How can i help my husband?

[Annonymous]

I don't know how to help my husband?  I know that he is suffering from depression and anxiety but I don't know how to convince him that he needs to speak with someone.  It is getting worse and worse and I am very worried about him and also now it is starting to affect me and our 5 year old. 

He thinks that the whole world is against him! He says many times a day 'I hate my life'.  He hates his job, hates everyone he works with.  Nothing makes him happy.  He says he wants to move to the country and get a job fishing.  I know that wont make him happy though, maybe for a little while!  And I certainly don't want to move away and be out of my comfort zone without my family and job to keep my sane!  I always say he wouldn't be happy even if he won a million dollars and never had to work a day in his life again!  He is just that kind of person that always has something to complain about! 

Over the weekend he had a fight with his best friend and hates him too! Doesn't ever want to seem him again and from what I can gather from the conversation, it was only a difference of opinion, not something that should break up a friendship.  He has said that we would be better off without him! I told him know that is not true.  We love you very much and need you and just want you to be happy again.  He also has OCD (not diagnosed), which he has kind of admitted but just calls it a 'little quirk'  and that is getting out of control now too.

He collapsed last year, had to call him an ambulance.  He was unconscious. They ran tests on his heart and brain and of course, like I thought, they all came back clear! I know that he collapsed because of stress!  The doctors we have seen say no it was not stress, but he just tells them he is a stressful person normally.  They don't see how he reacts to the smallest little thing! I am constantly walking on eggshells!  I feel like I have lost the husband I married. (nearly 10 years!) He is never happy.  I believe he drinks too much but of course when I mention it, that causes an argument.  His mother was an alchoholic so 'I know what an alchoholic is!' I don't necessarily mean he is an alchoholic, I just think that he drinks too much.  He also doesn't eat particularly well and has a lot of trouble sleeping.   When we argue, it is always me that is the problem but I know that it is not!   I'm trying to stay strong but it is really wearing me down.  He can be completely fine and then a short time later it is like there is another person there and he is really upset.

He thinks the best thing is to 'run away'. He has said often that he wants to off himself but has also told me he doesn't have the guts to do so!  This is a bit of a relief but not much. 

I'm constantly worried about him and I don't know what else to do.  He has lost so many friends (of course it is always their fault  though!)

I'm almost at the point now where I cant handle It anymore. I have said to him if he cant speak to someone for his own sake, to do it for myself and our son, but he just says we would be better off without him!

How can I get him to see someone? I know it all stems from his terrible childhood.

Please help me! I am getting desperate.

I love him very much but I really don't know how to help him.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Anonymous,

Unfortunately, either the medical team at the psychiatric hospital will end up helping him if things get worse and he attempts suicide or he will, in a rare glimmer of common sense, sort something out himself.

If you push the solution he'll resist.     Some people want to hit rock bottom before getting support.   But then, if he's had a terrible childhood (as you write) he's been at rock bottom for many years.     No chance he can contemplate forgiving his parents for their abuse.    This kind of thing releases some anger at least.  He's in a really tough place and you are probably at the end of your tether too.

Your area might have a Crisis Team - ask your GP.    The tend to have clinics and do door to door counselling at all hours of the day or night.  Can be a bit brittle though.

Adios, David.