Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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How do I support my partner?

replies: 2

Hello all, I've come to this forum as the partner of someone with major depression. My partner does not like to talk to me too much about the depression, but is seeing a therapist so does get to at least vent and get feedback that way. I knew my partner was prone to depression when we met, as he revealed that he had suffered from it in the past. It sort of went away for the first year we were together, naturally a new relationship can give you a bit of a high and he had just had a really low low. Over the years things have evened out. Mind you I never expect him to "get over it" or be someone he's not, I will stand by him no matter what - I just don't want to become an "enabler" of self-sabotage, either. He has not worked in almost 3 years - initially it was an honest struggle to find work due to lack of qualifications at a slightly later age (due to other circumstance that I KNOW he did not ask for) but it has turned into an overall lack of motivation. I know what unemployment can to do you, because I've been through it, let alone someone who already suffers from depression. He hasn't had it easy, but at this stage his main barrier is his motivation, or lack thereof. I don't mind being the breadwinner at all - I never have and I never will, I've always been motivated to provide, for myself and/or others, so that's not the issue. I don't expect him to overnight turn into a career tiger, I just don't want him to - again - hold himself back through this. He's come to a complete stop in everything and being unemployed makes that all even worse. How do I push him through this? I know he has to ultimately do it himself, I get that, I just don't want to be a contributor to the delay in that by being passive. I don't want to be like "I CAN'T DO THIS, YOU NEED TO GET A JOB!" because that's just not how it is, but I feel like by saying "you work on you, I love my job and the bills are paid, don't worry" I am making it worse. Does that make sense? Please don't be too harsh... the last time I went to a new forum asking for advice it resulted in post after post of people deciding what a horrible person he was or I am... he is such a good person, and I mean so well... I just have never suffered from real depression so I'm just trying to learn strategies and angles/viewpoints here. Thank you, Amy

How to support my other half with his depression

replies: 3

Hello, I am very concerned about my partner (He is 24) In the past few months he has been very hot and cold towards myself, his work, his interests and his overall life. He doesnt feel he is worthy of me as he is 'broken' He feels that everything he does is not good enough. He feels that he is a burden to everyone. So much so that he is looking at careers in which are isolating. Such as the navy, fly in fly out work or the army. Personally I see this as potential escape, in hope to free himself from feeling as though he is a burden to everyone as he no longer has to deal with that if he is away. He has also recently moved out and back to his mums, which I am happy for that to happen as I feel it takes some pressure off him. I was fortunate enough to get him to see a psychologist as he himself admitted that this negative thinking and serious self sabotage is no good. But I do not feel as though it is helping. I feel that medication may be the answer as it is not only his thoughts but his moods. He becomes very frustrated with himself, tugs at his hair in frustration, will say irrational things and shut himself off. I would just like some advice on how to support him through this and to possibly get him to consider other treatments. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Daughter recent Bipolar diagnosis after ICE psychosis.....now depression

replies: 2

Our daughter (25 yrs) has been diagnosed with Bipolar after a terrible Ice psychosis which lasted quite a long time. The period of time leading up to all of this was just heartbreaking and as a family we had to disengage from our daughter due to her behaviours/drug use. She is clean now, trying so hard to create a better life and she has pushed herself to get work but hasn't been able to keep up with the speed of the work as a result of her medications. As a family we are reconnecting and supporting her but cautious not to have her dependent on us as she could easily slip into wanting this. We are very concerned as she is displaying so many signs of severe depression - finds little joy in anything, sleeps constantly, cry's a lot, has major concentration and memory problems. We have suggested that she doesn't place too much emphasis on trying to secure work until she starts getting better but she is insisting that this is important to her. She is going to call her mental health case manager tomorrow to discuss how she is feeling and talk about treatment options. So my question is ....how long can it take before the side effects of ICE stops...ie is her depression possibly from the long term ice use or is it because of her Bipolar diagnosis? She was always such a happy, outgoing, extroverted person however this person has been replaced with somenone who is so sad and quiet.

Help!

replies: 2

Hi there, My husband was diagnosed with depression 2 years ago and started a new course of antidepressants three weeks ago. These meds seem to be working well - not a miracle cure by any means but significant changes in his behaviour - motivation, affection etc. I felt like I had my husband back and there are still improvements. For the last week he has basically slept a LOT. The first few days he was apparently 'just relaxed' but this went on for the whole week. Phone switched off and he ignored the rest of the world. Am I naive to think that these 'dips' shouldn't be this extreme if the meds are the right ones for him? Do these dips still happen even on the right medication? I have seen my doctor and she said I am doing all the right things to support my husband but I find myself getting emotional with the highs and lows. Any advice would be appreciated. I was just curious if the dips should be this extreme (and yes, I understand that this is not medical advice just personal experience). Thank you

Centrelink knows more than I do and I'm here 24/7

replies: 1

SO FRUSTRATED! Im a hard basket case it seems. My partner keeps having mental episodes (it's looking more like skitzopheneia to me but no one will tell me somehow Centrelink knows though just not me). He's been hospitalised 2 but at emergency 4 in the last year (No beds no immediate danger = go home despite him panicking in there over his symptoms). Meanwhile I have our under 5's at home. I can't come to any appointments because we are socially isolated = no babysitter ever. And they won't let me know anything even when he gives permisson while I'm standing there with him. How can I help him when they won't let me know what's going on. He had the first episode while I was pregnant with my last child and did not see this coming. No one knows how to work with us and I am burnt out. I can't sleep because his symptoms keep him up all night and kids get me up early. No one wants to know. My only supports are in his family but they are already burnt out and can't help as he is not the only mentally ill person in the family. I just want help! They won't give him effective meds and avoid med reviews they downplay everything because they don't want us on the books it feels. The police are sick of being called to check if symptoms are real. He is no help at home as he is currently ill, but ironically I can't get help because he is gentle and doesn't try to hurt us despite getting low himself, but not low enough to actually cause harm. Does it have to become so hard that I take drastic steps before I can get help for us. Seriously if I get one more phamplet that people some how think will fix it all I'll scream. Why are we penalised for not being dysfunctional enough because we are plenty dysfunctional. How do I get help? I don't want to kick him out I love him and I resent that people fall back on that as plan no1 of what I should do. Plus there is no reason why it should get to that with us. Is there real help out there? and why haven't they been letting me know about it if there is? Is it funding or our circumstances? I just want him reasonably stable is it too much to ask. Any points for getting a good Medicare friendly Psych would be appreciated. Seriously it's like the whole system runs on burnout! And I mean throughout every level it shouldn't be this way.

Supporting Husband and trying to stay sane

replies: 2

My husband decided to go off his medication cold turkey 2 weeks ago, and well it has been hell. He wanted to be off it. Terrible mood swings, irritable behavior, reckless behavior and drinking and not sleeping has been the result. He has had moments of good, but for the large part very anxious and snapping at everyone. He had been warned about going cold turkey and I begged him to taper off with medical help, but he wanted to do it his way. Anyway, I have managed to get him to agree to go to the GP and ask for a mental health care plan as I think he needs professional help. Most of the time I tell myself this is the nature of the disease, but its hard not to take it personally and our family is suffering. I am even seeing a therapist on my own to try and equip me with the skills to cope. Every day I tread on egg shells, not knowing what I will come home to or wake up to. I am glad that he is seeing the GP its a step in the right direction. All advice would be appreciated.

My boyfriend with pychosis is pushing me away

replies: 2

My boyfriend and I have been dating for only just over a year but it feels like it's been longer than that. When we first became friends he explained his psychosis to me and how he can have severe anger issues but I didn't seem too bad at first. For ... View more

my brother extremely aggressive

replies: 1

Hi group. Recently my younger brother has shown signs that hes having a breakdown or he is on ice. He has rang and threatened other family members.all women. I know he wont try it on me cause id have him locked up.he has been asociating with bikies.thats not good.he has a tiny daughter and wife who wants out of the marriage.i dont blame her because he has bashed women in the past. Anybody have any ideas how to recognise the difference between drug behaviour and a mental breakdown?? Wayne

Little sister suffering from Anxiety- affecting her eating & sleeping, emotional & physical wellbeing

replies: 5

Hi BB forum, Thanks so much for all your help in the past. There is such a wealth of knowledge here I thought I'd ask for any advice or tips that may help. My little sister is nearly 17 and currently weighs a little under 40kg. She is severely underweight for her height & age. She does try to eat as much as possible and does not intentionally vomit (although she does have a very sensitive stomach & some food allergies which can cause her to vomit unintentionally if she eats the wrong foods or eats too much). We have spoken to Headspace and they have helped connect us with some services with hospital staff, dieticians & psychologists which is wonderful. I'm just wondering if anyone has ideas on ways that I can help her personally. At the moment the biggest issue is that the more anxious she feels, the less she is able to eat. I know that when she stays at my house she is able to relax and eat well (I suffer from anxiety too so am able to understand her and not trigger her). She lives with my mother who recently sold her home to build a new one (downsizing as the family home was bigger than what they need with now just the two of them. When mum sold her home, she moved in with my grandmother temporarily while the new home is being built. My grandmother is Italian and obsessed with food. She constantly pressures everyone to eat more... and my little sister cops it the most. I wish that she could move in with me but my mum doesn't want to do that. Any ideas on what else I can do to help her? Much appreciated xo

Anhedonia

replies: 3

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months now, he left me just a few weeks before our first child was born. After months and months of trying to work things out with him I have just found out that he has been clinically depressed and has anhedonia. This makes so much sense to me now considering one minute we were together for 5 years, got married after 4 years and were happily (or so I thought) married for 6 months before we fell pregnant after trying to conceive and then all of a sudden he says he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't think the marriage is going to work and when I asked him at the time of our separation why and where this came from considering our baby was almost due he said he couldn't give me an answer because he just felt nothing and felt dead inside and has no feelings for anything including me. Fast forward 10 months later, I have tried and tried to reconcile with my husband but I just get nowhere. I have made steps in moving on with my life with our child but I just feel like my husband is still in there somewhere and I don't want to move on without him because I know that despite him saying he has no feelings for me anymore I know he does because the person who he currently is isn't the type of person my husband is normally. We had a talk the other night about getting back together again and he says that he just isn't sure if it'll work because doesn't feel anything and he has no interest in me or even sex with me and he doesn't want to hurt me especially because he knows how much he has hurt me already by walking out on me. I asked if he finds me unattractive and he says that I am still beautiful in his eyes but he just doesn't want sex anymore. I told him sex isn't everything and that I am willing to try to rebuild that emotional connection with him again which is still there BUT I just don't know what I can do to do that with someone who is so closed off from their emotions and feelings. I just want some guidance as to what I can do to be there for my husband to show him I'm not giving up on him and the marriage or our little family. Has anyone been in my position before or currently in my position. Or know someone who has dealt with someone who suffers with anhedonia? I'm at my wits end. I feel so defeated that depression has stolen my husband and robbed him and I from having the family we both planned together :((((((( please help

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

How do I support my partner? replies: 2

How to support my other half with his depression replies: 3

Daughter recent Bipolar diagnosis after ICE psychosis.....now depression replies: 2

Help! replies: 2

Centrelink knows more than I do and I'm here 24/7 replies: 1

Supporting Husband and trying to stay sane replies: 2

My boyfriend with pychosis is pushing me away replies: 2

my brother extremely aggressive replies: 1

Little sister suffering from Anxiety- affecting her eating & sleeping, emotional & physical wellbeing replies: 5

Anhedonia replies: 3