Partner depressed but can't see it

[Amas]

My partner of 1 year is in a bad way. I think he's depressed but he only goes so far to say he's "tired/fatigued/sleeps alot/cant take care of himself/miserable/cant see a way out of it/no energy".

He is very successful in his career and makes alot of money.

He stuffs himself with huge quantities of food and he admits this is a "food coma" so he doesnt get stressed about his problems.

He has managed to keep his job and perform really well.

He has gained so much weight (15-20kg in a year). He has gone off sex.

He doesnt cry or anything but he can get anxious and admits to having anxiety.

His sleep is on and off.

He doesnt socialise.

He comes home and flops on the couch n plays xbox.

Hes 38.

His father had severe depression at one stage and im not sure if he still does.

What should i do? He is a tough, highly successful/intelligent man who seems resistant when i say "depression".

He is on low dose antidepressant for a long time. Hasnt seen a psychologist for like 6 months.

Please, please give me some advice.

[white knight]

Hi AMA's. Welcome

A few ideas

Ask him if he'd like to attend family counselling. If so great, if not then ho yourself. If he asks why then calmly say "I need to learn how to cope with your condition". He might eventually go with you if he realises how difficult it us for you.

Make out a short list of daily tasks that should be accomplished before he plays the x box. Include in those tasks a minimum 3 km walk.

Most mental illnesses are life long. He needs to own his illness eg you should not pay a high price for his illness. Google-

Topic: who cares for the carer- beyondblue

That thread sets out basic obligations all but the very sick should do.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hello Amas

Tony WK is spot on with joint counseling....His reasons for not attending would be interesting.

Depression is an awful illness to have. Its been 20 years also on low dose meds for myself. I am more fortunate as I wanted to get better...so I see my GP on a regular basis for tune ups

Part of healing depression is having a good vent (or cry) to his psychologist. I had a standing weekly appointment with my psychologist for six months which really helped a lot. The illness does improve but does have life long ramifications.

The more regular the therapy the healthier your partners outlook and health will become.

There are many super kind people on the forums that can be here for you Amas. I do hope you can stick around

My kind thoughts for you

Paul

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Amas,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

I'm sorry to hear that your partner is struggling with depression. I'm assuming that maybe he's reluctant to talk about it given the impact that his father's depression had on him. I'm wondering if it might be helpful to reframe the conversation so it's less about 'depression' and more about mood and lifestyle?

One of the things that can help is talking about behaviours rather than the idea of a diagnosis or treatment. Things that you are concerned about like numbing with food, or his weight/social life. How does this affect you? How different would things be if he didn't struggle with this low mood - would you be more active together, go out more, socialise with more friends/family?

I agree that the counselling maybe useful; often even if you go yourself they can help provide strategies on how to respond and react so that you can encourage him to seek help. If he's struggling with depression at home chances are it's affecting his work life as well. You mentioned that he saw a psychologist 6 months ago; why did he stop? Maybe addressing these will encourage him a little more.

[Winterfell]

Its good you are reaching out and want to support him and as above it may be that depression is very scary to him given his Dads circumstances.

you might want to look at this site https://www.mantherapy.org.au/man-facts/guide-to-mind-health and as romantic said look more at behaviours. He may have a biological vulnerability which coupled with stress may push him into problems with his mental health. He may already have depression or anxiety but continues to function in his job so doesnt see himself as being depressed. he may be tired and burnt out, its hard to say.

I hope you are able to get some support yourself