Daughter with anorexia and now brother suicidal

[Nej]

Hi I’m able to support and get help for my daughter but my brother is suicidal. He had a couple of life changing incidents that brought him back to Australia after many years overseas. He comes back to find our family in difficulty. A father with ms and dementia and a mother not coping. He spent years caring for them as he was getting no support from government. They wouldn’t even give him a Medicare card even though he was born in Australia in case it was for just to have an operation then go back overseas. He had to prove he was living here by offering proof of employment or home. He came back after losing all his money in a business by a thief of a partner. He came back with nothing. He never got deal with his losses as he went straight into helping me care for parents. After many years he is still in the same boat and although dad passed he cares for our mum. He needs help. He needs work but being over 50 it is difficult to get a look in. I have tried to encourage making small steps to gain back independence but I am having no luck over many years. He’s happy helping others. My mum is still withdrawn and very much about herself and my hubby isn’t wanting my brother to live with us. I’m overwhelmed so how do I help him. I managed to talk him down today but what about tomorrow. With no Medicare card he can’t get into a doctors. What resources are there to support him getting the things that need doing done?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Nej,

We’re so sorry to hear about what’s going on for you and your family right now. That must be incredibly difficult. It sounds like you’re a really supportive parent and sibling, and we’re glad you could share this here.  

We really recommend giving us, or another helpline a call to discuss this, on 1300 22 4636. We’d also really encourage you to encourage your brother to call Lifeline on 13 11 14, who may be able to help him to plan for his safety. Another option is the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467. These are free services for anyone in Australia, regardless of their Medicare status.

We know it’s not simple, but we would encourage you and him to seek support despite the Medicare problem. If he is unsafe, or unable to avoid acting on unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it’s really important that he calls 000 or presents to an emergency department.

We can imagine how concerned you would be about your daughter. We’d always recommend reaching out to our friends over at the Butterfly Foundation on 1800 33 4673. You can also chat online or via email.

It is so important that you look after yourself during these times, so we'd also recommend reaching out to Carers Australia.

It is really good that you’ve been able to share this here. It might take some time for our kind community to spot your post, but we’re sure they will soon be here to offer their kind words and understanding. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Nej,

I am so sorry to hear about what you and your brother are going through. From your post, it is obvious you love and care for him deeply so no wonder his state of mind affects you and worry you a lot. Sophie has given you excellent information about the first point of contact, in case he is suicidal.

You mentioned he liked helping others. Would he consider jobs that would involve this, or/and taking care, looking after others? He could look at some training offered by TAFE. Maybe the expense wouldn't be too high. He has had a lot of experience with looking after elderly people, thanks to assisting your parents. Maybe he would like to follow this path?