I want to be there

[skybellexena]

Whilst I only met him a couple of months ago, the man I have been dating is the first person I have dated who I really genuinely like, who makes me really happy and we make an amazing couple. We challenge each other intellectually and creatively, we always have amazing fun adventures and we get along with each others friends. Last week after a stressful and emotional week at work he broke things off with me very suddenly. He admitted to me he had been struggling on and off with depression for the past 10 years and he had been having a depressive episode and can't be in a relationship right now. I completely understand and agree with him that he should focus on his health and shouldn't be in a relationship until he is ready and have been really understanding. Having had my own struggles with anxiety and depression over the years I now feel strong and stable to help him with his struggles. However he feels the only option is to completely cut me out of his life and I don't know how to help him or explain to him how I feel without making him feel pressured to include me in his life when he isn't ready. I don't want to give up on him or be cut out of his life, but I want him to be happy and healthy. I don't know how to be there for someone who wants me in their life but can't have me in their life because of their depression. I don't know how to discuss this with him without bringing up my own wants and needs which is selfish of me. But I can't help but feel disregarding my own feelings is not the answer in this situation either. If I had been apart of his life for longer than two months I might have more grounds to stay. But because I have only known him for such a short period of time I feel like trying to be there for him is selfish of me. I really don't know what to do or who to ask. 

[AGrace]

Hi sky,

I'm sorry to hear of what has happened with your relationship. It's so difficult to want to support someone who doesn't want to, or doesn't feel they deserve to be, supported.

Your last sentence was you don't know what to do. Do you still have contact with this man?

If you do, then I would tell him exactly what you just told us here. He needs to hear how you feel, he needs to hear what you want, he needs to know that you genuinely care about him and what he's going through. Then he can make up his mind about whether he wants you in his life.

You sound like you're ready to be in this for the long haul, and it doesn't matter whether you've known him for 2 months, 2 days, or 2 years, it sounds like you already love him. From where I'm sitting, you have absolutely nothing to lose. Sometimes special people come into our lives and they're worth fighting for. 

Again this is only my opinion, and you need to decide what's right for you.

AGrace