My husband of 25years recently left me. We have 4 children 22yrs -15yrs.
He is a functioning alcoholic which I believe stems from childhood trauma he refuses to recognise.
His Pop who raised him recently passed away and since then he was pushing us away and drinking down beach longer.
We had been talking less as I was not home much due to work and then his drinking in the afternoons. So communication was via text .. it was mostly me saying I love him and he needed to prioritise us and our marriage.
A month before he told children (to my surprise) that we where separating we had been on two family trips to the snow and me and kids in reflection thought it was happy and fun and loving.
We have since found out he has had an affair (still seeing this person) which happened within the month after we went on family trip (from what it seems she may have take advantage of his depressive state and said things to make him feel happy but it wasn’t based on truth.. the messages and discussion I had with her she seemed like this was a competition between me and her and I have no idea who she is).
He has since told kids he had left the marriage before he physically left and hence no affair .. and he was unhappy for a long time, and this has nothing to do with them it is between him and me.
Kids and I don’t believe it as our marriage was very sexual, he is a non communicator and doesn’t express his emotions … until he started talking to this other women down the beach..
He told me he started using words he never used before and me and kids felt like he is a different person ..
kids are not talking to him (their decision)
I think since his Pop passed his depression has spiraled and he is now living in a detached reality.
he certainly is not any happier and isn’t taking on any parenting roles for the younger kids only to ask if they want hang out and surf (like a friend not a dad)
I love him and want him back with his family were I know was happy loved and cared for ..
how do we help him ?
