Help me help her

[Joshuasacca]

My partner has depression 

we do not live together as we are two young but we love each other so much.

Her body can tell you her storie or most of it , it is coverd in scars. she has had a horrible past in witch she dose not know her real mother and her father was killed last year , she now has an extremely verbally abusive mother , she has also been through physical and sexual abuse , when she was young she fell in love with a much older guy and little did she know he was using her but none the less she loved him and he died in a car crash,  she had a sever drug problem and was on every drug exept LSD's , she has had a few sucide attempts and has also been through a phyc ward . Somehow she met me after all of this . She hates school so so much and in the afternoons comes home and cries for hrs.  I have known her 10 months now and love her more than ever . But it's hard . She changes so fast , form crying to laughing from so seriouse to the silliest little girl it's hard to keep up. When she can't see me due to my or her parnts she gets upset and instead of missing me she gets angry and starts arguing why I can't see her. We are very close we have a sexual relationship and we both love it.  when I am with her we are the happiest people you will meet laughing till we cry and singing like the world is deff . But when we are not its so difficult to hold together. Please how to I help her ?

[GrabAVoice]

Hi Joshuasacca,

Perhaps if you and your partner can possibly see a GP and they can then give you a referral for some help.   Your partner has had so much to deal with in her life, it must be so hard and confusing for her, and also for you.  

It takes a very strong person, to support someone so depressed.  It must be so so hard for you, because you are the one she loves and she will take out all her frustrations and anger on you, because you are there and also an easy target.  Please know, when she does this it is not necessarily you she is upset with, it could be just the situation that she is in.  You need to make sure you look after yourself Joshuasacca, because if you aren't strong and well, it will be harder to help your partner.  

Try and get some professional help (like a psychologist) to start off with.  Try and make time to relax and chill (like painting, dancing, yoga, long relaxing walks), whatever you find relaxes your mind.  Eating healthy is also a good choice.  I have found a wonderful naturopath, who has also helped our situation - if the body isn't balanced correctly, how can the mind think clearly.  

Take care and I pray that your situation improves.

[ModeratorA]

Dear Joshuasacca, what a great support person you are being. It can be really difficult to support somebody who is having such trouble and very tiring. You are really putting a lot of thought into this situation with your girlfriend.  Please remember to look after yourself too. Maybe some support for you might be a good thing as well as working out something with your girlfriend. It would be great if you could  about tell  an adult what is going on and about your concerns. Is there an adult you trust that you  feel you could speak to? Perhaps you parents or a school counsellor or teacher? What about a GP at your local health centre? 

It sounds as if your girlfriend has had a lot of tough times, and has had some support to get through difficulties in the past. Could you encourage her to recontact some of those supports? Maybe she even has a worker now? If so it is really important that they know how she is going. From what you say it does sounds like seeing a professional who can really work through with her the best way to get passed this tough time safely and what to do so she can stop feeling so low would be a great idea. Please remember Kids helpline is also available (1800 55 1800), it is a free call and people there are really great to talk things through with. The local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service or Headspace could also be great options. Let us know how things go Joshuasacca, and remember to look after her you need to look after yourself too.

The moderators

[geoff]

dear Joshuasacca, there is so much going on for her as well as for you, so much hurt and loss and so much disappointment, and although you love her so much it's impossible for you to be able to handle all of this by yourself, so you do need to seek medical advice and professional counselling.

This won't happen in the short term, because there's a lot that she has to get off her chest, so it's going to be a long haul.

Good on you for being there for her. Geoff.

[giggles]

HI Joshua

As everyone has suggested look after yourself while loving this little one which means to make sure you do not get caught up in her things do you know how to just love her regardless of what she says or how she reacts which I know is easier said than done. If you know anything about the big picture things it means her getting the help she needs  for herself but you doing the same so in the end the strength between the both of you can be shared.

You both have things to learn and its a bugg...a when its pure emotion running a body but it is achievable to get to a place when it is not controlling someone.

All the best and I hope you know how to cherish those nice times you manage to have together but just love her and walk with her its a process remember its her process and you have chosen her for a reason. Perhaps you can see her true self and she can not yet.

She is fortunate to have you there all the best Joshua and well done for speaking up on her behalf.

Giggles.

[Joshuasacca]

Thanks all of you!!

she has been through so so many many people who tried to help her but to no success , she dose however talk to her school councilor a lot now witch is very good . And thank you grab a voice for reminding me she is an amazing artist but stopped due to her not being able to find the mental motivation anymore. We also very very lightly touched on her going back to hospital to help her out and she said she was scared of what they might do , if they would never let her go back to her home or see visitors ( me ) and she said that she remembered when she was tier before and told me " it's like your getting a permeant needle and it's not to bad , but when someone forces you to stare at it entering your skin all the time it just makes it more painful " , I also have another question do people with depression go through like Cycles it seems as though every few months she gets down and then comes out again ?

[geoff]

dear Joshuasacca, has she diagnosed with any sort of depression, like bipolar, maybe you can google this illness and see whether she has any of the symptoms.

The answer to your question is yes, as she may be relapsing which is very common when you have depression, and this maybe caused by something very small but it's enough that will make her unhappy.

No one knows if and when you are going to relapse, things maybe going along well but suddenly it breaks down.

I have to stress to you that she can't help any of this, and that it's not her fault, so we can't just blame her or criticise her, but I think you know that already.

Please have a read of what bipolar can do to someone. Geoff.

[Joshuasacca]

Thank you Geoff, she dose not have bipolar , and I did read up on it , thank you . 

She seems to be rationalizing things out slowly very slowly , witch I suppose is a good thing . We are going to a concert soon so I am hoping that will boat hers and our spirits. She wanted to leave me at one point be put then 3 days later took me back . But dose not trust me as she used to , her reason being that she did not know,  Confusing . But she seems to be getting her head around things. 

Is there anything I can do to gain her trust again ?