Dear Teena,
Wow ! Jumping out of cars on the freeway - very Bruce Willis. I guess your daughter has a large component of anxiety. How can she control it ? By jumping out of a moving car. By smoking weed. By annoying the hell out of you. By abusing her family. It's all attention seeking and very destructive. Maybe you have to be boring and put a child safety lock on the passenger side or tell her to use public transport. I have jumped out of cars myself but it's normally on the edge of a manic episode. Sometimes it's triggered by a small arguement. When you look back you probably wonder "Why all the drama ?". We normally go out of control to seek control. The toddler tantrum usually results in being picked up and given a nice biscuit. Pretty much the same thing. We say "hello", they say "HELLO !!!".
The depressive component can lead to "do or die" moments. She's obviously looking for a moment that "breaks my heart !". You can't pander to it. Try saying "Gee, that's only taken 12 mins to give me a hard time - normally when we drive together you wait until we get past the MacDonalds". So you kind of pre-empt the worst behaviour and thus semi control it or at least dampen it's effect.
The GP ? Anyone ? Even a counsellor at school ? I mean, has she been assessed by anyone so far ? It seems she's hell bent on going over the edge so the next medical interference might be part of a Police arrest and Go Straight to (Psychiatric) Jail and Do Not Pass Go. Sometimes, with extremes, you gotta wait until rock bottom is hit. Sounds callous but with some personalities they are actually fuelling the self destruction. And your role of mum is being shit on from a great height. But...........regardless of this (and sorry to be so graphic) you will always be her mum and.......more importantly, you will always be there for her.
Try thinking long term and avoiding the reactive moments that are so in your face. My son once walked for about 5 hours late at night to cope with his depression and escape the domestic security (and possibly over done care). There was torrential rain. We looked everywhere. Finally at 2am we get the call to go and get him. This happened a couple of times before he eventually was able to manage his anger better and communicate. At the time he was repeating Yr 12 and felt ostracised by his mates who were all moving on to much more worthwhile adventures. At that age it doesn't take much.
It's kind of like a teenage rite of passage. Maybe our kids will be stronger for it. My son finally got into uni and is currently on hols for 2 wks in London. Let's hope your daughter finds her feet too. You should get your partner to drive you slow speed and try jumping out of the car yourself. Your "crazy" assessment might change into "fearlessness" and then you can see a glimmer of the sheer determination that will run your daughters life. You might even smile knowingly.
Adios, David.
