Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Son with suspected anxiety won't leave his bedroom

replies: 4

Hi all, I am a single parent with a son who completed year 12 in 2019. Since then he has barely left the house. He has caught up with his school friends only few times. He keeps to himself in his room and watches Youtube all day/night. He only comes out for meals or to help with chores. He doesn't work/study and when I try to talk to him, he shuts down the conversation. I've asked him several times if he was feeling depressed or suicidal and he's always answered with a strong no. My son and I lived with my parents. My dad suffers from a chronic illness, and my mum hasnt been well either. I tried caring for my parents whilst raising my son and working fulltime. But I'm afraid I may have given my parents more attention than my own son and admit this may have caused/contributed to my son's current state. During school my son had friends and was active in sport. He struggled in school academically. Every teacher spoke of how respectful/polite he was, but found him quiet in class, he would never ask for help. I tried to assist with homework and assessments but he'd quickly shut me down, as I would in his words "stress him out". During high school, he often complained of stomach pains and would either arrive to school late or where I was concerned, I'd keep him home for the day. I always thought he was just sensitive to dairy (How stupid I was). Fast forward to today, our conversations don't last longer than a few minutes. He refuses to talk about work, study or future, he gets angry with me when I try to talk to him - he says he cant talk to me because I stress him out too much. Until now I believed I was dealing with a teen who was "maybe" lazy but definitely lacking in confidence. But then we had a conversation a few months back that finally opened my eyes. While in the car, I asked him if he had stomach issues like he did in school. He said no and I asked why that would be, he said "well I was always anxious about school". I asked him if he thinks he may have been and still suffering from anxiety and he said yes. Since then, he agreed for me to email him info from beyond blue, but no to seeing a GP, psychologist etc. I'm finding that he is increasingly frustrated with me and/or my approach or just my general way of talking! Anyone been in this situation? Where should I start? Maybe I start with me first i.e. how to communicate better? I've messed up terribly by not recognising the "signs" but am focused on helping him as he deserves a great life... Thanx

Husband's undiagnosed OCD upsetting me more than him

replies: 1

My husband thinks he has OCD but is yet to seek a formal diagnosis and I'm worried he never will. Before we started dating he told me about his issues (won't eat food other people have cooked and stops having sex a few months into a relationship). He was going to get help before we started dating but instead, after waiting 6 months we decided to start dating and deal with the issues as we go. We're now 11.5 year on, married with a toddler. About 5 years ago he saw a GP about anxiety at work but didn't discuss the other issues. He was prescribed anxiety medication but stopped taking it after a week because he didn't like the way they made him feel. About a month ago he agreed to go back to the GP, discuss all his issues including his aversion to sex, talk about his suspicion that he has OCD and ask for a referral. He went but needs to get a blood test and decide what specialist he wants a referral to and he hasn't done any of that. I'm worried he doesn't have enough to motivate him to get help. He doesn't exhibit compulsive behaviours because he just avoids situations that trigger the obsessive thoughts. He has gotten so used to this I don't think he cares about not being able to share food with friends and he is used to the lack of sex, it hasn't affected his work, he has a very good job that he thinks his OCD helps with and has lots of friends who don't know what's going on because he is very good at hiding it. It does affect me though, I hate lying to our friends and family and avoiding eating with them and the lack of intimacy in our relationship is impacting my mental health and making me question if what there is in our relationship is enough. Even if he does seek help I'm worried he won't improve. He saw a therapist many years ago and had a bad experience, we have seen a relationship counsellor and that went well but mostly because she had a very similar way of thinking to him and I can't see how that would work with OCD. He thinks his anxiety about eating food others cook is justified and while he says he wants to want to have sex its been 2 years sincewe lasthad sex and beforethat it was only every 3 months so that isn't a big motivator. I just don't think he sees his thoughts as being wrong or intrusive and is only mildly inconvenienced by avoiding triggers. How can I help him/is there any point when he says he wants to get better but doesn't follow through.

Lost husband

replies: 4

My husband has been struggling over the last couple of years. We had a fairly major family tragedy that he just can’t seem to get past. He did acknowledge a few months ago that he wasn’t being his best self and got some help (medication and therapy) but I’m concerned that his medication is no longer working however I have approached him about this and he says that he is fine despite myself and others being able to clearly see that he isn’t himself. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can convince him to at least speak to the doctor about it?

Alcoholic husband

replies: 2

We have been together 15 years married nearly 8 years two beautiful babies my husband has been an high functioning alcoholic for nearly 5 years. He was raised in foster care and has anxiety/depression and PTSD from this. I hate my life with him. Don’t love this version of him. His not a good husband or father. He isn’t helpful and only does stuff to fill his needs. I feel like a single mum already. He doesn’t sleep in my bedroom because I’ve put boundaries in place (won’t have him in bed if his been sleeping which is every night) ive asked for a divorce and he won’t. I’ve asked him to leave and he says he won’t. I feel stuck because if I leave I’ll have to share my kids but I feel like they are not safe with him. He gets drunk and passes out. I just want to be happy and feel safe. I want my kids to see what a happy and healthy relationship is. I want my son to have a positive male role model and I want my daughter to have a good example of how men should treat women. I want to want to come home and not feel dread ! im just so lonely and sad. I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Parents with teenagers who have BPD

replies: 9

Hi, My beautiful 16 year old daughter has BPD. As a family we are finding it very difficult and have lots of new things to learn so that we can support her and help her. We’re currently involved in a program which we are hopeful will help - my partner and I are seeing some results already although we seem to have a long road ahead. We’re both prepared to do whatever it takes ti help her. I’ve found and read lots and lots of books and information on BPD. I’m feeling so overwhelmed and sad at times, it’s so difficult to be the brunt of my poor daughters painful illness. I’m finding myself feeling lonely and don’t have any friends in similar situations. I have lots of friends but no one who really understands what my life is like now and the impact from her I’llness. I’m finding myself increasingly unwilling to go out to social events - in fact hardly doing any of the things I used to - because my daughter feels abandoned if I go out/do things without her. I’m ok with that most of the time, butseem to be losing my own sense of self. I feel selfish at times - for wanting to go back to “how life used to be” when she was younger, I feel like I’m grieving the loss of my child, which is horrible, but also grieving the loss of what my vision of our lives would be - it’s so different to how I thought. I’m mostly ok with dealing with it and staying calm during the critical times, but when I’m alone - particularly after my daughter has had a tough day - I just feel battered and lonely. Ive had some helpful counseling sessions from a Carers organisation, but those sessions are finished now. Theres been so many new things to learn about what my daughter is feeling (self harm, feelings of emptiness, anxiety, the BPD triggers that she struggles so hard with, etc) and it might be helpful to hear how other Mums, Dads cope? If there are any Mums out there in a similar situation I’d love to hear about how you get through each bad day, how you maintain your sense of self, how you keep your other relationships afloat. Ive tried looking for Facebook groups, etc, but have found nothing near me. Thanks you, Fi

My partner is experiencing depression and is pushing me away

replies: 13

Hi,I’m new to this forum but I’ve seen some great responses and would love some advice. I have been with my partner for more than 5 years now and we have had a fantastic relationship, very happy and supportive and we’ve been through a lot together. We are so In love and have never had issues before. We have always talked about plans for our future together and get along so well. The last little while he has been slowly withdrawing from me but I didn’t really notice because it was so gradual, he was lacking effort towards seeing me and spending time together, however when we were together it was fine and he always told me he loved me. Recently we caught up and completely out of the blue he broke up with me saying that it’s him and not me and that I’m great and he loves me but he can’t be with me anymore because he “feels no emotion” and wants some space. He appeared a little scattered with his thoughts but he ended up talking about how he is depressed and his mental health is really bad. He lives at home with his mum, dad and siblings and I’ve spoken to them and they are supporting him and have encouraged him to seek professional help! This week has been terrible for me because we have spoken every day for the past 5 years and now have gone a week without talking. He has always supported my with my issues. However, I have never been in this situation before, I love him and he tells me he loves me so how can I support him and how do I begin the support because I’m not sure how to get back into his life. Any advice would be great, thank you so much!

How to support my partner for 12 years with his depression and a baby due soon?

replies: 1

My partner of 12 years has been going through some extremely bad depression, We lost a little girl that I gave birth to at 6 months, she was so premature she didn't make it, he was amazing and was really there for me and very supportive, after 2-3 week of him staying home with me he went back to work, he works away and is home for 4 days every 2 week for the last 4 years, I felt like it was to soon as I feel like he had not grieved yet but I know everyone deals with things in there own way, Unexpectedly 4 weeks later I fell pregnant again, we then bought a house, the plan was me to go on maternity leave and him to quit his job and move before the due date its closer to family, His work talked him out of it saying he can take a few mouth off then deside, this is when things got even harder 6 weeks ago he left to go back to work he said he need time for him self and that he could no longer tell me that he loves me as he has no emotion what so ever and that he feels empty inside, he had been pushing all of his friends away over time and now he is pushing me away too, 6 weeks past and all I knew was he started to see someone about his depression and had been put on medication over about 4 texts, He walked in the door I tried to just give him a hug with no words he just put his hand up as a no, he then said that he was only here for the day and he would be leaving after we have had a talk, he drove 7 hours just to have the conversation with me to then drive 7 hours back to work, He continued with telling me that he started on some medication that did not end well for him and he had tried to end his life, if it was not for the people he works with he would not be here right now, my heart just sunk, he said he is no longer on that medication and new just makes him sleepy, after a 3 hour conversation he told me that he needs to focus on him right now and that he has no idea what the future holds but he cant be with me and have me waiting for him as its just something thats going to destrct him, he plans to be back home 2 weeks before the due date and has a 2 months off work then, I guess I just don't know what to do is there hope that we may get back together? Do I text him or just leave it? I don't want him to think that I don't care but I also don't want to push him away more, I guess I'm just looking for people that can relate and there experiences, what worked for them and dose it get better with time or will it always be like this? Hope this makes sense

Local Police Staion can be a great place to call in a threatened suicide crisis.

replies: 10

Hi everyone, I've been around for a few years now, mainly just coping and improving with much work on myself, but also with my emergency supply of my own private meds my Doctor approves as a go to in crisis. Two days ago I was confronted with a desperate call from my son who informed me his girlfriend wanted to end her life. For all the years of random counselling, and reading about mental illness, I suddenly found myself in a panic. I called Headspace, as she is just 18 and they directed me to Police. Having no confirmed location on the girl, I was unable to call 000. So I called my local Police Station. For those who are unaware, as I was, you can call your local Police for these emergencies. They were so helpful and stayed on the lin with me as we tried to get my son to coax her location. She was at work we found half hour later, and Police dispatched a unit to protect her. She was transferred to Ambulance and taken to hospital for further assessment. So if you guys find yourself in a panic over anyone, Local Police are amazing when you have no location to call triple zero. I certainly would never have thought to call them. Hope it helps someone.

My Girlfriend has depression but I need help!

replies: 10

Hi everyone, I’m looking for help, advice or guidance. Here’s my story: My 31 y.o. partner has depression & anxiety, and has been diagnosed for about 10 years now. We’ve been together for the last 3 years and she’s always had her ups and downs, but in the last 6 months it’s gotten really bad. She’s been on meds which have now been increased and has just started seeing a therapist so hopefully that helps her too. My problem it is really impacting our relationship. She is so absent all the time that I feel like I don’t have a partner at all, even though she is functional in the sense that she goes to work and is successful at what she does. We don’t talk as she can’t articulate her thoughts or what she’s experiencing, there’s no ability/desire to plan for the future, there no intimacy or affection anymore, she is exhausted whenever she’s not at work so even though we spend time together every night she’s not actually ‘with me’ (if that makes sense). I feel like I always have to be this perfect partner with all these expectations placed on me so I don’t make her feel bad or upset her or whatever, but I can’t have any expectations on her at all, she does things to hurt me when I’ve inadvertently done something wrong and sometimes even when I haven’t done anything at all, but is able to hold it together and treat everyone else fine, which hurts me a lot. I know that this is all the depression and not her, and that she loves me, but I’m at the point where I am thinking about ending the relationship because I am no longer happy in it. I haven’t stopped loving her & I don’t want to lose her but I feel like I already have and I just don’t think I have it in me to stay on this rollercoaster ride or that I have anymore to give. And that makes me feel like a crap person. When we first met, she was self harming but she stopped and hasn’t done that for almost 2.5 years. She has also previously had thoughts of suicide but never made an attempt. She told me she was actually preparing to make an attempt the day she met me but meeting me stopped her. I’m not sure if she’s having those thoughts now or not due to the lack of communication, but I’m terrified that if I left she might harm herself. I feel like I’m trapped and I’d really like to hear from anyone who has been through it or is still going through something similar. What do I do? Can I turn this around? If I stay am I just signing up for a lifetime of being unfulfilled in my relationship? Thanks

Supporting Anxious 6 year old

replies: 1

My 6 year old is quite anxious about a lot of things and it's starting to take its toll on me. It is my role as a mum to help her through it but I am feeling quite exhausted and feel like even though i am implementing everything I've been encouraged to do, we are not making progress. Getting ready for activities (school, gymnastics etc) is a huge effort and takes us hours to get out the door. I broke down in tears this morning - i was trying to be so strong in front of her but just couldnt anymore, and then i felt awful for breaking down when i am trying to teach her to be strong! I am also torn between knowing if sometimes she is truly anxious about something or whether she is just telling me she is; she obviously gets lots of "attention" from me and cuddles/reassurance when she tells me of the things she is anxious about. I want to give her support and make her feel loved and nurtured and help her through it, but I am finding it hard to be strong. Would love to hear from anyone going through something similar

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Son with suspected anxiety won't leave his bedroom replies: 4

Husband's undiagnosed OCD upsetting me more than him replies: 1

Lost husband replies: 4

Alcoholic husband replies: 2

Parents with teenagers who have BPD replies: 9

My partner is experiencing depression and is pushing me away replies: 13

How to support my partner for 12 years with his depression and a baby due soon? replies: 1

Local Police Staion can be a great place to call in a threatened suicide crisis. replies: 10

My Girlfriend has depression but I need help! replies: 10

Supporting Anxious 6 year old replies: 1