Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

Very concerned about a friend

replies: 4

Hello, I'm Clare and new to beyond Blue and this forum. My husband and I have a young friend (30) who is helping us with a renovation. He is very skilled and has been a great help. Earlier this year, he asked if he could move in to the house we are renovating; we are renting elsewhere. This was fine by us, but a building site is not a great place to live ... although he has a bedroom, bathroom and kitchen ... and space to build things for himself. 3 years ago, he broke up with his partner, and I don't think he has recovered as he still gets teary when he speaks of her. Over the last few weeks, we have noticed changes in him that are of concern. He has never eaten very well, but lately he has lost a lot of weight, is fairly isolated with no friends close-by, is withdrawn and nervous, and is very irritable with my husband at work ... insisting on doing things his way etc. I have tried to let him know that I am concerned, that I have noticed he seems depressed ... but he just smiled, or rather it was more of a grimace, and said he is fine. He really isn't fine, and we are both worried about him. I would appreciate any ideas on how to help him ... how to encourage him to talk and hopefully to get him to seek help. Thank you. Clare

PTSD from natural disaster

replies: 1

My husband of 35 yrs has been suffering from ptsd caused by fighting fires during Ash Wednesday ,33 yrs ago. He had about 10 yrs of things not being right mentally and suffered depression from early 20s,it wasn't picked up diagnosed as ptsd during that time. There is a lot in his background health wise that has contributed to him being on anti depressants continually for the past 26 years. A complex person at the best of times,in the past 5 yrs things have become worse with his coping mechanisms after having a stroke,this has caused some short term memory and not being able to keep himself in check and manage his attacks mainly around fire time. he has been on a DSP since 1993 ,we have raised 2 children now 27 and 25 ,I have been the sole worker and family support all this time... he has now gone into overdrive with the ptsd being present most days over the past couple of months,thank goodness for our GP and he has started seeing a cognetative therapist. But progress is slow. my question here is it possible that he will never be rid of this? i am tired of walking in his minds shadow

Husband has depression - explodes at kids - they want him to move out!

replies: 6

This is the first time I have ever written on this site. My husband has always had a depressive/anxious nature since I have known him for 20 plus years - for the last 6 years he has been on anti-depressants . But he has now decided to stop taking medication (and said that he feels so much better not taking it and will not go back on it) and at the same time is going through a very stressful period of his business being very quiet, being at home (as his work is based from home) and being anxious about the future financially (and not being able to gain other employment ). We have four children and I work full time. However it has got to the point where he explodes at the smallest thing, particularly with the kids (two of whom are teenagers). He went off two times yesterday at the kids and was particularly nasty to my teenage son who was in tears after he apparently didn't do something right. My other teenager (daughter) was also in tears, saying she hates him and wants him to leave. I am going away with the younger two kids for 4 nights in the school holidays and the older two said they can't cope with staying with him (so I am arranging for them to stay with friends. I have always tried to be so supportive and understanding but it's just not fair on the kids. There are times when he is good but he just explodes at the smallest things. Its just so hard to cope now... I know he loves the kids tremendously and is no doubt wracked with guilt at what he said to our son but it's a pattern ...

Brother not well, parents at wits end.

replies: 2

Hello everyone , I am just wondering if anyone knows of any good services for the following situation. My brother has been struggling for years now , he's in his mid twenties. Alcoholism has been a major part of it , he doesn't have any friends anymore . He never went out , would always drink alone in his room and then lash out . Hes also confused with gender identity to a degree but this seems to change alot. He was diagnosed with clinical depression after certain circumstances. I really think he is actually more borderline personality disorder. After researching it myself it just seems far too many likening to my brother. He has been on anti depressants for a few years and they seem to do nothing. My parents are completely at a lost cause with all of this, and I moved out because I just couldn't be around it anymore. But I still want to help. Are their any services for this kind of thing in Melbourne? I'm really worried for him , he just keeps getting worse and then will convince mum and dad hell try better again. But I don't think he ever learns from his mistakes, he's almost a bit like a puppy in that way , he will do something incredibly hurtful to someone but I don't think he realises just how bad he's being. I know because he's over 18 he will have to do this voluntary ? That's another issue in itself. How bad does it have to get before a psych ward isnt out of the question? My parents have always been very much 'just get over it's mentality so I think there struggling to come to terms with it all. Anyway sorry for the long post. Much love, and thank you

Unsure what to do with my partner

replies: 4

Im currently struggling with my partner I feel he is a different person at the moment. I believe he is depressed and I'm just hoping to get some advice on how to handle it and how to get him the help he needs. He is currently working away doing 11 on 3 off and when he comes home is quite irritable and is lacking patience with me and the kids he is quite withdrawn etc. he came home on Thursday just gone and when we got to bed he started crying for a while which is not like him at all. He said he cant describe how he was feeling except he is sad said he doesnt know why but has been feeling like this for a few weeks he said that everything is too much at the moment. He very rarely shares his feelings and if something is wrong he doesn't know how to express it and generally won't talk about it so when I suggested depression he got quite annoyed with me. Im just hoping to get my partner back and maybe some tools so I can help him to get through this together and hopefully get him some professional help without him shitting down and thinking that nothing is actually wrong. I'm terribly sorry for rambling and hope this makes a a little sense

Husband with anxiety

replies: 2

I'm concerned about my husband, we have 2 children, a 2.5 year old son & a 6 month old very fussy baby and just moved to a new area. Every morning when hubby was leaving for work he was crying especially when our 2 year old doesn't want him to go, he has been telling me he doesn't feel right in the head lately and doesn't know what's going on and has never felt this way. The other day he burst into tears because our 2 year old wanted to hold his hand and said that he keeps thinking about him growing up and every time he thinks about our son growing up and no longer doing things he does as a toddler he just starts crying. He has been up at 4.30am many mornings because he couldn't sleep. He also hates his job, been in the same career for 20+ years and doesn't deal with change very well he has been tired of his trade for at least 10 years. Weve been very busy renovating 2 houses, having babies & moving house the last few years and have undergone so many changes to our lives as we were together many years before having babies too. He is talking openly about it to me so I'm glad about that, II'v managed to talk him into seeing a gp and he has a counselling appointment in a week's time aswell. I also asked him if there are any thoughts of harm or self harm and he said "no way". He went online and read symptoms of depression and symptoms of anxiety and he believes it anxiety not depression. I was wondering if it's post natal depression as I've heard men can get that too. I'm just interested to hear if anyone has experienced something similar or has some advice for me on helping him through this time cause I'm worried and have never seen him like this. Am I best to give him space if that's what he wants or is this going to make it worse? He said going for a walk seems to help him get his head straight. He has just quit his job because he couldn't take it any longer so now we are also without an income as I'm a stay at home mum. He said that his father was really horrible to him or his siblings if they ever cried as kids and they would get punished for crying and his parents also separated several times when he was a child. What can I do for him to help him get through this time?

Living with a Faimly member with Depression and Anxiety

replies: 1

Over the last 2.5 years I am living with a family member who has depression and anxiety. To tell you first it is very hard to take care of them while you are at work for 8-9 hours a day. The only way I can keep track of them is by text message about 5 times a day and if no answer I call them. It changes your life as it has dropped a income by 1 and it is very hard trying to budget now when it was easy before. You see I work all day and then come home and spend about 2-3 hours at night cooking and doing house work and talking to them about what they did for the day. I have to take days off work to go to appointments as they find it very hard to concentrate and make discussions. So if someone out there has any problem with living with someone with this disability I am free to talk when I can and maybe give you some advise that might help you. This condition has changed our lives very much as it has stopped as from going out and doing the nice things we use to do. Like going out as crowds get the person down and get scared when out on their own in a strange place. The best thing I have found with a person with Depression & Anxiety is exercise and this was also advised by our doctor. The family member goes to the gym about 3-4 days a week and this has been a great time for them. Also make sure they visit their friends or get their friends to come around to see them. I have also brought the family member a small dog to give the person a purpose to get up and take care of an animal. Also take the person out some were and get them out of the house and give them fresh air. Also if not get them to see someone ASAP and get some help. My family member denied help for about 6-8 months till they come to me and said " I need help".

Not sure what to do

replies: 11

I been with my partner for a year and he has opened up about the tragedies of his past and the mental issues of his family. I know he goes to see a psychologist but unsure if he still does. He had a friend pass away a few weeks ago and I knew he would shut me off. A few weeks ago with a big milestone birthday coming he stated that he was going through an early life crisis and needed space. He only told me this after I texted and called everyday. I still tried texting him to show I cared subsequently and only every few days he would msg I'm ok just needed some space. Using the word needed it sounded like he was ok which is probably dumb on my part. In addition I texted if we can talk so i know how to support him but he ignored. After a few weeks I starting feeling that he was drifting away and few days ago expressed this to him on text which resulted in him lashing out. He stated that he told me how he needed time and space to focus on getting him better but i appear to hold against him. He also said he would love have my life and that i appear more anxious and upset regularly than he is when he has it worst. Told me rather than be anxious appreciate my blessings. I replied asking if we can talk but he didnt respond. The reason i am anxious is cause he is pushing me away when all i am trying to do is understand how I can appropriate support him through this period. I replied to him asking if we could talk but he hasnt responded. Firstly I dont know if his text was a break up but my friends said he isnt that sort just frustration and so it is a matter of waiting. I don't know how long that will be as I am really desperate to talk to him so i can understand if he still wants me to support and if so communicate the best way for me to support him and tells me if that is case he needs to assist me by not pushing me away and letting me know when he is down immediately and not when I chase him not hearing from him. I haven't messaged him given he appears to want space but his birthday is in few days and I do want to msg him at least. I am not sure if anyone has experienced this and has advice what to do.

Why do we compare ourself to others?

replies: 5

This is more of a stream of consciousness style statement other than anything else. Why do we all relentlessly compare ourselves to others even in the arena of our own minds? My mates tonight have told me that I am a strong little bugger with balls the size of watermelons, and yet I feel like a complete weakling compared to them. Depressed people compare themselves to anxious people. Anxious people compare themselves to depressed people. It is a relentless loop of self-judgment. How does one dissolve feelings of victimisation when you have literally been victimised, while living in a society that tells you feeling victimised is ugly and unattractive, and yet you somehow have to come to grips with your victimisation? It won't budge. Be-gone self-judging mind you are a poo bum wee.

Adult Child of Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder

replies: 2

I'm 22yrs and currently at uni. My mother was diagnosed with BPD 7yrs ago, and after a few weeks long stay in an inpatient facility she was doing really well, no suicidal thoughts and fairly stable moods and relationships. However, last October she was admitted again for a number of weeks for suicidal thoughts. During her admission we realised that she had not been taking her medication, not just the ones for her BPD and depression, but also for her diabetes. I'm worried that she is seriously not looking after any aspect of her health. I've tried discussing my concerns with her, but she gets upset and angry, seeing it as a personal attack and denies any issues. Is there anyone else who is in a similar situation of having a parent with BPD? And do you have any advice?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Very concerned about a friend replies: 4

PTSD from natural disaster replies: 1

Husband has depression - explodes at kids - they want him to move out! replies: 6

Brother not well, parents at wits end. replies: 2

Unsure what to do with my partner replies: 4

Husband with anxiety replies: 2

Living with a Faimly member with Depression and Anxiety replies: 1

Not sure what to do replies: 11

Why do we compare ourself to others? replies: 5

Adult Child of Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder replies: 2