Boyfriend's Anxiety

[Puppies]

Hi!

Tomorrow (August 4) is mine and my partner's 4 year anniversary. We have been doing long-distance the whole time. Despite being together for so long (with ups and downs) he recently voiced to me that he feels I do not wholeheartedly want to be with him anymore. I'm unsure of why this is because, firstly, I do still wholeheartedly want to be with him and my feelings toward him have not changed over the years, and secondly, I've always made the effort to ensure he knows I love him/want to be with him/want to work on issues in our relationship. He's never been good at communication, but he has recently tried so hard to voice any concerns or issues he has so we can work on them together.

I wanted to get some more ideas of little ways I can show my appreciation/love for him. Throughout the time we've been together I've done a lot of research and collated ideas together of little things we can do for each other/how to communicate effectively/ways to effectively solve problems, etc. I was hoping to get a bit of an insight into the things that make YOU feel appreciated/loved while dealing with anxiety.

Thanks 🙂

[PamelaR]

Hi Puppies

Thanks for getting back to us so quickly. Good to get your update and that you've not fallen into depression. Well done.

For me, I see something telling in cancelling appointments with your psych. Perhaps it's something you don't want to deal with yet? Is it something to do with your long distance relationship, or not being able to get work, or being without friends?

What sorts of activities do you like? For example, sports, crafts, intellectual things, arts? Are there any types of organisations where you live?

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Puppies]

Hi PamelaR,

I'm not really sure why I cancel the appointments. I feel anxious talking to my psych about everything and I think it's because she has a biased view, and often gives negative feedback rather than focusing on the good things.. if that makes sense.

I started going to my psych for a different reason (I did post about it but only got one reply, which is understandable). It's a hair pulling disorder that I've had for 10 years, called Trichotillomania. I originally made the appointments for that, but it seems now that we only focus on my relationship with my partner, and I don't really want that. When things are bad in the relationship I don't often feel better by talking to her, and when things are good we seem to focus on the bad, which brings me down again.

My partner only lives a few hours drive away, so I can go visit and come home often, but the distance is still difficult and taking it's toll. I have realised that the friend I've had for almost 5 years seems more uninterested now and we only hang out when I ask. She also puts in a lot of effort to hang out with people who she isn't even very good friends with (or so she tells me). She works a lot too which is probably why, but my messages go unread and unreplied to and then she makes plans on top of what we have already planned, cancels on me and then says she forgot we made the plans. I guess the unemployment gets me down a lot too. I've recently started back up making money through babysitting/tutoring, but I would love a stable job. I think everything all put together just gets me down a bit sometimes.

You asked what I enjoy - I enjoy being with my dog, who is almost 10, so she's getting old. Although when I go visit my partner I don't see her for a few days/week at a time. I'm still studying so I don't often have free time. A few months ago I bought a heap of stuff to start teaching myself calligraphy, but haven't been able to do that as I've been busy with study. I hope to get back into it soon.

- puppies