Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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walking on eggshells

replies: 7

My husband is suffering from anxiety and has recently started taking medication to help. Although at first this helped it now seems to have different side affects and it seems to be as if he now has depression and is very moody almost to the point of angry outbursts. It's very scary and makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells at all times waiting to see what mood he will be in. It also has affected his sex drive to almost non existent which I understand can be a side affect but is still hard to deal with. I've asked him to go back to the doctors and tell them what his side affects are to make sure everything is fine but he refuses. I feel as if I'm a bad person and its all my fault .I don't know what to do ....I feel like I'm sinking and no matter what I do to help I know in the end I will drown

Some days Im not sure I will find the strength!

replies: 2

Everyday is a challenge , not knowing how my daughter and husband are going to be.Some moments everything is perfect and I feel so elated. It's hard dealing with family members with depression and I'm not sure after everything we have been through , I may have depression also.I become very anxious at times also. But how do three depressed people living under one roof support each other . We have survived through hell and back ,so much has happened to our daughter , abuse, drugs violence ,police , avo's . I always believed in God , well I had faith he would keep her safe , well bad things happened but she is safe now with her family , I'm so blessed for that. it's so hard some days , my well of hope and positivity is empty at times and I fear it will dry up. what will happen then , it scares me.

He wants space..I don't know what to do

replies: 17

I believe my boyfriend of almost 7 years (we are both 25 almost 26) is showing signs of depression. This time last year he broke up with me out of the blue for 3 months and couldn't really say why. When we got back together he still couldn't give me answers but said he was miserable without me and it was a mistake. I should point out that he lost his dad when he was 22 and that was only a few years ago. This is the time of year his dad started to get ill as well. He said it is nothing to do with that though. We have been back together since January and are now approaching the time of year that this happened last year and he has told me is is feeling very down all the time and doesn't know why. He is ashamed of the way he feels and doesn't know what to do about it. I have suggested seeing a doctor but he refuses. He said he just wants to get away from everything, it's like the smallest things put him under pressure that he can't cope with. He has asked me for a few days space to get his head straight and feels he can't do that around me as he feels he owes me answers and can't give me any. He said that he knows I will think he is going to breakup with me again but has said he isn't he just needs to be away from any sort of pressure. I will of course do this for him, but I am finding it very hard to swallow. I love him dearly and would do anything to help him, but right now it's difficult to know what to do. I also have an underlying fear that he is going to break up with me again because he can't cope or perhaps he is stressing himself out about telling me because he knows I will be heartbroken. I know he has told me he isn't planning on doing that, but I don't feel reassured. I am giving him space but is it normal for him to want to keep his distance from me for a few days? Or is he showing signs of breaking up with me again? He tells me he loves me and it's him not me, but that doesn't reassure me because I keep thinking he loves me but can't be with me. Please help - I will do anything to make this right for him. I know I can't take the pain away but I want to save our relationship.

Anxiety, breakup and feeling unwanted.

replies: 15

My partner of 5 years came to me after a day at work stressed out and worried; ‘I think have anxiety’.I didn’t know how to handle it, I myself had issues with depression/anxiety as a teenager. Few weeks later he became very stressed about work and I tried to support him. After an hour of sleep and a morningat work he came home and said he wanted to move, 4 hrs away. At first I thought it was both of us, then I thought it wasgo back long distance but it became apparent it was a break up. A few days before he left he asked me see the psychologist to talk about things or we may break up. I had problems withintimacy. I knew it frustrated him as did it frustrate me. I felt pushed at times and like an object. It put a big strain on thingsand he has sited it as the as the reason for the break up. I’ve never been one for talking and talking to someone aboutsomething I didn’t even understand was daunting. I asked him to give me a week to think, I didn’t get a week. I spent the afternoon at a friend’s, while my parents drove him up the road to meet his family. I didn’t know he was going(he has apologised for leaving like this), I thought I would come home and he’d be there. The day after he left we spoke on the phone and he called me family and said he loved me, but said that he needed his family.I felt and I still do feel worthless, to be called family but not be family. I offered to move to be with him, but he told me I wouldn’t cope. Offered to go long distance again (we were long-distance forthe first 8months) and even offered to make this just a break, but he said can’t make promises. I explained how great it would beto have a fresh start. I have more friends in his home town then my own. But he just kept saying I wouldn’t cope and he doesn’tsee things working. We own a home together, and now all he wants to talk about is the house, anything else puts him on edge and causes an anxiety attack.It’s really hard for me to just talk about the house, I had dreamed a future for us. I was never one for dreaming futures, but I had donethat for us. All of this has me seeing a psychologist and now I’m waiting to see my Dr for something to help with the stress. He’s told me he has still feelings for me, so why can’t we be together? Has anyone been in this type of situation that can help me make sense of it all?

He says it's not about me, all is fine with us but then days later drove away from me and now I'm not hearing from him at all. How do I interpret this

replies: 2

I've been seeing someone since July. I knew early on he had depression (something he's never admitted to me) straight off he was saying lets work out making each other happy forever. That I was so stuck with him. Always asking me if I was happy. He doesn't think he's attractive & always said he never thought I'd be attracted to him because he found me so stunning - something he told me repeatedly. That he's always pinching himself that someone like me would want him. He'd text me All day. Talking about our future. How we'd live life without many possessions and try to always be 'happy'. That he really wanted this. After 8 weeks, he started to slowly distance himself because of various issues. His mobile then started to die on him so contact became harder. After an incident where he'd forgotten we had plans his response was really frazzled. He was pacing saying he's got million things to do, not happy where he is in life. I did get an email an hour later from him saying he was unhappy in general and that it had nothing to do with me - really isn't. He said he needed to work out what he's doing with his life. I replied with please give it to me straight - does he still want this and am I apart of where his life is going. Thankfully he replied 'yes of course' but he needed some headspace & hes struggling a bit. I saw him a few days later and asked him if we were ok-he was irritable but repeatedly said everything's fine gesturing with his hand to me to not worry. as I was leaving said that I missed him and his whole demeanour softened and with a tilted head said he missed me. On his birthday 4 days later I spoke to someone close to him that said he was in a deep depression and give him space but I thought he'd want to see me. I waited to see him so I could say happy birthday. I saw his car approaching-he would have seen me but he didn't look over or wave like he normal. I walked around to where he normally parks and he had unusually parked further away, hiding behind other cars. I started to walk over to him and he started up his car and drove away from me. That was 2 weeks ago. He hasn't text or emailed. I'm confused because the last time he spoke to me he was quite firm that everything is fine and that's what I keep holding onto. He's very direct so I'm sure he would tell me if we were over. I keep emailing and texting never getting a reply but I want him to know That I love him & I'm waiting. do I wait for him to approach me? Should I approach him?

Not liking his medications

replies: 1

Hi there Just wondering if anyone can help me, I have finally managed to convince my husband to goto a doctore (has taken 10 years) he suffers badly from anxiety and depression. He has just started taking medication, but he said he hates them and makes him feel very strange. I suggested that he lessens the dose and goes back to the doctor, but am very worried that he just stops taking them altogether, am not sure what I can do to help...

new to the site

replies: 2

Hi all, im a 35yo single mum. I have 2 daughters aged 17 and 15. Im having so much trouble with my 17yo. We both suffer from depression and anxiety. I can just bear it, but my daughter cant. When she was younger she was raped by her father over numerous yrs and Ive tried getting her help. At first she went to counseling but she stopped going coz it didnt help, we've been through that many and now she wont go to talk to anyone about it. Now she is such an angry person, she does get violent at times and i cant control her, she has kicked and punched holes in the wall and has got violent towards me and her sister. She even goes outside and kicks and punches brick fences. It scares me a hell of alot. I don't know how to deal with her. She does smoke cigarettes and marijuana. All im doing now is looking for help and advice

Lost and confused

replies: 2

My partner and I have been together two years. His previous relationship some years back created major financial hardship and with all the repercussions of this event he was shortly there after diagnosed with depression. Over the recent years he has became increasingly better through medication and creating a better and new routine but he still has his down falls. He has always had a very close relationship with his family however in recent months, he has had a dispute with his family which has resulted in them more or less turning there back on him and he just cannot understand why. As it stems from events before we were together I myself find it hard to understand why they are doing this and when he comes to me for advise at times I am lost for words? He calls his mother quite regularly and tries to have discussions with her to try and work out their issue but it seems she says something to upset him every time which, causes a downfall. Having quite a simple knowledge base of depression and anxiety how can I as a partner support my partner and try to help not let this event consume his and our life, when it seems that his family are merely moving on with theirs and we are in a stand still and dwelling on their every word? Do I need to tell him to stop contacting his Mother the last thing I want to do is offend him, but at times I feel it is the best thing? How can I help to try keep us moving forward so we can enjoy and start our life together as I love him dearly?

How do I help my partner

replies: 5

About six months ago I started a new relationship. Things were really amazing, he really is the best man I have ever met. He was caring, gentle, affectionate and always told me how happy I made him. He did all of those little things that people do when they are new in love - random text messages etc. He said things to me such as I had given him a new look on life and that he really enjoyed his time with me. About 2 months ago things changed, and it really did feel as though there was an overnight change. He has become withdrawn, unaffectionate, not interested in sex, but also never gives me a hug or a kiss unless I ask for it. He isn't sleeping properly and often gets up really early to go to work when it isn't necessary, he will not communicate with me and is generally uninterested and distant. He is drinking and gambling heavily. I know that he has been diagnosed with bipolar and it was quite severe to a point where he was hospitalised for about a month. I have found out that in his previous relationship his girlfriend left him when he became ill. I know all of this from comments made by friends, he has not told me this. He has told his friend previously that he does not need to take medication and that he has researched the topic to a point where he knows how to control it. As I mentioned he has been pulling away from me and wants to break up as he said "he can not continue being in a relationship that he does not feel fully into and that if he cab it find it in himself to act how a partner should then there is no point being there for the sake of it, running ourselves down until someone breaks" I was hurt, angry and confused at the time. He has asked for some space and I have said I respect his need for space. This was before I knew the history with his illness and his previous relationship. I could be wrong but it seems he may be experiencing a low again and he is pushing me away due to the previous experience with his girlfriend leaving. Please can I ask your advice as to how I approach this with him. How long do I give him space for and when I do speak to him again how do I go about saying that now that I know I can support him and we can work through this together. Previously I felt unloved and a burden on him etc, but if I know he is unwell and I know the best way to support him I can be less needy and help him through this so one day we can get back to our happy place.

Sometimes I just want to give up on them but I know I never will.

replies: 5

My daughter was in two abusive relationships aged 13 to 17 .Now in a better relationship but she suffers anxiety and depression, never finished school . Everything causes her anxiety , eating sleeping what to wear ,what to do. She is doing a course and I feel some days are good but tests or assignments cause severe anxiety. She has just started to see a psychologist , but its hard some days she doesn't want to get out of bed. My husband has depression and we have been affected financially.It is so hard being the strong one, I cry most days driving on the way to work. I never know what's about to happen , will my husband go to work today ? Will my daughter get up to go to college tomorrow ? I suffer anxiety daily worrying about what will happen next with them ? I love them dearly , some days I don't know how I will go on!

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

walking on eggshells replies: 7

Some days Im not sure I will find the strength! replies: 2

He wants space..I don't know what to do replies: 17

Anxiety, breakup and feeling unwanted. replies: 15

He says it's not about me, all is fine with us but then days later drove away from me and now I'm not hearing from him at all. How do I interpret this replies: 2

Not liking his medications replies: 1

new to the site replies: 2

Lost and confused replies: 2

How do I help my partner replies: 5

Sometimes I just want to give up on them but I know I never will. replies: 5