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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Puppies Boyfriend with Depression
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship since August 2014. At the moment I am at home (3 hours away from him). It is Monday 10th Oct and I haven't seen him since Wednesday last week. When I got home everything was fi... View more

Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship since August 2014. At the moment I am at home (3 hours away from him). It is Monday 10th Oct and I haven't seen him since Wednesday last week. When I got home everything was fine and we spoke a bit when I got home on Wednesday evening and I think a couple of messages on Thursday too. My problem is just that since Thursday/Friday he has said that he doesn't want to talk [to anyone] but I was unsure why. I asked him why and he told me to stop asking why. Finally, this evening, I asked him again and said I needed an explanation for why I'm being ignored. He said that he isn't content with himself at the moment and I guess that's why he feels the need to be alone. Last night when I asked how he was doing he ignored my messages, but finally he said that I smother him. I don't believe this is true [from my view] as we haven't spoken much at all in the last 4 days and we are doing long distance, so I feel we have all the space we could possibly get. I think what I'm trying to figure out is what I can do to help myself, as well as him. I always feel distant from his life when I'm not with him. Our relationship is fine when I am there [at his house], but I always find that communication lacks, and he wants time alone [away from texting me] when we're apart as well. I need guidance I think. I feel like I'm the only person who has to go through this scenario [even though that mustn't be true] and that I'm alone when it comes to my own relationship. He's loving, and funny, and he does care about me, but because he's not so in-touch with his emotions, he [and I] often find it difficult understanding what mood he is in, or how he is feeling at that time. I think I just need guidance for what I can do [to keep busy; assist me; assist him with this situation, etc.] while I am away from him, so that I don't sit around waiting for him to text me first [he usually doesn't] and so that I feel happier within myself when I'm alone. Thank you, Puppies.

kaiella Not the usual
  • replies: 3

My son is suffering from severe depression which will not go away. He's under a doctor and psychiatrist...on different medications. Diagnosed with bi-polar 2, personality disorder, anxiety etc. Had been on 1 medication for 16 years,didn't appear to b... View more

My son is suffering from severe depression which will not go away. He's under a doctor and psychiatrist...on different medications. Diagnosed with bi-polar 2, personality disorder, anxiety etc. Had been on 1 medication for 16 years,didn't appear to be as effective as at first so was taken off it. None of the usual methods are working. Tablets make him overweight which he hates and that doesn't help. Very complicated person who is fully aware of all of this. Doesn't live in my state! Am so concerned for him. Not suicidal just very unhappy. Has a lovely family! He's not the usual type of person so needs a different approach.....what, I don't know.

autumngreen Recovering Alcoholic friend pushing me away
  • replies: 7

Hello, I wondered if anybody could help. I have a close friend who I have been in close contact with for months. I've been having a lot of relationship problems with my abusive partner and my friend has been helping me to work through this. It became... View more

Hello, I wondered if anybody could help. I have a close friend who I have been in close contact with for months. I've been having a lot of relationship problems with my abusive partner and my friend has been helping me to work through this. It became apparent that my friend had an alcohol problem and when he drinks he disappears completely from my life. He won't reply to messages and he won't speak on the phone, he pushes me away. When he is in contact he is very supportive and keen to help me, I don't pressure him. But then he drinks for periods of time and begins to recover and it seems he completely pushes me aside - I mean zero contact with no explanation at all. It makes me feel completely abandoned and distressed to have him there one minute and gone the next. What I want to ask is : is this behaviour typical of someone recovering from alcoholism? Why can I do to let him know that I want to help him and that I want him in my life?

Zoe22 How to resolve a conflict with a loved one who is depressed and anxious?
  • replies: 2

My ex has started to open up to me about the depression and anxiety that he has been dealing with for the past few years. He finally is talking to a psychiatrist and has started taking antidepressants. We've been through a lot together (have known ea... View more

My ex has started to open up to me about the depression and anxiety that he has been dealing with for the past few years. He finally is talking to a psychiatrist and has started taking antidepressants. We've been through a lot together (have known each other for 5 years) and I finally worked up the courage to ask him about the dark place he was in a few years ago when his depression first started. Shortly after we broke up 3 years ago, he stopped talking to me for 10 months. Just cut me out of his life. Before that we knew each other for 2 years and I considered him one of my best friends. I reached out to him often via text or phone and he never replied to me. At the time I didn't know it was because he was depressed. Those 10 months were so painful for me. They made me feel abandoned and unloved. When my ex told me that his depression stemmed from the fact that he moved to a new location, hated his job, and was single. It was hard for me to hear the part about him being single. Because I had tried so hard during those 10 months to reach out to him without any kind of response. I wanted to make things work. He just said he thought it would have never worked out because we were so far away and that he thought at the time that I would move on. But hearing him talk about his dark place made me really confused and angry. It came off as selfish to me that he didn't really care about how his actions affected me (I didn't tell him that part). I don't understand how if he were feeling so depressed, he'd isolate himself from people he really cared about but still be able to go to work (a job at a hospital) and function in that aspect just fine. It made me made because he said he was really upset because he was single but at the same time he chose to be single. I wanted to be honest about how I was feeling so told him pretty much everything that I was thinking above. Anyways, he felt like I was throwing things in his face after he took the courage to tell me all of this. I've apologized to him but now am worried that he's going to withdraw from me again. Did I do something wrong? Is there anything I should do or say? Or should I just apologize and let it be? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

rafa11 My 82 year old mum has lost her independence and is depressed
  • replies: 2

Hi I really just want to know if anyone else has any other ideas. I will try not to ramble - my 82 year old mum is struggling with losing her independence. She still lives at home with my dad (married for 57 years). Her depression/anxiety goes back a... View more

Hi I really just want to know if anyone else has any other ideas. I will try not to ramble - my 82 year old mum is struggling with losing her independence. She still lives at home with my dad (married for 57 years). Her depression/anxiety goes back about 6 years when my oldest brother passed away (I do have another brother, however he lives 6 hours away and is "very busy"). In the same year my mum's sister also passed away. Although these events caused great sadness, mum seemed to cope, however ever since then she has "suffered" from a range of physical ailments - sore legs, indigestion, IBS, insomnia etc. I have taken her to every type of doctor possible and the only concrete diagnosis has been some kidney failure and some heart disease. My mum was always a very giving, social, independent woman. She loved going out every day and talking to people, she was always interested in what other people were doing. However in May this year she had a bad fall (a broken shoulder and bruising on her brain) and since then she has lost all confidence to do anything. My dad has taken over running the household (he tries very hard but has his own physical limitations) and my mum spends a lot of time lying down "feeling tired". When her friends visit she only talks about how miserable she feels. I have taken her to a geriatrician and psychiatrist, they have both told her to stay physically and socially active. She only saw the psychiatrist again last week, he doesn't think medication would help, it is more "cognitive apathy". My problem is mum is too scared to go out by herself now, she is worried about falling over again. She refuses to get a "wheely walker" as they are "for old people". She is such bad company now, her friends are beginning to stay away (or worse getting frustrated with her). I have suggested classes where community transport can come and pick her up. But her reply is the same as to most things is "I can't be bothered". However then she gets upset as she says she knows she is worrying me (I try very hard never to show this and always be positive) and she can't believe she has let herself get so low. I would do anything to help my mum - except going back home to live, I have a very lovely husband, but even he is getting frustrated with how much of my energy my mum takes up. I just want my mum back.

Kazza1985 How to help my partner with anxiety????
  • replies: 2

My partner suffers from anxiety, I'm struggling with doing anything right. I try research this stuff, it's so hard when I don't understand. We have had some big ups and downs in our relationship and he is living with his parents. He can't sleep at my... View more

My partner suffers from anxiety, I'm struggling with doing anything right. I try research this stuff, it's so hard when I don't understand. We have had some big ups and downs in our relationship and he is living with his parents. He can't sleep at my house because he is so uncomfortable. It's going to destroy us due to the fact that I don't know how long I can keep going with it. I love him to bits but I'm at my whits end of what to do...any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

Red_Rose How to help a parent with anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I have a situation with my mother, my father told me she has a lump near her breast but she wont see a doctor because she is terrified of the outcome. My father has told me this in secret as she does not want me to know, he has tried to ... View more

Hi everyone, I have a situation with my mother, my father told me she has a lump near her breast but she wont see a doctor because she is terrified of the outcome. My father has told me this in secret as she does not want me to know, he has tried to get her to go but she wont and he believes I will have better success. So over Christmas I have to randomly spot it and then convince her to go to the doctor. I will suggest that I go with her to the doctor for support but is there anything else I can do? My mother, now in her mid 60's, has always been very negative and has a very pessimistic out look on life. She has always struggled with anxiety and it has progressively gotten worse over the years as she tries to cope with day to day problems and coming to terms with my fathers and her own death. Unfortunately she does not believe in mental illness and wont seek help. So if anyone has any suggestions on how to assist my mother it would be greatly appreciated. Many Thanks

Miffy88 Depressed partner who is ignorant that he has depression and is pushing me away
  • replies: 3

Hi, this is is the first post from me so hello everyone. I have been with my guy for 8 years we never had a problem but I knew he had some things from his childhood he talked about but he was for 8 years the loveliest happy go lucky low key guy. Abou... View more

Hi, this is is the first post from me so hello everyone. I have been with my guy for 8 years we never had a problem but I knew he had some things from his childhood he talked about but he was for 8 years the loveliest happy go lucky low key guy. About 3 months ago that changed and he has nearly all of the symptoms of depression on beyond blue. he denies that he has depression and that anything is wrong. He's turned into the total opposite person from who he used to be, he says this is how he has been all of his life and that his true personality is just coming out now. We were supposed to get married in 3 months and have had to postpone the wedding. He pushes me away and it is so hurtful but I'm sticking by him as he does still love me but I'm struggling too. I had anxiety 10 years ago and it is coming back up for me now. I'm getting the right help and seeing a psychologist. My partner and I did see a work psych a few times since this has gone on his own about communication and slowly bringing up his issues. This week having to cancel the wedding and tell everyone without giving away he has depression has done me over and the last 3 months have hit me today. I just want him to get help so he can start on the path of getting Better. He has agreed to come with me to my psych to talk about us but not about him,He pushes me away and away and it's so hard it's like living and being alone and ignored. I just would love some advice on how I can get him to see he has depression and get some help, and how I can deal with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation and even emotional abuse I am feeling as he does not want a bar of me. Thanks in in advance I really appreciate any help at this stage

MarkJT Helping someone get over a huge trigger
  • replies: 5

Even though i have travelled a significant mental health journey via PTSD, depression and anxiety, i am coming up a bit short helping a mate. Without going into detail, he was denied entry to a job because it was claimed that he hid his depression. W... View more

Even though i have travelled a significant mental health journey via PTSD, depression and anxiety, i am coming up a bit short helping a mate. Without going into detail, he was denied entry to a job because it was claimed that he hid his depression. What really happened was that the assessor didnt research enough and he had actually declared it. This has been getting to him significantly of late and caused a crises episode last week. Had a good long chat to him today and it is clear that this is still the main trigger and reason for his depression going massive. Question is, as i have not walked in his shoes, how do i help him get over it. It is just not that simple to say you have to move on but how does he move on? I have given him many coping strategies but at the same time, its all good and proper to give these but if you are not fixing the root problem, it will never go away. Mark.

borderbuddy Post Concussion Syndrome: Harvey Two Face
  • replies: 4

Hello, my partner is suffering from Post Concussion Syndrome after approx. 12 concussions in 5 years, (he is currently 25). Due to being on an international visa, he is unable to obtain a medicare card and receive proper medical support. This makes i... View more

Hello, my partner is suffering from Post Concussion Syndrome after approx. 12 concussions in 5 years, (he is currently 25). Due to being on an international visa, he is unable to obtain a medicare card and receive proper medical support. This makes it very hard when he has an episode; usually a violent outburst directed at me. Fuelled with hateful words that lack any empathy, personal attacks that I "get upset over everything", and admitting that he despises speaking with me because I always twist his words. These episodes will last anywhere between a few minutes to hours. After which, he will be filled with an overwhelming sense of remorse, begging for forgiveness. These attacks on me leave him brim with self loathing, and worsen his already depressed mind. I'm trying to understand how the most doting person I'be ever had in my life can become the polar opposite, in what seems like an instant? I have GAD, depresssion and borderline personality disorder; which I am medicated and in therapy for. I would consider myself a well functioning depressive most of the time. I guess what I really want to know is; will staying by the man I love, ultimately ruin my own mental health? Thank you for reading this, even just writing it out helps.