How do I grow up, with a mum who I think has bipolar mood disoder

[How_do_I_grow_up]

Hi my name is Belinda

im 26, years old and my mum I believe my mum has bipolar mood disorder.. From a young age I grew up with my mum having some form of depression. As a young child I know my mum was abused by her father, and to this day she "hates" him and tell me when she was young she wanted to kill him. He is no longer with us, due to ill health. As the years pasted by my mum and dad immigrated to Australia and made a life here, where my older brother and I were born.. When I was born my mum had post-natal depression and suffered a lot, and as a result my uncle and father bought me up because my mum couldn't until I was 3 or 4.. Later on she was told by doctors that the depression or some form of the disorder will come back..

now 26, how do I grow up?? and create a life of my own?? and include my mum into my life?? I am currently in a serious relationship with a man I love, and looking to the future and one day marrying this man.. I have struggled to grow up over the years.. Now I want to create my own family life, I do approach telling my parents bout staying over my boyfriends place for the night?? Letting him look after me?? Help me I just want my "mum" to show me how to have a relationship

[Chris_B]

Hi Belinda,

Welcome to the forums.

Just to clarify, are you still living at home?  At 26, you no longer need your parents (or anyone's) permission to stay at your boyfriend's house, even if you feel like you need to.  It's not a situation that should require a discussion.

The key thing here is rebuilding a relationship with your mum as an adult.  Put the bipolar disorder to one side and have a talk with her about what's going on in your life, ask her how she is, plan to do things together.  Take it slowly.

I don't believe it's possible for anyone to show us how to have a relationship, these are things we work out for ourselves as every person is different and the dynamics between couples change depending on the personalities, wants and needs of each person.  Openly talking with your boyfriend about these things is at the heart of this, and it is ultimately up to the two of you to build a strong relationship, which it sounds like you are doing already.

Does anyone else have advice for this situation?

[Pixie15]

Hi Belinda,

I believe I have read somewhere that one of the growth needs that women have which kicks in about age 25 is to learn how to mother ourselves. Your mother may not be able to be the role model you need to help you at this time in your life. I have many strong women who I have tried to emulate in different ways over the years. It might help to find a women's group to spend some time with. Peace, Daisy101.