Mother of a teenager with anxiety

[Ab66]

My 15 year old daughter suffers with anxiety, but usually this is triggered by specific events and is reasonably manageable. 2 days ago she started shallow breathing and saying she felt like she was panicking but didn't know why. This continued throughout yesterday - we wondered whether it was a kind of asthma (my husband and other members of his family are asthmatic) and tried ventolin to no avail. The shallow breathing continued into the night and has only stopped when she (finally) fell asleep. Going to bed was an ordeal, with her becoming very agitated and saying she couldn't get comfortable and thrashing about. She calmed down at the suggestion of sleeping on a mattress on the floor in our bedroom, but continued to shallow breath once there until she fell asleep. There was no apparent trigger for the panic attack - it followed a relaxed family outing that we'd had and which she really enjoyed. Not sure what to do or what advice people can provide. The experience last night was quite distressing. She's already on anxiety medication to control headaches and assist with sleep- don't want her over medicated.

[Zeal]

Hi Ab66,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is experiencing anxiety, with the shallow breathing and panic being a new and distressing experience. The symptoms your daughter experienced that night are most likely indicative of a panic/anxiety attack. To find out exactly what is going on, definitely see your daughter's doctor with her. It's important to seek a professional opinion.

Here are some resources you and your daughter may find useful:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46 (anxiety)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=44 (panic/anxiety attacks - if the doctor says that night was a panic attack)

If you would like to talk further, you are welcome to post back here anytime!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Ab66]

Hi zeal

thanks so much for your reply- it's really appreciated. We ended up with a GP Appointment this morning, and then half a day at the children's hospital to rule out a blood clot as she had surgery 4 weeks ago and a symptom can be breathing difficulties. The tests suggest no blood clot so it would seem anxiety is the cause. She's unfortunately not being receptive to trying things like paper bag breathing to reduce shallow breathing and just now, is refusing to lie down in bed and is already suggesting she won't be able to sleep, although won't try to sleep. Have 2 weeks until we see a psychologist: have waited 10 months to get this appointment (privately! How tough is it for people publicly? It would seem do difficult to find and see a relevant specialist) and suspect we are going to encounter a 3rd stressful night, although her symptoms have actually been much better today. Part of the difficulty (from my position) is an unwillingness/inability to rally against this, instead she is inclined to give into the whole situation which I in turn find so challenging as I'm essentially a 'half full' ' Can do' kind of person. I have no reference points for an anxiety that is borne from nothing apparent and where the sufferer is not inclined to 'fight' it. Can already see this is reading like a selfish post about me - when in fact the genuine concern is my daughter- but I'm struggling to deliver the empathy and support needed when there is such much resistance to the interventions that should provide some support.

[Croix]

Dear Ab66

Welcome back, you should post as often as you like and will always be sure of a warm welcome.

Now there's a very nice sign on aircraft overhead lockers - Put oxygen mask on self before others

It is exactly right. You have an awful load on you at the moment and so this post is NOT selfish but IS sensible.

You need energy, support and information to be in a position to help your daughter. I do not know how much general background you have in relation to anxiety disorders.

If you follow the The Facts drop down menu towards the top of the page you will find a ton of material on anxiety disorders, including panic attacks, causes, symptoms and treatments - my apologies if you have done this already. I'd also strongly suggest you look through the Depression area too, as perhaps this is a reason why your daughter is not coping.

From what you've said your daughter is on treatment, however the things you mentioned were headaches and sleep. Is it possible she is having just the symptoms treated and not the underlying problem?

In my own case, as a policeman who was invalided out due to anxiety/PTSD disorders I went for years just getting the symptoms treated and by doing so set back my treatment for the causes a very great deal.

Family support can be a great thing. If you husband is available and willing to shoulder part of the load that's great. In that way it is not all up to you, and he may possibly also accompany you and your daughter for medical visits. (He can read The Facts too of course)

If you find you are getting overwhelmed you are most welcome to ring our Help Line on 1300 22 4636 at any time and talk to our friendly professional staff. Ringing up is expected - not a hassle.

Please feel free to post as often as you'd like, you will always have a warm reception.

My best wishes

Croix

[Zeal]

Hi Ab,

Thanks for your reply!

You don't sound selfish at all. It can be really challenging to understand why someone is not 'fighting', and why they are resisting help and advice. My Dad has never had mental health problems, nor has anyone else in my family, so he struggled with my anxiety/OCD. Like you, he has a 'can do' attitude, and he is also a highly driven and practical person. After 10 years, he still doesn't quite understand my anxiety/OCD. He is loving and supportive though, so that's what is most important.

Croix has suggested you read some of the Beyondblue resources, which I think is a good idea. It's great that you were able to secure a GP appointment in the early New Year. This can be a struggle sometimes. Wow, I didn't realise your daughter had surgery recently. I'm glad there's no blood clot! Waiting 10 months for a psych appointment is frustrating, but it's great that your daughter can have an appointment later this month.

If you'd like to understand what it is like to have anxiety, you could read The Anxiety Book by Elisa Black. She is a journalist who wrote a personal newspaper article about her frustrating journey with anxiety, before writing this book. I have not personally read it, but it has received positive feedback. One online comment states that the book is part-memoir, and includes practical tips about dealing with anxiety.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Ab66]

Thanks again Zeal- your generosity is very much appreciated much appreciated. I'll aim to read through the resources suggested. This is currently so baffling as she's fine during the day then starts to shallow breathe in the early evening. It's almost like the fear of having an attack is starting to cause anxiety. You sound like you are speaking from a place of profound experience and wisdom- I hope you on a good place right now. 😊

[Ab66]

Thanks Croix, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post. While my daughter's situation has been in place - better understood- for a few years, it feels like the situation has changed within the last few days without any apparent reason. I hope that with some assistance we can better understand what is causing her anxiety, although I suspect it's just part of her chemical makeup as even when she was little, she was 'different' to other kids and reluctant to leave my side and very reticent. It would seem the older she's become more aware of her anxiety which in turn can feed into itself. It feels like we are going through a new phase in her condition, but hopefully one in which we can understand better so that she can be best supported. This is otherwise a generally happy and engaged teenager, so sad and distressing that this is happening without any apparent cause. I hope you are currently in a safe and happy place- can only imagine how difficult your stress management must be given your background.

[Zeal]

Hi Ab,

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply!

It's not uncommon for anxiety to worsen at night. Sometimes increased tiredness and/or stress built up over the day can be a factor. Other factors include anxiety about sleep, and associating stress and anxiety with night-time (e.g. due to past occurrences). I just read that some people are more prone to hyperventilation at night.

I smiled when I read "You sound like you are speaking from a place of profound experience and wisdom..." Thank you for this lovely compliment, and it's nice to hear at 23. I am not wise when it comes to my own mental health, ironically. Luckily, my future work life will hopefully include helping others with mental health challenges. I finished an undergraduate psychology degree at university late last year, and I'm hoping to study postgrad counselling this year.

When I was a child, I was painfully shy and uncomfortable with change or uncertainty. My Mum relentlessly sought help for me, from different mental health professionals. That did help, along with a safe and nurturing household and positive experiences at school (I was never bullied, for instance). What I regard as the turning point in my life was when I was 19. I developed an atypical eating disorder, which I went into hospital to treat, as a voluntary planned admission. I stayed in a mental health ward for 2 months. I was confined to the ward for the majority of this time, with a strict schedule for meals. I learned a lot about myself and others from this experience.

The next year, I went overseas with my parents and studied only 2 uni subjects throughout the year (rather than 6-8). These two subjects were psychology electives I was doing in a newly started Bachelor of Arts degree. I loved the psychology topics. This interest together with my personal experience led to finding something I am passionate about: psychology. This has greatly improved my sense of direction and purpose. I felt lost as an individual before then. I hope that with time, your daughter can find what truly interests her. It may emerge after she has reduced the burden of mental illness in her life, or during a difficult time.

I still live with OCD, as I am a little treatment-resistant. Thankfully, my symptoms don't change much over time. I am overall content with my life. Thank you for being so caring.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Croix]

Dear Ab66~

I'm not posting now to give 'sage wisdom' - as if I had any - I'm posting to thank you for caring about me. I can see Zeal feels the same way. It is really great to feel cared for. I'm hoping you do too.

My stress levels are an ongoing problem, but I've lived a long time with them, and whilst I would not call them 'old friends' then perhaps 'constant and known companions' might be a better label.

I've not had a 15-your-old daughter, I have had a 15-year-old son (who is now an RN aged over 40 with whom I get on well)

I remember my son went though a period at that time where he did not like being part of the family and was 'difficult'. I remember stomping off for a walk in the middle of the night so I did not .. well so that I could keep my temper:)

15 is an age where the hormone soup in the adolescent stirs mightily and behavior temporarily changes. Not deliberately but because the young person's attitudes, worries, sex, etc all come to the fore with new perspectives & importance and are hard to deal with - why am I telling you all this, I'm sure you know already.

Anyway the fact that your daughter refused the paper bag to help breathing made the above enter my mind.

Please let us know how things get are getting on

My best wishes

Croix