Husband suffers massive anxiety after job redundancy - need help to help him, please

[Lu1212]

Hi

My husband was made redundant last Tues (4 days ago) and has slipped into a very dark but unfortunately familiar place for him.

He is the sole bread winner in our family and has massive financial obligations.

I am a stay at home mum with our 3 year old and do not work - nor am I of a qualified nature so can not earn enough money to cover child care so me working is not an option.

He was given a good severence package which should last us 5-6 months (depending on good budgeting)

He has suffered anxiety and bouts of depression in the past

in 2009 he was made redundant and took till Aug 2013 to re enter the workforce.

He thinks this will inevitably happen again.

He is meant to go back to work for the month of November to fulfil his obligations but is now in bed shaking, sweating, panting and unable to get out of bed with the thought of having to go in tomorrow and face his peers and boss and appear 'in control'.

He needs to go in and seek out any possible chance of applying for other positions in the organisation and to take part in an outplacement program.

He has a team of 17 people and is a General Manager so has quite a presence at work.

The redundancy seems targeted as well as he had 3 months away from work earlier this year due to a rare and sudden onset infection that required serious surgery.

In the time he was away the co worker who filled in or him did quite a bad job and it appears that the only fault of my husband was to not fire him quickly enough once he was back on deck

How can he regain his confidence to put himself out there again?

I feel scared, anxious myself and hate telling lies to my 12 and 3 year old as to why daddy is in bed and am sick of hearing family say 'he'll be alright, he'll get another job easily, stop over reacting' - unless you live with someone who suffers from this you just can't imagine

Any words of help, advice, would be so appreciated

Lu1212

[white knight]

Hi Lu, welcome I hope I can help

Anxiety is a serious condition regardless what some say.

I can emphasize with him, the worry would be enormous.

Getting work is a long process now a days, it can take weeks even when successful in an interview.

On that basis Im going to suggest radical ideas that should be thought about.

I assume based on heavy financial responsibilities that you are buying your own home. With no mortgage protection insurance you could lose your home. If this is the risk then discuss now with him the alternatives of selling and trading down to something not only affordable but will take the worry out of his life.

Day to day distraction could help him overcome his anxiety. Google

Topic: depression, distraction and variety- beyondblue

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Good luck.

TonyWK

[Lu1212]

thanks Tony, I appreciate your feedback.

The idea of trading down seems extreme to me, certainly the better route would be to tackle the anxiety and deal with that rather than to downsize as this would only add to his anxiety and make him feel like even more of a failure.

I will look up the references you mentioned.

thanks again,

Lu

[demonblaster]

What a blowbto you both. Jeez poor guy he's really having a hard time of it

Wondering if he could through his GP maybe both together could see a professional with mental health to learn coping methods. Hard ride esp he's been there before so understandable to be so wary

Good luck sorry i dont have much to offer but am here & listening.

You sound like a loving committed wife who's standing by him, good on you but also look after your m.health too