Depression -supporting my partner and children through his depression

[CCs]

Well up at 11.52pm not a rare thing for me lately as my partner who I love dearly has again behaved in a way that my two boys aged 12 and 13 are upset and leaving me frustrated, worried, angry, confused and to be honest pissed off at him as like usual not long after the damage is done he is again apologetic and upset knowing that his behaviour over such a small problem was selfish and not acceptable as it wasn't the 29 times beforehand. I at this stage cannot even tolerate to hear it again and feel like a prisioner who is ready to explode. This is one of many outbreaks he has weekly, in front of the kids and that he regrets after I ask him to think about his actions. This time it was about my youngest and his bedtime of 9.30pm. He was asking my partner for 5 minutes (tears and all) to finish a playstation game. My p said no ad school was tomorrow etc. I support this and after going to see my boys said that they are the rules and they know that. Whilst just chatting with them before lights out we hear all this banging. I go and my P was banging doors etc and flew into a rage stating "how could you do this you didn't support me" he's shputing and I just calmly say "think about you actions and stop been a child as I supported your answer as they are our house rules" this goes on and I wslk away to let the boys know it's ok this is depression then my youngest upset says that he hates us fighting and it happens all the time. He says he just thinks that one day we will leave my P and he doesn't want that" my P is a great father figure and my boys adore him but as any child would cannot stand the yelling, sadness and anger he displays daily. He had again apologised to me after more than 3 attempts to state his point and blame me.

I am not leaving, I am not giving up on him but I do not know what to do as this after 6 months is now getting me so angry that I don't like been around him hearing how bad he slept or how he had a down day or that he doesn't feel good and he will say this to me 10 times with min 10 minutes whilst I clench my jaw and reply "oh darl that's not good, I love you" ect

what the hell do I do from here? He

[Lonelydan]

Hi CC welcome to beyond blue, what a horrible situation and you always having to explain to your children about there fathers actions you are right to worry. This situation can’t continue it will destroy you and your children. No one want a child for a partner which is what you have this is so difficult I’m so sorry you are experiencing this so unfair. Is he receiving professional help and medication you can’t be the glue that holds his pieces together you will pay a price for that maybe say I’m getting to a point where you need to leave for a period the children are suffering because of your behaviour I’m suffering to. Dan...

[demonblaster]

Hi CC & Dan, good post Dan, agree

Sounds like he needs to see someone CC to get help to control his temper.

IT's not good for any of you, at least he's sorry so seems to realise as many don't so he may be more willing to get help do you think?

Damaging for the kids.

Maybe that could make him come to his senses having a bit of a break.

All best hun

[CCs]

Hi Guys thank you for your replies I appreciate it. He is seeing a psychologist every fortnight but his doctor has not put him on anti depressants at this stage. He had a breakdown 4 weeks ago and said that he had suicidal thoughts as well. I am a counsellor and from what he has told me starting from primary school bullying, his first partner wanting to sleep with another man leading to a him ending the relationship and many other things where he has allowed people to treat him unfairly leaving him feeling useless and unworthy. We live together and me and the boys can't leave due to school and work etc. I'm thinking family counselling.

[demonblaster]

welcome CC, thx coming back

Sounding like a good plan family counselling, everyone has their say and heard.

Sounds like he has a lot of unresolved pain, why do people have to be so............ urghhh

[Winterfell]

It sounds like the family is going through a tough time. Suicidal thoughts are really concerning - I think maybe a review might be good from his doctor - he sounds like he is suffering with anger and agitation - sometimes this is caused by depression. One of my husbands early warning signs is irritability. Maybe you could go to the doctor with him - it sounds like you are getting frustrated but want to help him.

[HillsDwella]

Your story sounds like mine, I'm typing this at 4am because it's hard to sleep with all that tention in the house, we had the bedtime drama here too tonight. One thing that keeps me going is that we have an appointment booked with a councilor in a week. It will be our second appointment and she seems easy to talk to.