Do I go home?

[FarFromHome]

My husband stopped talking to me a week ago. This happens every now and then so I just tried letting him know I was there and giving him some space. I had a weekend trip with friends planned so I thought that would be good to give him that space. After I had left, he messaged me to say that he wasn’t handling things well but that it wasn’t me or us. He told me to continue with my trip when I said I’d come home. Now that I’m away, he continued being very short with responses until he eventually blocked me (after I said it was snowing - I was trying to keep convo light) then I noticed a large chunk of money missing from our savings account. I tried asking him about it but I was blocked. So I asked his mum if he was alright and if he was home (we live with my in laws) she said he was but that she had been concerned about him. I told her about the money and she then spoke to him. I then got an abbusive text from him and have now been told not to come home for a while and that now he does have an issue with us. He has now taken off. Did I do the right thing in telling his mum? And should I stay away as requested? I’m worried he’ll destroy our marriage before he seeks help.

[Just Sara]

Hi FFH and welcome to our caring community;

It takes courage to post for the first time so good on you! I hope BB forum provides a safe and helpful space for you while dealing with problems and solutions.

You know your husband better than most. If he's had these 'episodes' before, would there be common denominators linking them?

A close family member of mine gets that way when they give in to their gambling demons. I'm not saying hubby's doing this, I'm just saying people get weird when they have secrets, whether they're psychological, emotional or behavioural.

I don't think talking to your MIL was a bad move as she has immediate access to him. Your worry would justify calling her IMO.

His angry response might be understandable due to personal boundary issues with family, but not to the extent of saying don't come home; this is odd.

Being blocked for talking about the weather's odd too. Is the dynamic between you open enough to confront him when you arrive home? About secrets I mean.

I know it's a long shot asking you to just enjoy your time with friends after what's happened, but you may as well use this opportunity to achieve what you set out to do in the first place. You deserve that much eh..

Please keep talking here if it helps you find balance. An opinion that's not linked to you personally could help you see the forest for the trees. (At least I'm hoping it does)

Take care ok. I'm here most days if you want to talk more. It may take a little while for your post to be moderated and posted, then for my response too. But if you're patient things might turn out to be productive. 🙂

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[FJDad]

B'day far from home.

You did the right thing, I believe the message straight after you left was a cry for help...... "Something the old me would of done" if you had of run home he would never speak up just in conversation to you. He needs to learn to speak up running to him wouldn't build the strength he needs to do that. Waiting and ruining your weekend is selfish and he would continue that trend if it works.

The money was a last ditch effort to get you to run to his beck and call. Something is bothering him yes but there needs to be boundaries or he will never improve just ride the waves to easy fix

Hope this helps