Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Anxiety With Substance Abuse

replies: 4

Hi - I am new to the online forum and am desperately seeking a different form of help for an adult sibling who has a very long history of anxiety, depression and alcoholism. She is medicated and her psychiatrist who she has been seeing for about 12 months is chopping and changing each time she returns to the psychiatric hospital. Her story goes as far back to more than 10 years. A few rehabilitation facilities around the country have been tried, some lasting for months however no long term recovery has been had for years. Originally our family felt that her alcoholism led to the anxiety and depression but her psychiatrist and her tell us that it is the other way around. Currently, she is not lasting any longer than 10 days to 2 weeks before anxiety builds up and she drinks again and its not always because she has missed prescribed medicines. We are at a loss as to what to do next. If she goes back to the psych hospital, its only temporary. Sometimes its only for a couple of weeks then she comes home and we just wait for it all to happen again. She appears to not put into practice what she is supposed to and we wonder whether she is giving up on overcoming her illnesses. Now she is not eating. One minute she says she wants help and the next she doesn't. She is on her own however has older children still at home. Ive come to this forum in the hope that some advice might be given that may make a difference and help our family save her life.

My teen son is showing depression symptoms but manipulating his girlfriend in the process

replies: 1

Hi all, Im completely lost in what to do. My son has been displaying signs of depression, not major yet but isolation/lack of appetite/feelings of sadness. Upon going through his phone (condition of having a phone) I found messages between him & his girlfriend about him wanting to kill himself if she dumps him along with many other forms of emotional abuse. I'm very confused about this behaviour and how to manage it. I thought my child was sensitive & caring yet all these messages to her are about isolating himself because nobody is trying to make him happy or cares are just disturbing. Obviously she is giving him the attention he is craving by playing to his games. Has anyone experienced this before? His father was abusive & controlling & im worried he will turn out the same.

Coping with a friend's depression impacting me

replies: 2

Hello bb community forum, It's been a while since I have posted. But here is goes... About 9 months ago I was diagnosed with major depression. I have been managing well with it.... Getting the right amount of sleep, going for walks and mindfulness and I'm cooking healthy dishes for myself more often too. But during those months I had made a friend who is suffering from major depression as well. We talk daily and I try to give him/her advise in how to remain above the water... My fiend's depression is pretty severe and all I want to do is help but at the same it's taking its toll on me. I am staying up later and I feel like I'm spending more time talking with him/her than I am with myself. The good thing is that I think they have finally accepted that they need proper help and is willing to listen to the people who care for him/her. I guess I'm writing this paragraph too in order to be heard and get a sense of common understanding because our relationship is pretty exclusive where it's just me and him/her talking. I guess it's important to take care of myself too but it's difficult when you care so much about a person.

How do I support my partner

replies: 8

My boyfriend, 22 and I, 21 have been going out for over a year now.In March last year, before we met, he lost his 18 year old brother who was on life support in the Alfred for about a week. He hasn't really spoken to me about him much and that's ok, I understand that he may not want to bring it up. In January we set on off on this big trip and came back in June. It was the best thing I ever did and I know that it helped Jack soo much, I saw how much it changed him and helped him let go a little bit. But not long after we got back things sort of went down hill. He did a new job, a new car and he seemed happy for a little bit. He isn't really himself anymore though he's always snappy/grumpy, appears anxious over small things like phoning somebody up, and has lost interest in things that he used to really enjoy, like football, basketball, music, even sex. At times can be either extremely clingy or extremely distant - doesn't want to talk, says he needs space, spends the entire weekend on his own, doesn't answer his phone/reply to messages. I really want to help but when he doesn't open up it makes things so much harder. I just want back the happy Jack I fell in love with, I hate seeing him this upset all of the time, it's really heart breaking. He needs help but I don't know where to start. He hasn't told me himself but I know that he was seeking some help online from Eheadspace but I don't know what's happened with that and he thinks I don't know. i just want to know where to go from here, how can I support him to get some more help and how can I support him in his everyday life when things are this bad for him?

Free budgeting assistance?

replies: 1

Hi does anyone know where I can get some free practical budgeting help/support for my bpd husband? i work full time, we have 4 kids. Husband is in charge of managing our home -bills, cooking etc. He is grocery shopping EVERYDAY! He fixates on silly things " can't possibly cook that meal without an onion" and then shops some more. we are spending WAY more than we should be and wasting lots of good. i really don't want to take away his debit card and have to be responsible for all this myself as well as being the breadwinner. It's exhausting. Mid there some kind of free mentoring for managing home duties for people with mental illness? He doesn't listen to me.

my boyfriend has anxiety & I'm struggling to help him

replies: 4

heyy! I've never posted on here before so I'm a bit nervous opening this up. Anyway, my boyfriend of one year has been getting progressively worse anxiety. He is terrified of other people meaning something to me and that he loves me more than I love him. we both recently turned 18 & he is terrified about me drinking and going out, even though i'm not the type at all to be irresponsible with that stuff and he 'knows' that. I feel so helpless when he has panic attacks and it is even worse in social settings where we both have to deal with the weight of added expectations from other people. I have learnt patience and listening skills but nothing i say will help him at the time other than giving it time to settle down. He then feels guilt ridden and profusely apologizes and it's just really unpleasant and unfortunate for both of us. I don't want to miss out on my life or friendships with others because of him but I also want to support him as much as I can and I don't know where to start. ANY advice would be so much appreciated! Thankyou

My partner started University a year ago and his anxiety has flared up

replies: 5

Hi guys This is my first post and I am hoping to get some support and ideas to help my partner. He has started a double degree at University after a few years of working a crappy job. He is really smart, and previously started after high school, but dropped out due to failing and a bad mental state at the time. He has recently received a scholarship based on his efforts and in order to continue this scholarship, he must keep his grades high. This is so wonderful, but seems to stress him out further. But he still has 4 years to go and doesn't seem to be coping with first year content. He goes to uni about 4 times a week during the semester and at least once a week (minimum) he calls me on the way home or tells me when he gets home that he is "stupid", "never going to amount to anything" and "useless" because he may not understand what he has to do for homework or for an assignment. No matter how small the things are, they bother him if he is having a bad day, even someone driving in front of him too slow bothers him. It takes me slowly talking to him and comforting him, sometimes for hours, to help get him out of the downward spiral of a mood. It's draining to me and sometimes ineffective in helping him and we go to bed unresolved; but always feel like a new start the following day. I am having troubles with constantly maintaining the strong persona, and I want to help him as much as possible so he can deal with these moods on his own for when I am not there (I am about to finish my degree and start working full-time, and may have to move away). I don't want his anxiety to prevent me doing what I need to do, nor constantly affecting him to the point that he feels like dropping out and doing "nothing" for the rest of his life. I hope this makes sense - any input is appreciated.

Need help helping my boyfriend through depression and anxiety

replies: 3

My boyfriend of 2 years (who I live with, he's 24) suffers from depression, as well as anxiety attacks which triggers days of depressive episodes. Most recently, he suffered an anxiety attack at work (pressure and responsibility getting to him) and was crying all night that night, the following day, and I believe he is still affected by it a few days later. We have a very (otherwise happy) and loving relationship - I made sure I was there for him 100% those few days, we hung out together, went to the park, went out for dinner. We talked about it, but I just don't know what I can do now... Do I bring it up and ask if he's ok? Do I not mention it again because I don't want to make him upset? I want to understand his state of mind and if he would ever consider something drastic like take his own life, because then I will push him to see a professional. Any advice and suggestions on dealing with this welcome!

Young adult daughter coping with father's depression

replies: 4

I currently have my ex-husband staying with me while he is being treated for depression. He is being admitted to a residential program in 10 days. We have a (now) 24 y.o. daughter who was about 2 when we split. He's staying with me because he has lost all his assets in a business failure and I have a spare room etc. However, his behaviour towards our daughter is concerning me and I am looking for ways to support her. Specifically, this weekend she spent all weekend out with friends (perfectly normal if you're 24!). When she got home tonight, he was angry at her for not spending time with him and said that she wasn't his friend and he didn't love her because she didn't care about him. When it's just me and my daughter at home we pretty much go our own way in the evening, after maybe sharing the day's news over a cup of tea. I'm away from home this week, but am really concerned about the impact my decision to let my ex stay is having on our daughter. (I'm a little bit angry with him too so probably just as well I'm away! We're supposed to be the adults). So any advice about how I can counsel my daughter to get through the next 10 days would be welcome!

I know my husband is suffering depression- I just need to help him

replies: 4

I have just started researching, started reading another husband leaving post. My Husband just moved & rented a place 4 weeks ago. Out of the blue, left me and our baby. I know he has depression, some days he admits it when he is crying that there is no point living as there is no light at tunnel, that there is no point to any of this. I managed to get him to see a Dr a few weeks ago but that day when Dr asked him if he was depressed my husband said No. He is trying to make himself believe we fought all the time ( we did not), he telling me to move on. He loves our baby, the only thing he is happy about. He is more depressed now moving out, he can't afford 2 mortgages,plus rent. His work is really stressful, he is career driven had way too much on his plate this year. He is 32, & thinks he should own/ have more because he is on high income. I always say slow down, it will come relax but he just thinks I don't care about getting ahead. I sent him the black Dog video, he agreed he has similarities ( most/all I think). which is a positive, that he admitted but can I can do now?. I know I cant make him get help- what' his options?- counselling or medication. Is there anything I can do? I have not helped that much in the last few weeks as I've been distraught with him leaving me.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Anxiety With Substance Abuse replies: 4

My teen son is showing depression symptoms but manipulating his girlfriend in the process replies: 1

Coping with a friend's depression impacting me replies: 2

How do I support my partner replies: 8

Free budgeting assistance? replies: 1

my boyfriend has anxiety & I'm struggling to help him replies: 4

My partner started University a year ago and his anxiety has flared up replies: 5

Need help helping my boyfriend through depression and anxiety replies: 3

Young adult daughter coping with father's depression replies: 4

I know my husband is suffering depression- I just need to help him replies: 4