her will. My gut is saying it will worsen both her anxiety and my relationship with her, (as her safe person) but I really need respite. Am I too old to run away from home?

Hospital programs

replies: 1

Our 10 sessions with headspace are nearly up so we are looking at starting private health insurance for our 18yo so that she can access private hospital programs for severe anxiety/depression. Would love to hear from anyone who has used inpatient/out... View more

Best Mental Health Online Courses

replies: 4

Hi all, I'm very interested in the mental health space and I am desperate to help both loved ones and strangers, both personally and professionally. As I'm isolated and have time and space, I'm wondering... what are some of the best online courses to upskill/educate my knowledge and to earn certifications/qualifications that legitimise me in the mental health space? I understand "mental health" can be a broad and vague term, so to elaborate a bit more, I am particularly interested in youth facilitation / supporting men, but I am very open-minded to other areas as well. I know of a few people that have done a Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) course with MHFA Australia and they said it was very good. I have registered my interest and hope to complete this ASAP. Does anyone have experience with this? Are there any courses you (or someone you know) has completed and you would recommend? Hopefully we can built a list together Thank you! Nico

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Supporting my Dad replies: 3

My Introduction: when anxiety meets depression. replies: 11

Please Help, I think my partner is a FIFO worker and depressed and I don’t know what to do? replies: 3

My Bipolar Boyfriend replies: 3

Neighbourly help replies: 2

Seeking help for a friend replies: 4

Hi there replies: 2

Covid lockdown vent replies: 3

Hospital programs replies: 1

Best Mental Health Online Courses replies: 4