Husband with anxiety

[Hailsm]

I'm concerned about my husband, we have 2 children, a 2.5 year old son & a 6 month old very fussy baby and just moved to a new area. Every morning when hubby was leaving for work he was crying especially when our 2 year old doesn't want him to go, he has been telling me he doesn't feel right in the head lately and doesn't know what's going on and has never felt this way. The other day he burst into tears because our 2 year old wanted to hold his hand and said that he keeps thinking about him growing up and every time he thinks about our son growing up and no longer doing things he does as a toddler he just starts crying. He has been up at 4.30am many mornings because he couldn't sleep. He also hates his job, been in the same career for 20+ years and doesn't deal with change very well he has been tired of his trade for at least 10 years. Weve been very busy renovating 2 houses, having babies & moving house the last few years and have undergone so many changes to our lives as we were together many years before having babies too.
He is talking openly about it to me so I'm glad about that, II'v managed to talk him into seeing a gp and he has a counselling appointment in a week's time aswell. I also asked him if there are any thoughts of harm or self harm and he said "no way". He went online and read symptoms of depression and symptoms of anxiety and he believes it anxiety not depression. I was wondering if it's post natal depression as I've heard men can get that too. I'm just interested to hear if anyone has experienced something similar or has some advice for me on helping him through this time cause I'm worried and have never seen him like this. Am I best to give him space if that's what he wants or is this going to make it worse? He said going for a walk seems to help him get his head straight. He has just quit his job because he couldn't take it any longer so now we are also without an income as I'm a stay at home mum. He said that his father was really horrible to him or his siblings if they ever cried as kids and they would get punished for crying and his parents also separated several times when he was a child. What can I do for him to help him get through this time?

[blondguy]

Hello Hailsm

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too

Your husbands symptoms are exactly the same as mine were years ago. It would be a difficult time for you both.

The waking up in the night is a sign of someone with way too much on their plate. Our mind is similar the the engine in a car....if we rev it too much...it will become tired and have have problems. Combined with crying/being close to tears does appear to be exhaustion.

I had acute anxiety since 1983 and depression then kicked in in 1996. Whether he has anxiety disorder or depression requires similar treatment. Back in the 1980's I saw a community health worker (a psychiatric nurse) every week for six months..This guy was a legend. He started asking me questions about my strict dad and made me discuss my past...I was crying my eyes out and felt terrible...at the time...a few days later I noticed that I felt lighter and more relaxed. He did a great job of getting me to vent and 'clean out the cobwebs'

Right now the more regular the counseling the better he will heal. You are a wonderful person for caring the way you are. Its not a matter of giving him space, just let him know that you are there for him.

With the anxiety....has your husband had any panic attacks at all? In traffic...difficulty in crowds...lack of concentration...heart palpitations....tight chest?

It could be post natal depression as you made a good point that it does exist. From what I can see quitting his job shows he is trying to cope and find some peace. Just my humble opinion but the quieter his life is right now combined with weekly or fortnightly counseling would be a huge start.

There are some GP's that have an interest in mental health and deal with it at clinic level where the meds are concerned however there is no substitute for counseling and having some serious 'venting' to heal.

There are many kind people on the forums Hailsm that can be here for you....You are more than welcome to post back as many times as you wish!

My kindest thoughts for your family in this difficult period.

Paulx

[white knight]

Hi hailsn, welcome

I've had anxiety and it returns in smaller doses.

But I also have had dysthymia, a low mood constant depression responsible for much if my melancholy. And depression and bipolar 2.

Parenthood us seen by many as something we should automatically know about and automatically cope with. Not do. Your husband us worrying about unrealistic things. This leads me to think he needs counselling as I had when my mind wandered and my sleep pattern was erratic which just makes the issues even worse.

I agree with Paul, there is no substitute for face to face care.

By the way, regardless if my illnesses I'm on low doses of AD's and a mood stabiliser. Life has never been better.

Take care.

Tony WK