Is my husband depressed?

MinnieMouse · ‎01-11-2013

Hi, this is my first visit here and I'm not sure if I'm in the right place but my family needs help.

I have been with my husband for 8 years and we have 2 kids (aged 4 and 2). My husband has told me that he's not happy and feels like he's in a hole that he can't get out of and that if he's not happy and doesn't see how he can make anyone else happy. He feels like he wants to leave us. I can't even imagine how our family would be without him. We went through this once before just after our second daughter was born. He ended up leaving that time but came back after counselling and a lot of heartache.

This time it feels harder for me because we are living in Australia (my family is in NZ). I don't know if he has depression or not. He doesn't think so although he trys to fill his time constantly and lately has just been putting his head in his hands and saying that he doesn't know what he wants.

I feel so isolated, alone, scared and heartbroken. Does anyone think he symptoms sound like depression?

Thanks

dragon_fly · ‎01-11-2013

Hi MinnieMouse,

I can't personally comment on your situation- purely because I don't know enough. But I understand the pain and hurt you might be going through at the moment. I know from my experience with depression (last two years) often you feel confused and alone, and like you are drowning in helplessness and sadness. You can't see a way out, and sometimes escaping/ leaving can be your only option.

In the process you can end up pushing family and friends away.I think lending your husband an empathetic ear, and encouraging him to open up and discuss what is on his mind is a good first start. I think you could also encourage him to seek professional help (eg. GP, psychologist, counsellor), which I've personally found useful as a third-party to personally discuss your circumstances with. They are not only helpful in providing a diagnosis (if there is one), but being proactive in helping you take the next steps to deal with your emotional and social situation.

Hopefully this helps,

dragon_fly

geoff · ‎01-11-2013

dear MinnieMouse, I'm sorry but from what you have said it seems a clear indication that he does have depression.

There are so many words that you have mentioned, 'like he's in a hole' and ' putting his head in his hands and saying that he doesn't know what he wants', plus he has left before, so if you combine all of these plus other feelings then he has depression.

I don't know whether or not he has had it before, when he previously left, but I would guarantee that he had depression back then, and hasn't been treated for it.

I would try and get him to see his doctor a.s.a.p, because it's been brewing away in him and now has come to ahead.

His doctor will know straight away, but you could try and get him to do the depression test, however he maybe in denial, but try and get him to his doctor. L Geoff. x

MinnieMouse · ‎01-11-2013

Thanks Geoff, that's pretty much what I thought. He hasn't been diagnosed with depression before but I have a feeling it's been there for quite a long time.

We are going to see a pyschologist for counselling next week so we can bring it up then. I have asked him to go and see a doctor about it but he doesn't think it's depression so won't go.

I think I would feel better if it was, at least that way we would know what we are working with. I feel like I'm taking a lot of the blame for how he's feeling at the moment.

geoff · ‎02-11-2013

dear MinnieMouse, it's always easy to blame yourself if he has depression, but don't put the blame on yourself, because this illness can 'come out of the blue'.

The counselling that you both are going to is it a marriage counsellor, and even if it's not then this psychologist would know if he has depression and would be able to ask the appropriate questions to him which maybe able to encourage him to go to the doctor.

At the moment he is in denial, but eventually he will realise that there is something wrong, however it is better that the psychologist suggests this.

Please let us know. L Geoff. x

MaryG · ‎02-11-2013

Hi minniemouse,

I don't know if your husband is depressed or not. Some of the things you describe in his behavior sound pretty much like my own experience from the other side. At least he is talking to you about what he is feeling. I shut down completely and pushed my husband away. I felt such resentment towards him that he might stop me from indulging in my self destructive behavior. But also I didn't want to worry him. Turns out you can't stop people who love you from worrying about you. It is good that you are seeing someone together but again from my own experience this can turn in to marriage counseling and not really addressing the core issue which may be his depression. We were seeing someone together and I found in that group situation I became very guarded in what I said. It has been much better for me to have one on one time with the psychologist and to be completely honest for once in my life.

I know he should go and see his GP, but this can be really hard to do. I chickened out repeatedly in my first attempts to get help. I hope he can take that first step though.

Mary.

MinnieMouse · ‎03-11-2013

Thanks guys. It is marriage counselling that we're going to but I'm kind of hoping I can bring it up there and if the counsellor thinks it could be depression, he might be able to persuade him to see our GP.

You're right about the worry thing Mary, I am constantly worried about him, about our kids and about where this will all end up.

Life can seriously be cr*p sometimes!!