How to get boyfriend with depression to open up

Leah7518 · ‎14-03-2017

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend has depression and I am really proud with the efforts he has gone to to get help from his doctor. He takes his medication every day and after 2 months his moods are a lot more stable.

There have still been a few periods where his depression have taken control and its in these times that I want to help but its hard getting him to open up.

He will always appreciate a big cuddle from me during these time but doesn't like to talk to me about it. I can completely understand that and know I wont be able to solve his problems but I want do want him to be able to tell me how he's feeling because I know for myself and have heard from others, that it's a good release to talk to people close to you.

I also want him to be able to talk to me because I want to try and encourage him to go back to the GP to evaluate his treatment plan particulary because he's still experiencing these grey periods.

So my question is, how do I get him to talk to me about this stuff? Does anyone have any useful tips or is it just time?

Thanks,

Leah

james1 · ‎14-03-2017

Hey Leah,

It sounds like you're doing everything right by providing him with an ear - if he wants - and just being supportive with a cuddle or two. It's also great that you can see those improvements because it's something that he is also likely to be thinking - "do others appreciate how hard it is for me to get and feel better?"

The short answer to your question is he will talk to you about it if he feels he wants to and can. I don't mean this in any bad way - simply that sometimes the people we care about most...we don't think can help us. And it could actually be true.

To explain that a bit better, maybe I'll explain how things are with me and my sister. I trust my sister more than my friends and psychologist, but to me, I want to keep the specifics of my problems out of family. I cannot explain why, but my sister understands that I know I can and will go to her if I need, but for the moment, I have other support structures there too.

It's really lovely that you want to do as much as you can and it sounds like you are doing everything he needs you to do. I just wanted to remind you that you don't need to be everything for him. Definitely keep the dialogue up, keep lending an ear, but don't forget his primary source of advice when it comes to his treatment plan is his doctor. "Recovery" from depression is very hard and sometimes we want to treat it like work - it has a place separate from the family home.

James