How to support my partner for 12 years with his depression and a baby due soon?

[Odd_Socks]

My partner of 12 years has been going through some extremely bad depression,

We lost a little girl that I gave birth to at 6 months, she was so premature she didn't make it, he was amazing and was really there for me and very supportive, after 2-3 week of him staying home with me he went back to work, he works away and is home for 4 days every 2 week for the last 4 years, I felt like it was to soon as I feel like he had not grieved yet but I know everyone deals with things in there own way,

Unexpectedly 4 weeks later I fell pregnant again, we then bought a house, the plan was me to go on maternity leave and him to quit his job and move before the due date its closer to family,

His work talked him out of it saying he can take a few mouth off then deside, this is when things got even harder

6 weeks ago he left to go back to work he said he need time for him self and that he could no longer tell me that he loves me as he has no emotion what so ever and that he feels empty inside, he had been pushing all of his friends away over time and now he is pushing me away too,

6 weeks past and all I knew was he started to see someone about his depression and had been put on medication over about 4 texts,

He walked in the door I tried to just give him a hug with no words he just put his hand up as a no, he then said that he was only here for the day and he would be leaving after we have had a talk, he drove 7 hours just to have the conversation with me to then drive 7 hours back to work,

He continued with telling me that he started on some medication that did not end well for him and he had tried to end his life, if it was not for the people he works with he would not be here right now, my heart just sunk, he said he is no longer on that medication and new just makes him sleepy, after a 3 hour conversation he told me that he needs to focus on him right now and that he has no idea what the future holds but he cant be with me and have me waiting for him as its just something thats going to destrct him, he plans to be back home 2 weeks before the due date and has a 2 months off work then,

I guess I just don't know what to do is there hope that we may get back together? Do I text him or just leave it? I don't want him to think that I don't care but I also don't want to push him away more,

I guess I'm just looking for people that can relate and there experiences, what worked for them and dose it get better with time or will it always be like this?

Hope this makes sense

[geoff]

Hello Odd Socks, and a warm welcome to the site.

We're so sorry about the loss of your baby and something as unfortunate as this can impact the feelings of how the parents react with their actions and feelings and at times it's very difficult when someone is suffering from any type of depression to tell their partner/spouse that they love them, and even if they are able to, it's not the same way as they have done so in the past.

One of the best options is for a person to take medication prescribed by their doctor and to also have counselling because only one of these isn't initially able to direct a person on the right path, however, once this has been achieved then the person may only require one of these but depends on the situation you are trying to cope with.

There is a possibility that he may want to talk with you at some stage, maybe when he's at a low point but it may be worth knowing what to say back to him, but you would need some help from a counsellor so you can keep the line of communication open.

You can text him every now and then and let him know that you still love him and make him know that you're certainly looking forward to seeing him 2 weeks before the baby is due, I'm sure deep down that's exactly what he wants, but please talk with your doctor and whenever you're available we'd love to hear back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.