Help for depressed teenager

Tre16 · ‎21-11-2018

Hi there, I’m a mum of a 16yo teenager girl. She has been depressed and having suicidal thoughts for some time now but has only recently opened up to me about it. She has told me she won’t do anything as she doesn’t want to hurt me but I just don’t know what to do to help her.

She has always had issues with friendships with others around her own age. She gets along really well with older people though. We have tried counselling many times over the years but she just won’t open up to anyone she doesn’t know or trust. I know she is lonely. She does prefer to hang out at home but it worries me that she doesn’t have friends her own age who want to spend time with her.

She was diagnosed with ADHD when she was 10 and went on various medications over the years which never really helped. She buried her head in the sand and did not want to understand or learn about her condition. I’ve never wanted her to be on the medication but had to be guided by doctors opinions of my perception of what had been going on.

A few months ago she took the initiative to read up on the side affects of the medications she was taking of which she was experiencing almost all side effects. She then stopped all medication cold turkey swapping to taking vitamins instead. That was about 5 months ago now and all the side effects she was experiencing stopped almost immediately.

When she opened up to me recently about her thoughts I said to her that it worried me because she had stopped taking the medication but she said she has been having the depression/suicidal thoughts even when on the medication. She just didn’t tell me about it.

I’d love to know if anyone else has been through something similar as a parent and if you have any tips or ideas which may help. Thank you.

smallwolf · ‎21-11-2018

Tre16,

Hi and welcome to beyond blue. From your post there are the some good points. On the positive side, your daughter is open with you about her thoughts. It is a pity that she/you have not had much success with professional help, but sometimes this can take a while to get to a place where you can be open with someone about your thoughts.

I have been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist for a while now. I was on one medication and handed over to a psychiatrist to look after me. With the first ADs I was on, I had suicidal thoughts. I told my psychiatrist of the effects and then tried a different medication. It did not have the same side-effects. As a side note, I am changing ADs again because of different side-effects to the 2nd medication. They can be a bit hit and miss, but if do get any nasty side effects it is better to tell someone that not.

As a son, I visit my parents place each Friday. We talk about various things including mental health, TV, and everything else. For me it acts as a distraction as much as anything else, and allows me to feel "alive" without having to deal with anxiety or whatever for one day. And that has deepened the parent/son relationship. That might be one idea where you and your daughter can just bond for some time. It might not be the same as getting professional help but....

For yourself, have you looked at any of the information available under

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

If you are interested, I would be happy to share with you the apps that were recommended by my psychologist, and related tips, tricks and exercise I do for depression. Space is short here, and I don't want to overload you.

If there was one thing I could possibly suggest, and that is to encourage your daughter to be open and honest with you, and you actively listen with empathy. Not to say you are not doing this, but it might help her to tell you her other fears or concerns? Of course there is a fine line between conversation and you getting too much information - there are some things I have only told my psychologist.

I hope some of this helps,

Tim

Tre16 · ‎22-11-2018

Hi Tim,

Thank you for your reply. It is most appreciated.

Thankfully my daughter and I do have a very close relationship and she is talking quite openly with me about what is happening and how she feels about it.

Yes please I would love to know what apps and or tips and tricks etc you have been advised of.

Thank again, I look forward to hearing hearing from you 🙂

smallwolf · ‎22-11-2018

There are two apps that I actively use on my phone - one is virtual hope box, and the other is relax melodies. They were recommended to me by my psych. I also have smiling mind, but do not use that as often. They all have guided meditations. There is a word search game on virtual hope box that uses positive words like LOVE, ACHIEVE, HOPE, etc. It took me a few goes to work that out.

Books, another recommendation from my psych is "The happiness trap". You can probably get it from the library, but you can also read much of it through Google books. Some of the ideas mentioned in this book you will also find on the grounding and mindfulness threads. Some ideas work for some people, and not for others, but it is the about find out what works for you, rather than saying "none of them work!".

I also have prayer beads if I need to hold onto something physical when an app does not work. You can use them in a mediation as well. A mantra you could use is "BE. HERE. PRESENT" and just say that over and over.

On self-harming, there are alternatives such as using a red pen, or squeezing ice instead.

If/when I can remember more I will add them.

Tim